Broken Toy Read online

  Okay, so maybe she is another friend. She’d never thought about her neighbor in that way before, but realized she was yet another instance of Walker being right. She had way more friends than she realized, she’d just had her head shoved so far up her ass before that she couldn’t recognize them as such.

  Delores took nearly half an hour to decide she was adequately impressed by Bill’s resume and background to declare him a suitable boyfriend for Gabe. Only after they’d both had some cookies and a cup of tea did Delores finally let them take the five large, heavy boxes back to Gabe’s unit. Gabe felt a chill run through her when she saw the return label, from Jennifer’s mother.

  “What’s in them?” Bill asked.

  “I don’t know,” she softly said, afraid to open them.

  “Who sent them?”

  “My…I guess she’s my cousin. Maria’s sister’s daughter. Jennifer’s mom.”

  “Ah.” He stared at the boxes for a moment before pulling her into his arms. “You want me to open them for you?”

  “No, I guess I should do it.” She looked up into his face. “Can you help me, though?”

  “Of course I’ll help you, sweetheart. I’ll do anything you want.”

  She snuggled safely in his embrace again. “I don’t know what they found in Maria’s house. I took every picture and photo album I had of my parents when I left.” She let out a snort and buried her face against his chest again. “Not like I had any mementoes.”

  “Then let’s do this. Let’s go grab some groceries, order a pizza, and then get comfy in the living room before we handle these.”

  “Okay.” She lifted her head again. “I like that plan.”

  “I hoped you would.”

  * * * *

  It was nearly two hours later when they finally got around to opening the boxes. She was dressed in nothing but one of Bill’s T-shirts, had a tummy full of pizza, and was on her first bottle of the evening of hard apple cider.

  Bill held the box cutter, and with her sitting close at his side, he carefully slit open the first box. She peered around him as he lifted out photo albums, loose photos, and files full of papers.

  She started with the papers. She was shocked to see Maria had saved many of her school papers, all the way back to when she’d first came to live with her.

  And even stuff from before, that her parents must have saved.

  Report cards, scholastic award certificates, Honor Society papers.

  She didn’t know how she felt about that, the warmth from Bill at her side barely counteracting the chill in her soul.

  Setting those aside, she looked at the first photo album. As she thumbed through it, she realized it must have been one Maria had kept of her dad when he was a kid. She quickly set it aside to go through later when she felt the tears threatening. Another photo album, again documenting her father’s childhood. And more folders containing some of his school papers.

  By the time they’d finished with that box twenty minutes later, Bill had already gotten Gabe a hand towel from the bathroom for her to use to blow her nose. She was beyond the tissue phase.

  He repacked the first box and moved it to the side before pulling the second box close. It, too, was filled with photo albums, papers, and at the bottom something that threatened to crush her.

  Her baby book.

  She couldn’t take it from Bill.

  “Do you want me to put it back, sweetheart?” he softly asked.

  She shook her head.

  “Do you want me to look through it for you?”

  She nodded and laid her head against his shoulder after blowing her nose again.

  He opened it, smiling as he stared at her baby picture. “You were adorable even as a newborn.”

  She shrugged, not trusting her voice to respond. There was even a picture of her as a toddler, holding Bear.

  As far as she knew, it was the only picture she had of Bear, unless there were more in some of the albums.

  He continued paging through it, stopping when he reached age eight and she put her hand on top of his as she leaned forward.

  The handwriting had changed. Under age eight, Maria’s prim and proper script had taken over. A notation about the date of her parents’ deaths, followed by a notation about her new school.

  She slowly turned the page.

  Maria had faithfully continued to fill out the baby book details, all the way up to her graduation, including annual school pictures.

  Gabe took the book from him and pulled it into her lap, going back to age eight and slowly working her way to her teen years again. Nowhere, of course, did it mention the beatings. There was, however, a notation at age nine about her learning how to crochet.

  She has beautiful technique.

  She didn’t realize she was sobbing until Bill took the book from her and pulled her into his lap, cradling her head against him as she cried.

  “I don’t get it,” she eventually whispered. “I don’t understand how she could do that to me and then keep my baby book up to date. I didn’t even know she had that, or any of this other stuff.”

  He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “You know how it works, sweetheart. You know how abusers can be. They don’t make sense.”

  “All my life, I’d painted her out to be a monster.”

  “She was a monster. Don’t ever forget that. You bear the scars to remind you of that.”

  “I could never forgive her. All these years.”

  “You don’t have to forgive her. You also don’t have to give her any more energy or time.”

  “I’ve always heard forgiveness is for the one doing the forgiving.”

  “Maybe for some, but it’s not a law or anything.”

  She stared at the box. “What else is in there?”

  There were a couple of picture albums that had been her mom’s. She watched as Bill thumbed through it slowly, giving her time to stare at people who were mostly strangers to her. Fortunately, when she looked, some of the pictures did have notations on their backs.

  It was strange seeing pictures of her mom as a young woman. As a child.

  Gabe realized she looked exactly like her mom, something she’d never thought about before.

  Bill opened the baby book again so they could compare her school pictures to pictures of her mom.

  “No wonder Maria hated me,” she said. “I reminded her of the woman she blamed for all her problems.”

  “Stop,” he scolded. “Don’t excuse what she did.”

  “I’m not. I’m just trying to…understand it. Make sense of it.”

  “Why? She harmed you. If she wasn’t batshit crazy, I’d go give her a piece of my mind.”

  “It likely wouldn’t have made any difference,” Gabe said as she put the baby book aside again. “She thought she was doing the right thing. Whatever her reasons were, she thought they were justified.”

  “Did she beat your dad?”

  “I don’t know. I never asked her. I can’t believe he would have put it in his will to give her custody of me if she had. I have no memories of my parents ever spanking me, much less doing to me what she did.”

  Box three contained more of her mother’s things, including a new, padded envelope with handwriting on the front.

  We found these with the albums, and it looks like your mom is wearing some of them in a few of the pictures, and they were in a plastic baggie, so I thought it best you have them.

  She let Bill open it. Inside, they found a man’s and woman’s wedding band, a small engagement ring, several pairs of earrings, a necklace with a small emerald and diamond pendant on it, and a high school class ring with her mom’s name engraved inside it.

  She stared at the jewelry lying in his hands. “I never knew she had any of these,” she said.

  “Did you ever go through her jewelry box?”

  “Are you kidding? I never went in her room. Not unless I was specifically told to go in there for some reason. That was an instant beating. I think that wa
s the first beating she ever gave me, five with a strap for going where I didn’t have permission. I damn sure wouldn’t go in her jewelry box.”

  “Sorry, sweetheart.”

  Box four devastated her. On the top, sealed in an old, large zip-top plastic baggie and protected from dust over the years, lay Bear.

  She reached out with trembling hands and carefully lifted him from the box, her vision doubling, tripling as she easily ripped open the baggie and removed him.

  Then, with him clutched against her chest, she buried her head in Bill’s lap and cried.

  * * * *

  Bill knew the only thing he could do was sit there, hold her, and let her do what she needed to do to heal. And she would heal. The progress she’d already made over their past several months together, along with confronting Maria, had brought about massive changes in her.

  For the better.

  This new development, he guessed, would put her firmly on the road to healing.

  He stroked her hair as she cried, waiting her out, knowing it would take as long as it took and refusing to be an asshole about it. She needed to cry, to purge the pain from her system for good. There would likely be many more tears over the next weeks, and maybe even months, as she finished processing everything.

  But he could already see the positive changes in her. So different from when they first met that night at the munch, so open and happy and laughing. Willing to take time for herself, guilt-free, and willing to open herself to friendships.

  And now she had one missing piece, a large honking piece, of her childhood back.

  It took her a while to finally cry herself out. Red-eyed and puffy-nosed, she held the bear sitting up on her chest as her fingers roamed all over him, as if still unsure he was real.

  “I don’t think Max or Lil Lobo will be jealous,” he said.

  She let out a tiny laugh. “No,” she said, her voice fragile and thin. “They won’t. They’ll like Bear.”

  “I don’t have any answers for you, sweetheart,” he said. “Are you sure you want to keep going tonight?”

  “Yes, Sir,” she whispered. “I want to finish going through them.”

  He struggled against the erection threatening to form. He definitely didn’t want to be an asshole, but he couldn’t deny nothing turned his crank harder and faster than her totally putting herself in his hands like that.

  Trusting him.

  Letting go and letting him handle things.

  He knew how difficult it was for her to get to this point, and he didn’t take it for granted. He would never take it, or her, for granted.

  Bear had apparently been the worst of the revelations. That box, and the last, had held more photos, loose and in albums, and papers, including her parents’ high school and college diplomas, their wedding photo album, and several handwritten journals her mom had kept throughout college and the early days of her marriage to Gabe’s father.

  To his relief, Gabe opted to wait to go through those last things until later, when she felt strong enough to do it. Once he had everything tucked back into the boxes except Bear, which she wouldn’t let go of, he helped her to her feet.

  “Time for bed, sweetheart.”

  She looked like a child, with her arms wrapped around the stuffed bear. Gabe nodded.

  He kissed her on the forehead. “Let’s snuggle in front of the TV, okay?”

  She nodded.

  He gently turned her around and pointed her at the bedroom before he lightly patted her on the rump. “Go on. I’ll be right there.”

  She went.

  He let out a sigh. After picking up their empty cider bottles and making sure the front door was locked, he followed her into the bedroom.

  He found her, still in the T-shirt, lying on her right side and facing the center of the bed. He undressed and climbed in with her, waiting until she was snuggled against him, an arm draped over his chest, to grab the remote and turn on the TV.

  He kissed the top of her head. “Good night, sweetheart. We’ll talk in the morning and see how you’re feeling. Okay?”

  “Thank you, Daddy.”

  Whereas “Sir” hardened his cock, “Daddy” always softened his heart to the point of melting. He knew she joked about his smile and what it could do to her.

  All she had to do was call him “Daddy” and she could make him do anything she wanted him to.

  And he loved it. Especially because she didn’t seem to realize that he might be her Dominant, but she wielded absolute and total control of his heart.

  “Love you, sweetheart.”

  “Love you, too, Daddy,” she mumbled, already dropping into an exhausted, mentally scalded sleep.

  He knew sleep wouldn’t be soon in coming for him, however. Too many things ran through his mind, despite what he’d said to her earlier.

  He also wanted to know why Maria would take a child’s beloved toy from her, and yet save it. Was it because her own child had given it to Gabe? Had Maria really taken things out on Gabe in her anger over Gabe’s mom?

  No, it didn’t matter because it couldn’t be changed. But it ate at him. The pain, Gabe’s pain, was one thing he couldn’t fix for her. And it was the thing he desperately wished he could.

  All he knew was he would spend the rest of their lives together trying to make the best life, the happiest life possible for her.

  And if anyone they knew didn’t think he was “Domly” enough because of it, they could go fuck themselves, as far as he was concerned.

  She was his, and he would love and protect her, in his way, the best way for her.

  No matter what.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Today was Saturday, and neither of them had to work. That meant dinner at Sigalo’s and a night at the club with their friends.

  When Gabe awoke that morning, she realized Bill was already in the kitchen. From the delicious aroma filling the house, she knew he had the coffee going.

  She grabbed his robe and pulled it on before hurrying out to the kitchen. There, she slid her arms around his waist from behind and did her best not to slam him into the counter.

  He laughed. “Good morning, sweetie.”

  She kissed his back, between his shoulder blades. “Good morning, Daddy.”

  She didn’t care why, but it felt right calling him that, and he didn’t object. It felt less formal than Sir, but still a title, in a way.

  Daddy’s good girl.

  Even thinking about the way he said it sent the good kind of shivers up and down her spine, usually ending somewhere in the vicinity of her clit and making her panties damp. He just had that way about him.

  “Did you take my robe again?” His tone sounded full of amused mirth.

  She kept her arms wrapped around him from behind. “Yes, Daddy.”

  “Chilly? You want me to bump the AC up a little warmer?”

  “Not really. I like wearing it because it smells like you.”

  That was when he turned and draped his arms around her. He smiled down at her, the lines on the outsides of his hazel eyes crinkling. “Guess I’ll need to get another robe and switch them off from time to time, huh?”

  Still looking up into his face, she rested her chin against his chest. “Uh-huh.”

  The past month had been the best of her life, time blurring way too fast for her liking. She was settled into her new office, getting to know her coworkers there.

  Making friends with them.

  When Walker called her to check on her, he’d asked her if she’d sent a body double in her place.

  “Why?”

  “Because your new boss says you’re the happiest, friendliest agent he’s ever had working for him.”

  “I have a reason to be happy.”

  Boy, did she ever.

  Her attention snapped into focus as Bill’s expression turned serious. “I need to ask you something. And no is a perfectly acceptable answer and won’t change anything between us. I need you to be honest with me, all right?”


  Chilling fear slowly started to wash though her. “Okay, Daddy.”

  He gently pushed her back a step so he could take both her hands in his and bring them up to his lips, kissing them. “Also acceptable is wanting time to consider this before answering me. Or asking me to ask again later. All right?”

  She nodded.

  “I love you. I’d honestly begun to think, before I met you, that I’d had my one chance at happiness in this life. I never thought I’d ever have it again.” He gathered both her hands in one of his and reached behind him, pulling open a drawer. From it, he removed a box and opened it. Inside lay a small, heart-shaped pendant lined with little pieces of blue topaz. “I know we aren’t like some of our friends, but I’d like to take a page from their playbook. I’m well aware of your feelings on marriage. And I know we don’t do collars or anything like they do, but I’d like to have a small commitment ceremony in front of them some night, if you’re okay with that.”

  The fear immediately transformed into a tearful flood of overwhelming emotions she couldn’t process, much less verbalize. She nodded her head, hard, and threw her arms around him.

  He softly chuckled as he embraced her. “That’s a yes, I take it?”

  “Yes, Daddy,” she whispered into his shoulder. “Please. I would love that.”

  He kissed the top of her head and she held her hair out of the way as he draped the delicate gold chain around her neck and fastened it.

  Then he wrapped his arms around her from behind and kissed the nape of her neck. “And I’d like to put it on the table that if you ever decide to change your mind about marriage, let me know. I’m happy to have you in my life however you want to be here. I’ll never push you for anything more than you’re ready and willing to give me. I will follow your lead on that.”

  She turned in his arms and looked up at him. Knowing the only person with the ability to keep her out of her emotional prison was herself, she took a deep breath. In a tiny voice, she forced herself to say, “Loren’s a notary. She married Tilly and Landry. And she performed Shay and Tony’s ceremony.”