Out of Bight, Out of Mind Read online

  “Ford?” she whispered.

  He nodded, his vision blurring through his own tears. “That’s right, babe. Ford. When they first paired us, after the original DSMC sim and we realized you were real and you realized we were real, you said to me, ‘Give me some sugar, baby.’ Do you remember that?”

  Her brow furrowed as she concentrated. “Hurry up, Cap. There’s a line.”

  “You said that to Aaron later.”

  She threw her arms around him, sobbing. He held her, wanted to never let her go, and sank to the deck with her protectively cradled against him as they cried together. “Oh, gods, babe, I love you so much. I worried I’d never see you again, but I knew you weren’t dead, I just knew it.”

  The commander knelt in front of them and dropped his voice. He spoke in standard. “Not here. Bring her. I will take you to her cabin.”

  Ford helped her to her feet and kept an arm around her as he followed the commander. Ford thought the Beyant would leave them alone, but he entered the cabin with them and apparently ordered guards to stand by outside. He took a seat on a chair on the other side of the cabin.

  Ford sat on the bunk with her, unable to keep his hands off her, wanting to touch her and assure himself she was real. He showed her the picture card again, pointing everyone out. “Aaron and Caph.”

  She took it from him and stared, touching it. “Aaroncaphford.”

  He’d wondered if she could really remember how to speak English anymore.

  Then she spoke, disproving the theory. “I didn’t know what it meant. It was the only thing I could remember.” She looked at him. “What happened to me? Why can’t I remember anything? Why can’t I remember you?”

  He told the story again, from the start, with all the details. When he finished, both of them were crying. “I’m so sorry we didn’t understand and believe you, babe. He was playing all of us to use you. We didn’t know.”

  The Beyant spoke up. “All three of you are her mates?”

  Ford nodded. “Yeah. That’s another long story. No offense, but I’d rather tell it to her alone first, and let her tell you the parts she wants to tell.”

  The cabin door opened and an older man entered. He barked something in Beyant at the commander, who didn’t rise. The commander and Emi both spoke to the man in calming tones.

  On top of everything else, her obvious fluency in their language surprised him. She was skilled in many areas, but as far as he knew, she’d only spoken English standard and very bare-bones Earth Spanish. And that she’d picked up from her time in New Phoenix and Tempe while at school.

  When she finished talking to the man he seemed soothed but continued eying Ford with a less-than-pleased look. “We told him what happened,” Emi explained to Ford.

  Ford couldn’t stop touching her, her arm, hair, face, ensuring she was real and not a dream. “What I’d really like right now is some time alone with you,” he softly said.

  That’s when he caught the hint of fear in her face. He was still a stranger to her, even if his most cherished dream had finally come true.

  Emi had told Ford to call the commander Yanna. Apparently also sensing her fear, he spoke. “Erin?”

  They knew her as a different person. Erin.

  It was funny in an ironic-twist-of-fate sort of way. And explained what he thought was idiocy on the part of the Beyants. For her new identity, she’d taken on the names of her three husbands.

  She nodded and spoke to the Beyant men again. After a moment, Yanna stood and kissed her forehead in a brotherly way. Ford bit back his jealousy. Obviously the man cared a great deal about Emi. Even the way Ford had seen him carry her from the pod in the vid showed his tenderness.

  But as Yanna left the cabin, he shot Ford an unmistakable look with a universal meaning—Don’t hurt her.

  The older man, the ambassador, also kissed her forehead and glared at Ford before leaving the cabin.

  Alone. He stared, drank her in. Now he understood what the hell that phrase meant, because he felt like he’d been thirsty for years and now she was the only thing to quench the unslakable craving.

  “Emi,” he whispered, not daring to try to kiss her. “I love you so much. I never wanted to give up hope. I refused to believe you were dead. I could feel it in my heart.”

  She touched his face, exploring. He’d shaved that morning, over ten hours earlier, before they docked. He knew she felt the stubble there. Her fingers brushed through his hair, feeling it.

  Then she leaned in and laid her head against his chest. “Can we just lie here?”

  They settled on the bunk together, Ford’s arms around her. “Yeah,” he said, his voice so choked with emotion he could barely speak. “I’d like that a lot.”

  * * * *

  Erin closed her eyes and listened to the sound of the man’s heart pounding in his chest. The waves of emotions from him had nearly flattened her with their intensity when she stepped onto the bridge. He loved her, of that there was no doubt. His crushing grief exploding into brilliant joy when his eyes met hers on the bridge.

  Her husband.

  One of them.

  Aaron. Caph. Ford. She silently rolled their individual names on her tongue. They felt right.

  He was not lying. There was no way he could be lying, not from what she felt from him.

  “Why can I feel emotions?” she quietly asked.

  “You’re a trained Class 2 empath, babe. And a kick-ass Alpha-ranked healer. That’s a doctor. You graduated top of your class. You also have a degree in psychology.”

  Erin took a deep breath. It would take time to get used to her new—old—name.

  “What did you say my name is?”

  He nuzzled his face in her hair. She could easily get drunk feeling his happiness. He slowly spoke as if savoring the words himself, pressing his lips to the top of her head with each word.

  “Doctor. Emilia. Hypatia. We call you Emi, but Aaron calls you Em a lot of the time.”

  “How do I love all three of you?”

  He told her their story, starting when the men first met years ago and ending before her nightmare began. He hadn’t shifted position, his arms gently unmovable around her. She suspected she might have to beg him to let her out of his sight, much less his arms, as he was so desperate not to lose her again.

  “You’re not jealous of them?” she asked.

  “No! Never. I love them, they love me, and we all love you. There’s nothing to be jealous about.”

  “Do we all…sleep together?”

  He chuckled. “Oh, yeah.”

  She suddenly felt a wave of fear from him and immediately pinpointed its source. “No, I haven’t had sex with anyone,” she said. “No one’s harmed me. They took me in and saved my life. They treat me like one of their own. They’ve all been very sweet. I’m like a daughter or sister to them all.”

  He laughed, the sound warming her heart even as she felt his warm breath against her scalp. “Gods, I missed that.”

  “What?”

  He shifted her in his arms so he could look into her eyes. “Your empath skills. Being able to almost completely read my mind like that. I can’t wait to talk to Aar and Caph. We have to call them right now. They’re going to be so happy.” He grinned and nuzzled her nose. “After we get out of bed.”

  She hated to be the bearer of bad news. “We can’t.”

  He sat up. “What? We have to! They’ve gotta be going crazy that they can’t find me. They have no idea where I am.”

  “Not until after we reach Mars. We have to sign the treaty first.” Then she explained the situation to him.

  His face fell. “Doesn’t this qualify as an emergency?”

  She shook her head. “I’m sorry. Life-threatening emergencies only.”

  He groaned. “I’m a stupid fuck, that’s what I am. But I saw you, heard your voice on the station. I couldn’t wait and knew I had to find you. I was afraid you guys would leave and that Aaron might overrule me trying to find you. I had to be
with you.”

  He was a handsome man. She reached out and touched his face. “I’m glad you came after me.”

  His sweet blue gaze never left hers even as he pressed a soft kiss against the flesh of her palm. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.” She leaned in, closed her eyes, and kissed him.

  Something exploded inside her. Not memories exactly, but more like experiences, emotions. Her body and soul remembered his love even if her mind didn’t. She felt desires she hadn’t felt since…well, ever, that she could remember.

  He broke their kiss and touched his forehead to hers. “Babe…if you don’t want to do this right now—”

  She shut him up with her mouth, her lips slanted over his.

  He grabbed her and rolled her over onto her back, now desperate to love her, to make love to her, wanting not to satisfy himself she felt, but to show her his love for her.

  He opened her shirt and kissed his way down her chest, between her breasts, his tongue lapping at her navel. “I’ve missed you so much.” She felt warm wetness against her skin that she knew were his renewed tears.

  She wrapped her fingers in his hair. “I’m here. You’re here.”

  They shed their clothes and he kissed her all over, tasting her, loving her. Even if her mind didn’t remember him, her body had obviously been eagerly yearning for this reunion. She responded to everything he did and instinctively loved him back as if it were the most natural thing in the universe. As if they’d spent lifetimes loving each other in this very way.

  He slipped his fingers between her legs, filling her pussy. She arched her back, softly moaning as he caressed and teased her. Then he lowered his mouth to her sex, his tongue expertly flicking her clit. She exploded immediately, crying out, sobbing his name. As she came down from her climax he raised up on his arms over her and gently slid his stiff cock inside her.

  She thought her heart would break from the joy she felt in him. His hope, living for this moment, her back in his arms, was the only thing that had kept him alive all these months.

  Her.

  His love for her.

  His conviction that, somewhere, she still lived.

  He held still, his blue eyes searching hers. “I love you,” he said, his voice sounding choked. “Even if I’d never found you again I would have loved you so hard it hurt until the day I died. I never would have given up hope. I never would have given up faith. And I never would have loved any other woman but you.”

  She pulled his head down and kissed him as he slowly thrust, trying to savor it, but she wrapped her legs around his hips and held on. “Harder,” she whispered in his ear. “As hard as you want.”

  He dropped his head to her shoulder and thrust, moaning when his release took him as he buried himself inside her one final time, holding still and relishing the feel of their flesh joined together.

  “I love you,” she said. She knew as she spoke the words that they were branded on her soul. She did love him, and the other two men.

  He burst into tears. With his face pressed against the side of her neck and his body wracked with sobs, he cried out his grief and fear as the truth of their reunion soothed the deep pain in his soul. She stroked his back, gently whispering his name in his ear. That, and, “I love you.”

  Aaroncaphford. The one encompassing fact she did not forget, even if she couldn’t remember.

  Her men.

  She drifted to sleep in his arms.

  Chapter Nineteen

  She awoke with a start in the dim cabin. The lights had automatically turned down at their usual time. She inhaled and smelled Ford, his arms still protectively wrapped around her. His scent wafted familiar to her soul and body, comforting her, even if she couldn’t remember it before that night.

  Even in sleep his emotions boiled over. Was he always like this or had joy overwhelmed him?

  He awoke and nuzzled his chin in her hair. “You awake?”

  “Yeah.” Now she realized she had to think to speak English. She’d never considered it before. Her thoughts naturally flowed in Beyant, because in the course of a normal day, that’s all she spoke with rare exceptions.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  “Yeah.”

  He brushed his fingers along her arm, gently stroking. “Do you remember anything? From before they found you?”

  “Not really. Just feelings. Emotions. Skills. The occasional tiny thing.”

  “Nothing?”

  She looked up at him. “Not really. Only things like that I love you and them, even though I can’t remember them.”

  He smiled. “Aaron and Caph are going to kick my ass when we get to Mars and I get in touch with them. But it’ll be worth it to see their faces when they get a gander at you. Cap’s blamed himself all this time. The big guy, he’d just about given up on living. I was really worried about him.”

  “Cap? Big guy?”

  “Aar. He’s our captain. We also call him Cap. And Caph’s nickname is ‘big guy.’” He stroked her cheek. “Why is your skin that color?”

  She’d noticed, compared to Ford and the other humans on the space station, how orange her flesh looked although she was pale compared to the Beyants. “I think it’s compounds in the water and the food.”

  “The hair, too?”

  She nodded.

  “I don’t care,” he said as if anticipating her next question. “I wouldn’t care if you were bald and blue-skinned, just that you’re back.” He kissed her. “Four months alone with you. I wish I could talk to Aaron and Caph and tell them, but man, I’m going to remember every second of this time.”

  “I just wish I could remember my time with you before.” At that he looked sad. She wished she hadn’t said it.

  “Me, too, babe. Me, too.”

  “Will my memory come back?”

  “I don’t know.” He reached over the edge of the bunk to the floor, where his pants had ended up. He showed her the handheld again. “I copied everything so I’d have it in case I needed it. Thank the gods!” He scrolled through the device and handed it to her. “Can you synthesize that on board?”

  She frowned as she studied the list. “I’m not sure what some of these are.”

  “You don’t know what they are, you don’t remember what they are, or you don’t know how to translate them into Beyant equivalents?”

  When she looked at him, surprised he sensed her thoughts, he arched an eyebrow at her. “You and me, we always had a special little thing like that. You have something different with each of us. You and me, we were always attached at the brain.”

  She laughed. “What about the other two?”

  “Caph’s your big buddy. He’s a really big guy, almost as big as Yanna, but he’s got this heart that’s really sensitive and fragile. He’d kill anyone who tried to hurt you. If that asshole hadn’t killed himself first, me and Cap would have had to hold Caph back.” He frowned. “Well, we’d all have been fighting for the right to kill the guy, but same thing.” He sighed. “Caph and you, he’s a big guy, but he’s a little puppy dog around you.”

  “And Aaron?”

  “He’s your rock. All of us, but especially you. You healed his heart when we met you. I never thought I’d see him happy again, then we met you and after that first sim session, it was like he was a changed man. He loves me and Caph, but since you came into our lives, he lives for you.”

  * * * *

  The com in her cabin whistled. She reached over and pushed a button and answered in Beyant. They spoke for a moment. Then she smiled and ended the conversation.

  Ford wondered if she’d felt like this in her first days and weeks with the Beyants. Alone, in an alien culture, unable to understand them.

  “They were reminding me it’s dinnertime,” she said. His stomach growled in response and she laughed again. “Exactly.”

  “How did you learn to speak their language so well?”

  She shrugged. “Yanna could speak fairly good standard. They worked with me, and I worked w
ith them. After a while, it became second nature. I’ve taught most of the crew basic standard since I’ve been with them.”

  “Can you read it, too?”

  “Mostly.” She sat up and kissed him. “I’ll teach you.” She stood and took his hand, coaxing him from the bunk and leading him to the head. “They call it a facility,” she said, then pointed out the various features and how to use them. It wasn’t too different than a conventional head. She explained the placards and translated for him. Then she pulled him into the shower with her and he jumped, startled to find it wasn’t a sonic shower when the warm spray hit his skin.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  He laughed, holding his hands under the water and watching the drops bead against his flesh. “Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had a water shower?”

  “The engines produce water as a by-product of their cycle. It’s condensation. It’s reclaimed for sanitation use and maintenance. Drinking water is different and purified through filters.”

  He pulled her to him, holding her under the water, kissing her. In a few minutes he’d pressed her against the wall and was entering her again, taking her there in the shower and using his fingers on her clit to make her come before he finished inside her with a hard thrust.

  Shaky, she held on tightly, her head resting against his chest. “Is making love with you always that good?”

  He laughed and kissed the top of her head. “With us? Babe, this is the tame end of the scale. It’s usually far better.”

  They finished and dressed. He was happy to see she wouldn’t let go of his hand as she led him out of the cabin. Two guards, Pabo and another she introduced as Gwan, fell into step behind them.

  “They’re jealous,” Ford whispered in her ear as he draped his arm around her shoulder and snugged her close to him.

  She smiled. “No. They’re protective. They treat me like a little sister.” Her smile faded. “They saved my life. If they hadn’t found me…”

  He stopped and turned her to face him. “Honey, if you want, I’ll get down on my knees and kiss every last one of their feet and thank them for saving you.”