Court and Spark Read online

  It was the good stuff, and sipping it revealed she’d sweetened it perfectly for him. It immediately took another chunk out of his nausea and helped settle his stomach. “Thanks,” he muttered.

  She ruffled his hair. “Least I can do, bestie.” She returned to the table and sat. “That was an amazing performance last night, hon. You were gorgeous. You earned that fucking trophy. Those college sluts had nothing on you.”

  “What was the whole point of that, anyway?” Fen asked.

  “You were always too busy trying to take care of me to do anything for yourself when we were younger. To have fun. When you weren’t taking care of me, you were pulled into your shell—for valid reasons,” she quickly added. “Not faulting you for that. I know why. Just like I had my reasons. But we never…did this. Got crazy. I wanted you to have a night that was unashamedly all about you. The sexy, playful, fun kid I grew up with. I wanted you to be infamous for something other than swinging a mean skillet.”

  “Infamous?” He groaned and closed his eyes. “Oh, lord, where has that video been posted?”

  “Already number one on K&P,” Joel proudly boasted. “Want to see it?”

  “Not until I’ve had food, please,” Fen muttered.

  Joel fixed Fen’s first bagel for him—plain with sea salt sprinkled on the outside and almost completely settling his stomach after the second bite.

  “You really do know me, Mads,” he admitted.

  “Of course I do. How many times did I help you through mornings-after?”

  Joel arched an eyebrow. “Maybe I want to hear more of these stories.”

  “Oh, he wasn’t wild,” she assured him. “Kind of the point of last night.” Another playful smile. “He could have two beers and wake up far worse than this the next morning.”

  “That’s how I learned I shouldn’t be a drinker,” Fen muttered. He’d finally capped the bottle of peppermint oil after dabbing a little on his forehead and at the nape of his neck. “It’s not just alcohol. That’s why I go for herbal tea instead of coffee. A little goes a loooong way with my metabolism.”

  * * * *

  Mads dropped Joel a playful wink. Her blue eyes were a different shade than his own, darker, with a natural greenish tint to them that made them look aqua in the right light. Today she wore her long brown hair loose, but she’d straightened it and whatever she did to it, along with just a hint of makeup, she looked model-perfect.

  The memory of Fen telling him the story of her ordeal slipped into his mind and he immediately banished it. He didn’t want to think about someone harming her, attacking her. It was infinitely painful to him at a soul level. Since he had a little sister, the protective feeling was even stronger in him. Everything about Mads in her unguarded state, like right now, screamed gentle, playful, feminine.

  Vulnerable.

  “Fen, baby,” she said, “you’re a lightweight. I’m glad you’ve got Joel to keep an eye on you and keep you in line since I’m not around to do either.”

  Even though Fen had both hands cupped around his hot tea, he still shot her twin birds without setting the cup down or even interrupting the sip he was taking.

  Another crystal giggle bubbled from her and she took a bite of her croissant sandwich. Bacon, egg, and cheese, they were absolutely delicious.

  “So when will you be heading our way again?” Joel asked.

  “Oh, it’ll be a while. I mean, if I drive over for the day to see Mom and Dad, I’ll let y’all know. I can’t believe how big Naris is getting. She’s growing up so fast.”

  The very picky toddler, who rarely warmed up to anyone, was in love with Mads. As she had with Joel, Snoobug had immediately taken to Mads, which Fen insisted proved his theory right—that if you wanted to know the way to Snoobug’s good graces, shop at Sephora and use their products.

  Joel tried to imagine the two as young kids—Fen and Michael instead of Maddison—and realized even though he’d seen plenty of pictures of them together, he still couldn’t picture her as a boy when relying on his memory. In his mind’s eye, his brain automatically substituted a younger version of Maddison, as he saw her now, when the two talked about their childhoods and growing up.

  “So did my parents ask y’all to spy on me?” she asked before taking a bite of her sandwich.

  Joel felt his face heat, but Fen was apparently either lacking a filter because of his hangover, or maybe it was just because he knew her so well.

  “Of course they did. Wouldn’t hurt you to fib to them and tell them you’re a serial dater, you know. And, FYI, birth-giver and father-of-mine will probably be booking a weekend in the near future.”

  “Because Mom and Dad asked them to?”

  “Well, that, and Dad’s got a lot of free time on his hands since he retired and he’s driving Mom absolutely batshit crazy.”

  “Ah.”

  Joel studied her as they talked and spotted the way she carefully schooled her expression.

  But it wasn’t fooling Fen, even as hungover as he was.

  “Mads, honey, I wish I could help you out. I hate feeling…helpless when it comes to you.”

  “We’ve known each other a lot of years, Fen. I love you for caring, you know I do. This isn’t something anyone can help me with, frankly. Right now, all I want to do is focus on this place. I’m married to it for the foreseeable future. Honestly? I’m having a blast. I live in paradise, I have a great job, I’m padding my 401(k), and I’m thinking about applying to UM next year to get my MBA, now that this place is finally turning a profit.”

  “Really? That’s great!”

  “Right? So doubly, between working and school, I won’t have a spare bit of time for some guy. Although I do miss TV cuddles with you.”

  “You’re free to have TV cuddles with us any time you make it our way for a visit,” Joel offered.

  She blinked a little too quickly, but not before Joel spotted the tears she forced back. “Thanks. I know you mean it. But you’re newlyweds. Right now you should be courtin’ and sparkin’ each other.”

  Joel burst out laughing.

  “What?”

  “That’s something my mom would say. I was just thinking about that the other day. Hadn’t thought about that phrase in years, and now it’s suddenly everywhere.”

  “Once our Fen is an expert in pole dancing, I expect some thermonuclear sparks.” She smiled. “I wouldn’t say no to videos of him practicing, if you wanted to send me some.”

  Fen grumbled around his cup, but he didn’t completely hide his smile from Joel.

  “I think that can definitely be arranged,” Joel told her.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Joel made Fen stay in bed while he got busy packing their stuff. Fen felt a little guilty about not helping, but since Joel helped Mads set him up the night before, he would let his Master do the work this morning.

  At least they could check out whenever they wanted without penalty.

  Being besties with the GM had its perks.

  Finally, Fen felt human enough to climb out of bed and remain reasonably certain his breakfast would stay where he’d put it. He joined Joel in the shower, and didn’t miss that the man looked…somber.

  “What’s wrong, Master?”

  “You sure we’re good?”

  “Well, I’m not going to puke, I don’t think, and—”

  “I mean about last night. Saying no to you.”

  Fen’s face heated. “Yes, Sir,” he softly said.

  He waited for Joel to break the silence, because it looked like he had something on his mind.

  “When we got together,” Joel finally said, “I swore to you I would never push you about your hard limit. I meant it. I also told you that if you wanted to talk about revisiting it, you’d have to bring it to me. Have I done anything to make you scared to talk to me about this before now?”

  “No! I just…” Fen dunked his head under the water for a moment to think. “I have been thinking about it. I know it’s not as simple as just do
ing it. That’s why I’ve been scared to actually talk about it. Because I’m still…processing.”

  “But I didn’t do anything to make you feel like that?”

  “No, Joel. Seriously. This is all about me.” First names meant talking as equals.

  “Okay.” Joel had more to say and Fen waited him out. “If you wanted to talk about doing that, I need you to know my thoughts about it.” He stared into Fen’s eyes. “Before I would even think about telling you yes, there are a lot of things that have to happen first.”

  With his left hand, Joel indicated way off behind him. “We’re waaaay back there. To get to here”—he pointed at the ground—“where I say yes we’ll do that, means a lot of prerequisites get met first.”

  Joel started ticking points off on his fingers. “You need to be comfortable actually fucking me. I know you’ve taken the initiative a little with toys and fingers with me, and that’s great. But that’s just a baby step. I need to know you’re completely okay with that, too, because I refuse to be one-sided in our marriage. I also don’t want you to put any pressure on yourself where you feel you have to be working toward letting me fuck you since I let you fuck me, if that makes sense.”

  He ticked off another point. “I need to see that you’re comfortable playing with yourself with fingers and toys.” Another point. “You need to be comfortable with me playing with you with fingers and toys.” Yet another point. “A period of time needs to pass after all of those conditions are met, where I can see you being comfortable spontaneously initiating that kind of play with me, pitching or catching. Only then would I even think about possibly saying yes to actual intercourse with you. I still might say no, even after all that, if I don’t think it’s in your best interest, or if I don’t think you’re ready.”

  Fen stared up at him. “Really?”

  “Really. Maybe that’s overkill, I don’t know.” He rested his hands on Fen’s shoulders. “You are the most important person in my life. I would literally rather cut off a finger than do anything to hurt you or ruin your trust in me. That’s why I can look at the promise I made you with zero regrets, because I think we have a damned good marriage. Better than anything I could have ever hoped for. Like hell will I ruin it just to do one little thing that, in the long run, means nothing to me, but could mean the difference between what we already have and destroying the trust you have in me forever.”

  Fen blinked away tears and threw his arms around Joel’s neck. “Thank you.”

  Joel’s arms closed around him, his hands settling on Fen’s ass. “So that’s the outline. I leave you to take the initiative, if or when you ever decide to. I will not assume you wanting to try any of those things with me automatically means I can literally fuck you. I want you to feel safe to experiment, if you want to. I will never push you about this.

  “Doesn’t mean I don’t want to support you in this. On the contrary. Means I don’t want you to feel like you’re obligated. If you decide one night you want to lie in my arms and play with yourself while I watch and hold you, okay. If you ask to fuck me one night, okay. Now you understand, however, where my yes is in regards to me actually fucking you, and that a whole lot of things have to happen before I ever will say yes.”

  “I didn’t think I could ever love you more than I did yesterday morning, but I do now.”

  “I love you, too, baby.”

  “What if…what if I want to talk about it?”

  “I’ll always be willing to talk. But I won’t bring it up first. I will wait for you to do that. Let me also add that even if we go through all of that and get to the point where I say yes, and we try it, and you decide nope, it’s still a hard no? That’s fine, too.”

  Fen laid his head against Joel’s chest and closed his eyes. “You do make me feel safe, Master,” he said. “I wish we could find someone for Mads who makes her feel the way you make me feel.”

  * * * *

  Joel rubbed his chin along the top of Fen’s head. “Yeah, but she made herself pretty clear over breakfast. Let her have her life. We’re here for her if she wants to talk, and she knows that. Who knows? Maybe one day some mysterious, kinky billionaire will walk in here, fall in love with her, and sweep her off her feet.”

  Fen looked up at him, his nose wrinkled, and making Joel laugh.

  “What’s that look for, baby?”

  “That sounds like a bad romance novel plot, Sir.”

  “It could happen.”

  “Doubtful.”

  Before they left, Fen texted Mads and she met them downstairs to give them final hugs and wait with them while the valet brought their car around.

  “Don’t be strangers, guys. Seriously.”

  “Not going to let you get me drunk next time,” Fen playfully groused. At least the worst of his hangover seemed to have eased, Joel was happy to see.

  Once they were in the car and heading on their way west, Joel was a little relieved when Fen settled in and dozed off. Joel turned the music up a little and let his mind spin free as he drove.

  If he was being totally honest, he hoped Fen didn’t work himself up to the point where he wanted to try intercourse. Maybe that made him a tiny bit selfish, but the alternative—of possibly losing Fen because it went sideways in a really bad way—wasn’t an option, for Joel.

  He’d tell Fen no a hundred times if he needed to if it meant keeping their marriage safe.

  Long, golden shadows draped across their yard when he finally pulled into their driveway a little before dusk. Fen had tipped his seat back earlier and still lay soundly sleeping in it.

  It made Joel smile, watching him like that. Vulnerable, almost innocent-looking.

  The thought of what had happened to Fen in college—and to Mads—filled Joel with rage. Two sweet, innocent, beautiful people who had been harmed during what should have been one of the best times of their lives.

  Joel reached over and touched Fen’s arm. “We’re here, baby.”

  Fen’s eyes opened and he glanced around before realizing they were home.

  “You head inside and turn the alarm off. I’ll get our bags.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  * * * *

  Fen hated sleeping in the car. He couldn’t believe he’d dozed off on Joel, but at least he felt better now than he had that morning.

  Maybe even good enough to do something later.

  He unlocked the front door and disarmed the alarm. At first, the sound of the TV surprised him, until he remembered Friday’s incident with his keys. When he walked into the living room to turn the TV off, he realized something…odd.

  He knew damn well he’d left the TV on Food Network.

  It was now tuned to gO! Network.

  Home of the little gee and a big O.

  He stood there, staring, then pulled up the channel guide to see if it was a channel over or under the one he’d left it on.

  Nope, completely different channel, meaning a minimum of three buttons had to be pushed to change it.

  Fen quickly turned it off and fought the urge to fling the remote across the room.

  He looked around. “July, I welcome you here, but please don’t freak me out, hon, okay?” he whispered to the room. “And do me a favor and please stay out of our bedroom, huh?”

  He turned at the sound of Joel coming through the front door with their luggage. Fortunately, getting unpacked and putting everything away soon distracted Fen, taking his mind off their invisible roommate. Fen wasn’t feeling much like eating a heavy dinner, either, so he opted to snack on hummus and crackers while he heated Joel leftovers.

  It also didn’t take much for Fen to coax Joel to go to bed early. Which was good, because Fen wanted a distraction.

  A Joel-sized distraction.

  “Did you mean it when you said you wanted me to be able to fuck you?” Fen asked.

  Joel cocked his head, a smile on his face. “Yeeesss?”

  Fen nibbled on his shoulder. “Could we try that tonight, please?”

&nbs
p; “Mmm-hmm.” Joel grabbed a towel from their bathroom, and the other supplies they’d need, and stretched out next to Fen again. “How you want me, baby?”

  “Like that.” Fen retrieved one more thing he wanted to use, one of their favorite jack joys, and the edible lube they used with them. He used that to quickly stroke Joel hard and keep him that way. He wrapped Joel’s hand around the jack toy. “Hold on until I’m inside you.”

  “Mmmm, baby,” Joel gasped. “Maybe there’s a little sadist in you after all.” He spread his legs wider and drew his knees back, giving Fen plenty of room to work.

  Meanwhile, Fen pulled on a nitrile glove. “Any instructions?”

  “Start slow and use lots of lube. Work me up to three fingers.” He pulled a pillow under his head. “Then fuck the hell out of me, baby.”

  Nervous, Fen hoped Joel couldn’t tell how badly his fingers were trembling as he used one finger, then two. This part wasn’t unfamiliar, because he’d already played with Joel like this before.

  Once he’d gotten past that, he stripped off the glove and sheathed himself in a condom, adding more lube.

  Joel’s blue gaze looked dark, nearly sapphire, as Fen nudged in and pressed the head of his cock against Joel’s rim. “That’s it, baby,” Joel hoarsely said. “Goddamn, you look so fucking sexy like that.”

  This was new territory for them, and for Fen. Sure, they’d simulated this act countless times already using the toys, but Fen couldn’t remember the last time he’d ever actually fucked a guy.

  Especially not a Top.

  In fact, he could probably count the number of times he’d done it on one hand with fingers to spare, and the last time was years ago.

  Joel reached up with his free hand and stroked Fen’s arm. “Only if you want to, Fen. You can change your mind at any time, if you need to.”

  That snapped something loose inside his brain.

  This was his husband.

  No, maybe he would never be ready to work his way up to catching.

  But his hubby wanted him, and this.

  For once in his life he’d like to not have a fear-based decision weighing him down and making him second-guess every damned action he took.