Empty-Handed Heart [Suncoast Society] (Siren Publishing Menage Everlasting) Read online

  The grief.

  The lost years.

  It was like they hadn’t spent a minute apart. Everything, every moan and touch, every shiver and sweet spot, all of it as hot and eager and perfect as it had been.

  He couldn’t lose Niall again. It’d shred his sanity to let go of this man. His love, his heart.

  Mháistir.

  But he couldn’t say it out loud yet. And he didn’t know how to keep Niall without it hurting Ets in the process.

  He held Niall’s face, foreheads pressed together, eyes open and staring, their cheeks wet with their tears as Niall fucked him. Long, sweet strokes, and with his own cock rubbing between their bodies, Aden knew he’d come like this.

  Niall was patient now that he had Aden in his arms. He watched Aden’s face, slowing when he needed to, sharper thrusts or gentler ones, building him up, reading his body the way he always had. Aden knew his ass was going to hurt in the morning, and he didn’t fucking care. He wanted it, every bit of it.

  Every stroke glided across his gland and drove him closer to the edge and closer to insanity.

  How can heaven and hell be the same goddamned thing?

  All with an Irish accent and blue eyes.

  And scuffed boots he wanted to cry over before lovingly bringing them back to their prime.

  When Aden’s climax hit, his back arched, the release hard and sweet and killing him from the inside out. Niall slanted his lips over Aden’s and caught up with him, finally burying his cock deep inside him as he filled him. Marked him.

  Reclaimed him.

  They didn’t move, holding each other, kissing, breath and pulses finally slowing, fingers buried in hair.

  Staring into each other’s eyes.

  “I’m never lettin’ ye go again,” Niall hoarsely said.

  “I’m never letting you.”

  * * * *

  They finally headed to the shower without words, holding each other and soapy hands exploring, caressing.

  Loving.

  Aden was careful not to let his hair get wet. After, Niall sat, naked, on the end of one of the beds and wordlessly watched him get dressed.

  When Aden finished, he leaned against the dresser. “I…I don’t know what to say to her. How to tell her.”

  There seemed to be…something in Niall’s expression, or maybe it was just wishful thinking on Aden’s part. That old, familiar look, the way the outer edges of his eyes crinkled oh so slightly, just a hint of mischief and the good kind of evil. Like maybe Niall knew something he didn’t.

  “Yer not married, I take it?”

  “No. Not even living together. But…” He sighed. “It’s a complicated situation.”

  “Ye love her?”

  He nodded.

  “She’s not collared?”

  “Complicated. We’re exclusive, though. I was taking my time.”

  He stared at Niall’s boots, where they’d landed on their sides when the clothing explosion happened. Aden had bought his boots just after he’d started seeing Etsu, nearly identical to the ones Niall owned despite how it’d seared his heart every time he put them on.

  He reached out with his foot and gently nudged them upright so they were neatly sitting next to each other. “I’ll need to talk to her this week. I don’t want to fuck this weekend for her and…” He finally met Niall’s gaze.

  “Ye can’t bear to leave if I’m here?”

  “How can you say that and manage to not make it sound assholish?”

  Niall finally smiled. “It’s the accent, ain’t it?”

  “Asshole.”

  “Gobshite.”

  They both sighed.

  “I start my new job Monday,” Niall said. “Stayed at Da’s past couple o’ nights. Stay here Sunday night, work Monday. Then I need to find a place, I suppose. For now.”

  “For now?”

  Niall simply stared at him.

  Of course. Because if Niall was back, Aden wouldn’t let him live anywhere but at home, with him.

  In a house he’d always seen as theirs even with his name the only one on the deed and mortgage.

  The tears…fuck, again. Aden dug the heels of his hands into his eyes, rubbing them.

  “I won’t make ye send her away, love.”

  “I can’t lie to her and see you on the side. Let me rephrase that—I won’t.”

  “I didn’t mean that.”

  He dropped his hands. “Not like there are other options.”

  “I’d share ye with her, if she’s the sharin’ sort.”

  Aden refused to let hope flare in his heart. “That’s…complicated. She doesn’t know you’re you.”

  “But she knows about me?”

  “Yeah. I always called you Ren. I never told her your real name, or any identifiable details. I wanted to protect your privacy.”

  “I appreciate that, but didn’t ask ye to.”

  “No, you don’t get it.” While Niall wouldn’t know Fen and Joel, he explained what had happened.

  “Ah, I see.” Niall stroked his chin. “Well, I guess that does complicate things somewhat.”

  “She’s always joked she wouldn’t mind seeing us together, that you’re my hall-pass fuck.” He chuckled. “I mean, she really likes to think about that happening.”

  “She’s pretty.”

  “She’s the first person I thought maybe I could…” He looked down again.

  Boots.

  Those boots.

  His boots.

  Aden licked his lips. “Anyway.”

  “Complicated.”

  “Yeah.” Aden sniffled. “She trusts me and…fuck.”

  “Her asthma’s bad, then?”

  “Yeah. It can be. She’s got an inhaler she usually has with her. But a lot of her triggers are stress and anxiety. I’ve been working with her to help her with that. It’d kind of been working, too.”

  Aden blinked back more tears. “You literally saved her life, Ni. No matter how much she hates me later, I’m always going to be grateful to you for that. She was headed toward a full-blown panic attack and it would have stopped her breathing. I was too freaked out to take control. Thank god you were in there with us.”

  Niall stood, and braced his arms against the dresser on either side of Aden, caging his body. “Maybe she’ll let us keep this complicated. Best o’ both worlds, hmm? We used to talk about if we found a woman who’d like both of us. Keep an open mind. Perhaps she’ll surprise ye, love. Perhaps she wouldn’t mind a blue-eyed Irish asshole tag-teamin’ her with ye.”

  Aden was having a hard time breathing, but because his dinner was sitting like a rock in his stomach, his heart aching. He didn’t dare set himself up for disappointment again because no telling how Etsu would really react. “You’d be okay with that?”

  “Absolutely. If she’ll have me.”

  He realized what time it was. “I need to get back to her.”

  Niall picked up something from the dresser and handed it to him.

  His phone. “Sorry about that, love. My number’s the same.” Niall didn’t let it go, made Aden lean in for a kiss first, and that nearly ended with them back in bed again.

  Aden remembered to grab her purse from where it’d landed on the floor by the door, and finally made his way down the hall toward the elevators to wait.

  He punched in his pin code to unlock the phone and realized his photo app was open when it hadn’t been.

  When the elevator doors opened on a fortunately empty car, he was still laughing and crying over the close-up pic of Niall’s boots—on his feet—that he’d left on Aden’s phone for him.

  Chapter Eleven

  Etsu felt like she’d walked into a whole new world. Between the next class, and the vendor floor—and then later meeting up with everyone in the convention’s dungeon space—it was simply amazing. Aden even scened with her, and whether it was working with her in the room first to relax her, or the hot forced orgasm scene he’d done on her later back in the room before she’d c
rashed into an exhausted sleep, it’d been the best night’s sleep she’d had in a while.

  Although she felt a little guilty that she’d had such a great night and had basically conked out on Aiden without him having a chance to get off.

  And she felt even more guilty that her dreams had been filled by hot fantasies of the blue-eyed Irishman with the scuffed boots doing all sorts of sinfully sexy things to her.

  Along with Aden.

  The next morning, they arose to shower and meet friends downstairs in the restaurant for the breakfast buffet. While Ross and Aden were up getting more food, Loren leaned in so none of the others could hear.

  “So how’s Aden holding up?” Loren asked.

  “Sorry?”

  “With the whole Niall thing. How’s Aden doing?”

  “Well, I mean we’re both grateful to him for helping me out yesterday. I can’t believe I didn’t have a damned inhaler with me. That was so stupid.”

  Loren stared at her and Etsu felt like she was…missing something.

  Loren dropped her voice even lower. “I still can’t believe Ade said yes to letting Niall use you as his volunteer in class. That’s…I mean, it broke his heart when Niall moved. That was pretty damned ballsy of Niall to do that. Was Aden trying to prove something to him?”

  It finally snapped into place.

  Niall Renard.

  Ren.

  Oh…fuck.

  Niall’s voice came back to her from the elevator, a dream, a whisper, something that, immediately after, she’d honestly thought she’d imagined, and yet had been so fucking hot she’d said yes to him at the time.

  Hot fantasies dredged from the core of her libido and whispered into her ear so softly no way Aden could have heard him from the other side of the elevator.

  “I bet ye’d love to watch us playing together, wouldn’t ye, love? Watching him black my boots, or him fucking my arse? Watching me suck his cock before we take care of ye together? I bet ye’d love to be between us, wouldn’t ye?”

  “Yes, please, Sir.”

  A hall-pass fuck she’d always agreed to because she suspected it’d never happen.

  But even more, because she’d suspected she’d find it hotter than fuck.

  “I’m going to suck my boy’s cock now. It’s all right if I borrow him back from ye for a little while, isn’t it? It’s been so long since I’ve seen him.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  The conversation they’d had one time, where Ade had gotten pretty damned drunk. They’d been discussing sexual fantasies, and she’d admitted the thought of her and Ade with another guy really got her hot. Then he’d admitted he couldn’t be poly with anyone but Ren, if they were ever to explore that. He wouldn’t have been comfortable sharing her with anyone but him.

  “And ye’re all right if he sucks mine, love?”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  That part of the reason Aden hadn’t been with another man was because he couldn’t imagine submitting to one, playing with Tony not counting because that had just been play to help him get through the first loneliest months.

  “I hope ye and I get to have fun together, pet. Can ye imagine two mouths on ye, two cocks fucking ye?”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  That in Aden’s fantasies, the two of them could show her an amazing time.

  And she’d never thought that it would ever come true, because Ren was living out in California somewhere.

  Or…had been.

  The ghost of Niall’s voice in her ear from the encounter in the elevator hit her brain and the puzzle pieces all slipped into place.

  No wonder she’d dreamed about Niall all night.

  “Ye know I’m his ex, love. We never did get a chance to share a woman, but I would love to get to know ye better. Would you like that, then?”

  “Yes, Sir…”

  When she blinked, she realized Loren was studying her. “You…um, you did know Niall is his ex, right?”

  “Yeah. Oh, of course—”

  “Shit,” Loren muttered. “I’m sorry. You didn’t, did you? I mean, I thought Aden told you about him?”

  “He did tell me. I knew. I just wasn’t thinking there for a minute. I wasn’t connecting the dots. I’m not awake yet. I need more coffee.”

  Loren stared at her.

  Fuck.

  Etsu forced a smile she didn’t feel. “He always called him Ren when he talked about him. It’s fine. I like Niall. I mean, hell, he literally saved my life. And he’s a sweetie. He’s cute, too.”

  And of course Aden had been worried about protecting the man’s privacy as much as possible, because that’s just the kind of guy Aden was. Just like she knew Ren—Niall, she corrected herself—would have wanted to protect Aden.

  Ross and Aden returned and Etsu sat back and hoped Aden didn’t notice how her hands were shaking.

  * * * *

  It looked like Loren wanted to say something to him, but Aden made sure they didn’t hang around breakfast for too long after they finished. Ets had classes she wanted to go to, anyway, so that worked to his advantage.

  He hadn’t caught sight of Niall yet.

  Aden was going to do his best to get through this day without collapsing. Maybe this was the wrong way to handle things, but he was too overwhelmed to think.

  Frankly, he wasn’t sure he was steady enough to drive them back to Sarasota anyway.

  Any time he had a second, instead of checking his messages, he was staring at the picture of Niall’s boots.

  Fuck.

  Had Niall left him a cock shot, maybe he could have deleted it.

  Those boots.

  I need to tell her tonight.

  Maybe after dinner, have Niall come to their room and sit down and the three of them could talk.

  He knew he’d have to send him a text, but he didn’t want to interrupt him if he was teaching right now, and he didn’t want her asking him a lot of questions yet.

  No more lies.

  But he couldn’t be alone with the guy until he’d had some sort of resolution with Etsu. It wasn’t fair to her.

  And no fucking way could the two of them keep their hands off each other in private.

  After lunch they returned to their room because she wanted to change clothes into something slightly cooler, since all the classrooms were freaking hotter than hell today. She also swapped everything to a smaller purse when she did. The skirt and blouse were sexy and cute, and he’d fucked her in those gorgeous high heels several times. He nearly always got hard when he saw her wear them—like he was now.

  He hated the thought that this very well could be the last time he saw her wear them, depending on how that night’s talk went.

  He watched the inhaler go into her purse, realizing the one she left behind—along with all the other crap from her purse that wouldn’t fit—must be the nearly empty one.

  “Okay, I’m ready, Sir.”

  “Good girl. Inhaler?”

  She smiled and held up her purse. “Yes, Sir.”

  The wait for the elevators was nearly twenty minutes that time. But they made it downstairs and threaded their way through the crowd waiting for the elevators to find the next classroom. It also looked like one of the elevators had been taken out of service, based on the cones in front of it.

  Shit.

  They were looking around the vendor room again when they ran into Ross and Loren. Loren hooked Aden’s arm and pulled him back a couple of steps from where Etsu was browsing through a rack of corsets in one booth.

  “Sorry about this morning,” she whispered.

  “What?”

  “That I spilled the beans.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  Loren frowned. “When Ets and I were talking. I didn’t realize she didn’t know Ren and Niall were one and the same.”

  A cold flood hit him, shriveling his balls. “What?”

  “She said she knew, but I could see it’d rattled her. I’m really sorry.”

  �
�No, it’s okay.” He hated the lie but didn’t know what else to say. “She just found out yesterday.”

  Loren studied him.

  “It’s okay.”

  She arched an eyebrow at him.

  “Really, it’s fine.”

  Her gaze narrowed in suspicion, but she finally turned and rejoined Ross, who was looking at a different corset, presumably for her.

  Shit.

  Etsu hadn’t made the slightest indication she knew.

  Now he was wondering exactly what Niall had said to her in the elevator yesterday, the whispered exchange between them…

  It wasn’t like Niall to violate consent, either.

  Ever.

  Hmm.

  Later, as they were walking to one of the other classrooms, they passed Niall standing just inside another classroom doorway and talking to someone. Etsu walked ahead of Aden, talking with Shayla, and likely hadn’t seen Niall where he was standing.

  Aden ducked in and, after a quick sorry to the other guy, whispered in Niall’s ear. “We need to talk tonight. I’ll text you.”

  Niall nodded, squeezing Aden’s arm but not missing a beat in his conversation with the other person.

  Aden was able to rejoin Etsu and Shayla before either noticed his absence.

  After that class, it was back upstairs for a little while. She wanted to rest before the afternoon sessions and then dinner.

  And she was feeling frisky.

  So despite feeling guilty, and the phantom feeling of Niall’s cock owning his ass, he went down on her and got her off, then used triggers to drop her into sleep for a light nap.

  He eased his way out of bed and found his phone. For the first time in years, he called up Niall’s name.

  It used to be an ICE contact, until he finally couldn’t handle the emotional pain.

  He re-added him to his favorites and ICE list, then texted him.

  Available after dinner?

  His phone vibrated in his hand seconds later.

  Name the time and place.

  He looked over at Etsu’s relaxed, sweet face.

  Probably our room. 923. I’ll have better idea of what time in a couple of hours.

  He waited for Niall’s reply.