Resilience Read online

  “I don’t know. I try not to talk about her when we spend time together. I don’t want to put him on the spot. She’s his mother. I know he loves her. Hell, I love her—she’s my daughter. I just…don’t like her.”

  “I understand that. We went through that with one of Tommy’s sisters before her death. Very messy and emotionally complicated business.”

  “At least I paid for Steven’s car. It’s in my name. He needed one once he got his license, and she wasn’t going to get it for him, even though they could afford to help him out. She was trying to leverage it against him going to church with her after she’d promised to get him one if he kept his grades up, and he did. I thought it was the least I could do. He works hard. He’s got a part-time job and he plays football. She’s trying to keep him tied to her as much as possible. Him and his younger sisters and brother. He’s the oldest. He finally got his dad to agree he didn’t have to go to Sunday School and church anymore, and that was a massive battle.”

  “Again, that sounds exceedingly familiar.”

  Colin stood and walked over to a family photo taken at Susan’s high school graduation. Colin and his wife, Camille, Susan, and her younger brothers, Brad and Conner.

  “I never dreamed I was raising a woman who’d end up hating me and talking her brothers into hating me, too.”

  Andrew stood behind him, wrapping his arms around him. “You cannot control them. They’re adults and they are capable of behaving like decent human beings, if they wish to do so. You have a place in my family. Even if only as friends.”

  Colin turned in his arms, looking into his eyes. “Do you want me as only a friend, or as more?”

  “I’m hoping for much more, for as long as you’ll have me.”

  “I’m really scared.”

  “I know, love.”

  He let Andrew hold him close. “If Steven was telling me this story about him and someone his age, I’d be chewing him out for falling in love so fast.”

  Andrew breathed a silent sigh of relief. “Again, we’re not children. We’ve been around the block, as it were. Age and experience affords us certain…allowances that youth and naiveté cannot begin to appreciate.”

  “How long do we give this before we decide it’s really what we want?”

  “However long we wish. I don’t think it’d be wise for you to sell your home immediately and completely move in with me, but I’m perfectly happy with however long you’d like to take to make the decision.”

  “I’m tired of being alone.”

  “As am I.”

  “I decided I do want to tell Steven about us today.” Colin nodded firmly. “I need to find out if he’ll abandon me, too. The stress is getting to me. I’m tired of waiting.”

  “Very well, love. If that’s what you wish.”

  “And you’re my boyfriend.”

  Andrew smiled. “As my Peggy would have said, that makes me as happy as a pig in mud.”

  Colin laughed.

  * * * *

  When Steven arrived, he didn’t act wary, exactly, but Andrew could tell the boy was more than a little curious about his presence and trying not to show it. The three of them settled at the kitchen table, where Colin wasted no time getting to the point.

  “I’m sure you’re probably wondering about Andy, here,” he said. “He’s spending a couple of days with me. I spent the weekend with him. We met at the football game. His grandson is Mikey Kinsey-Paulson.”

  Steven nodded, a little of the tension in his posture melting away. “Okay. Right. I’m friends with Mikey. I was talking to his little sister, Zoey, at the party Saturday night.”

  Colin took a deep breath. “I need to be honest with you, Steven. Andy and I are…dating. He’s my boyfriend.”

  Steven sat back in his chair and stared at his grandfather. “Really?”

  He nodded. “Really. I know it’s fast, but at our age, slow works against us. Mikey and his brother and Andy came over this weekend and helped me get the house ready in case that storm comes. I’ve met a lot of his family already, and they’re okay with this.”

  “Mom won’t be,” Steven snarked.

  “No, your mother won’t be happy.”

  “She already knows you’re gay, doesn’t she? Is that why she’s such a bitch about you?”

  Colin’s face turned red, but he nodded. “Yes. She doesn’t agree with it.”

  “Well it’s not any of her business. You’ve been lonely since Grandma died. Why shouldn’t you date whoever you want?”

  Andrew gave silent thanks and relaxed, letting this play out.

  “It doesn’t bother you?” Colin asked.

  “No.” He leaned in to hug his grandfather. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell her. I finally told her I visit you, and when she tried to give me hell over that I reminded her you paid for my car and that I love you and won’t be rude to you. She didn’t admit why she’s got a problem, but I had a feeling.”

  Andrew suspected there might be more that the boy wasn’t saying, but he didn’t feel it was his place to ask. “You’re welcomed to come visit us over at my home, too. You can always say you’re visiting Mikey, if it’d make things easier on you. They live right next door.”

  Steven studied his hands for a moment, where he’d clasped them on the table. “It might.” He met Andrew’s gaze. “Thank you for helping him with the house. I was trying to figure out who I could ask to come help me do it this week.”

  “Quite all right, son. We do have a generator at my house, however, and no tall trees. If this storm does hit, I’ll be bringing him to my home.”

  “I might be joining you if my mom makes me mad.”

  “Try to get along with her,” Colin said. “She is your mother.”

  “She’s a bitch, is what she is. All she wants to do is go to church and hang out with her church friends. She was aggravated at me for wanting her to go to my game Friday night and making her miss church, until Dad put his foot down. I think he’s getting tired of her bull.”

  Andrew fought the gooseflesh that rippled across his body. He remembered too well how twins Dan and Elle had reacted to Emily’s similar activities. Clay, Emily’s ex-husband and father to Dan and Elle, was a beloved and welcomed member of their family.

  “All the more reason I don’t want to cause you trouble with her,” Colin said.

  “No matter what I do, I’m going to be in trouble with her. She’s mad I won’t go to that stupid church with her anymore. Courtney, Sarah, and Robert are getting tired of it, too. Courtney’s started playing the period card to get out of it.”

  “His sisters and brother,” Colin clarified to Andrew.

  Steven nodded. “Dad told them this weekend they didn’t have to go with Mom anymore if they didn’t want to, and none of them wanted to. That really made her mad. She blew up yesterday.”

  “I take it your father isn’t as religious as your mother?” Andrew asked, unable to hold it in.

  “Not even close. He’s not a fan of her church.”

  “Sounds exceedingly familiar,” Andrew said. “At any rate, on Wednesday nights we have a family dinner at my home. You are, of course, welcome to join us. I hope you will.”

  “Thanks. I’ll figure it out somehow. Any chance to get away from Mom.”

  They had a lovely visit. Andrew liked Steven, and it was obvious how much the boy cared about his grandfather. He even did a few tasks for him, unasked, that he’d noticed needed tending to. Once they were alone again, Colin slumped against Andrew on the sofa and cried relieved tears.

  “I can’t believe it,” he softly said. “I’d convinced myself—prepared myself—that he was gonna hate me.”

  “Sometimes, we are our own worst enemy.”

  “I don’t want to lose my other grandkids, but even if only Steven still wants me, I’ll consider it a win.”

  “It invalidates Susan and her bigotry.”

  Colin stared into his eyes. “You really get this, don’t you?”

  “I l
ived it, in my own way, yes. I’m looking at this from the far side of Hell, having walked through it myself. I’m simply holding out my hand to you to guide you through it.”

  Colin spent several long, silent minutes studying Andrew’s face. He didn’t interrupt.

  When Colin next spoke, his voice sounded hoarse, choked. “You’re really fallin’ in love with me?”

  “I believe so, yes. Unless you suddenly turn out to be a horrible racist, or think that jumping a queue is quite all right.”

  Colin snuggled against Andrew. “I spent so many years carin’ for Camille. A lot of the time, it felt like I was alone because she didn’t even know who I was. I got so tired. I know why sometimes people commit murder-suicides when they’re a caretaker for someone like that. It crossed my own mind a time or two, toward the end, before I finally had to have her admitted. I didn’t want to put her in a home. I hated it, but it got to where I couldn’t care for her anymore, and I wasn’t even caring for myself at that point, and that wasn’t good for either of us.”

  Andrew’s heart ached for him. “Then how about I take care of you as much as I am capable, for as long as I am capable? I have broad shoulders, love. Don’t let my age fool you.”

  Colin nodded, settling against him even more, sliding down the couch until his head lay in Andrew’s lap. Andrew stroked his hair, content to sit there like that for as long as Colin wanted or needed.

  It felt so damn good to not be alone anymore.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Colin nervously helped Andrew shop ahead of returning to his home on Wednesday afternoon.

  Andrew thought it was both adorable and sad at the same time, that Colin had been denied basic familial love for so long.

  “Remember, love, you don’t have to say or be anything but who you are. You’ve already met some of them.”

  “I know. I just want to make a good impression.”

  “You already have.”

  Karen and Bill weren’t home when they arrived. Colin insisted Andrew go on inside and that he’d unload the car.

  Andrew opted not to argue with him.

  It did feel good to be home. And it would feel even better when he finally convinced Colin to move in with him. So far, there was nothing about the man that turned him off. They’d spent most of their two days alone talking and cuddling.

  And talking.

  Lots of talking.

  So much talking. It was apparent Colin wasn’t used to that level of forthright communication.

  He could sympathize, remembering how he’d had to get used to Peggy’s direct way of discussing things.

  Now he got to introduce Colin to that.

  The men were in agreement they wanted to pursue this. This time, Colin had packed to stay several days, ahead of the storm. If it looked like the storm was going to hit, they’d help him clean out his fridge and freezer and bring everything to Andrew’s, as well as pack up keepsakes he wanted to make sure were saved.

  Meanwhile…the men wanted to spend time together.

  Andrew knew it was helping Colin that Steven planned to come by after school and visit with them until after dinner. Maybe it was helping Steven, too. As the afternoon progressed, Zoey showed up unexpectedly early and had brought her homework with her for Steven to help her with.

  Maybe I was wrong after all.

  Andrew had almost expected Steven to reveal to Colin that he was gay, but perhaps he’d completely misread the situation. While it didn’t feel like they needed to keep an eye on Steven and Zoey from a parental point of view, Andrew hadn’t realized Zoey was so…focused on the lad.

  At one point, Andrew was alone in the kitchen when Zoey brought their glasses in to refill their iced tea.

  He decided to test the waters.

  “Steven is a rather nice lad, isn’t he?”

  She literally rolled her eyes, but there was something…subdued about it. “He’s just a friend, Grandpa. He’s a nice guy. He’s good with math and agreed to help me out. And Poppa’s not home to help me.” A shadow flitted across her features. “I miss him.”

  “Carry on, then. Don’t let me interfere with your studies.” She looked like she started to say something, rethought it, then walked over to hug him.

  “Love you, Grandpa.”

  A chill filled him, something off in her tone. “Love you, too, sweetheart. Are you all right?”

  “I really miss Daddy and Poppa,” she quietly said.

  Ah. That explained it. Ever since she was little, she always took it hard when Tyler went off on extended trips. Having Thomas gone as well must be doubly hard on her.

  “I’m sure they miss you as well, sweetheart.”

  She filled the glasses with ice and added presweetened tea. “So is Mr. Dawson your boyfriend?”

  “Yes, he is. And you don’t have to call him Mr. Dawson. You may call him Colin.”

  She turned to meet his gaze. If he didn’t know better, he’d say she was Karen’s daughter, because she looked so much like her. “I feel weird calling him Colin. He’s almost as old as you are.”

  “Then what would you suggest?”

  She leaned against the counter. “Honestly? He feels kinda like a Grandpa, too. Would that bother you?”

  Andrew smiled. “Not in the slightest. Why should it?”

  She looked lost in thought. “I miss Grandma Peggy, but I don’t think she’d want you to be lonely.” Then she walked over, hugged him again, and grabbed their tea to take out to the living room, where they were doing their homework.

  Colin walked in from the other door. From the look of pleasant shock on his face, Andrew could tell he’d overheard their exchange.

  Andrew held his arms open to him, and Colin hugged him, long and hard and wordlessly.

  * * * *

  Nevvie put the phone in speaker mode while she prepped the casserole she was taking tonight so she could talk to Crystal. Multi-tasking.

  It didn’t feel like she was slacking if she was working while she was talking.

  “I still can’t believe his page like numbers jumped like that,” she told Crystal. “You were right.”

  “Posting like that is really productive. It’s not like you’re asking them to jump through hoops or anything. And his existing fans will readily do it. If we start pairing calls to action like that with Facebook ads, it can help even more.”

  “Are those expensive?”

  “They don’t have to be at all. For less than fifty dollars, we can carefully target potential readers. Narrow it down to English-speaking countries and an age range.”

  “Ouch!” Nevvie sucked on her finger, where she’d cut it on the edge of a can of green beans.

  “Are you all right, Nevvie?”

  “Yeah, sorry. I’m cooking. Just nicked my finger.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I’ll let you—”

  “No, it’s okay. This is good. I’m doing this deliberately so I can keep working while getting ready. We have a family dinner every Wednesday night next door at my father-in-law’s house.”

  “Aw, that’s sweet.”

  “Yeah, it’s fun.” She sighed. “The guys are missing it, again. Well, Tyler’s missed several in a row now, but Tommy’s missing it. Oh, sorry. That wasn’t a dig at you.”

  “No, it’s okay. I didn’t take it as one.”

  “Well, it’s just ever since Tommy’s mother died, we’ve all tried to make sure we make as many of the family dinners as possible, for Dad’s sake. Tyler’s father.”

  “Tyler’s father?”

  “Tyler’s father was married to Tommy’s mother.” Nevvie hesitated. “Wow, I didn’t realize how confused and incestuous that sounds before I said it.” Crystal laughed with her. “Long story short, Tyler’s father was divorced, and Tommy’s mom was widowed before Tommy and Tyler ever met. In fact, Tyler and his father were estranged, due to lies by Tyler’s mom, since Ty was a kid. I located him, talked to him, and engineered a reunion. Then when he met Mom—Peggy, Tommy’s mother�
�they fell in love.”

  “That’s so sweet.”

  “Yeah. Oh, and this is all, you know, private, of course.”

  “Oh, absolutely, Nevvie. Don’t worry. I also have an NDA signed with Mr. Paterno’s office. It’s standard procedure.”

  “Good. Thanks.” She sighed. “I don’t have a lot of people I can talk to freely outside our family. For obvious reasons.”

  “That’s probably wise, actually, in this day and age.”

  “Yeah, believe me, I know.” She finished assembling the casserole and slid it into the preheated oven. “Thank God that whole bullshit with Alex happened years ago and not today.”

  “Mr. Paterno told me about that. We actually modified the second author talk at the New York book festival so we could pre-screen the questions. The problems with the open-mic sessions, like the question the one attendee asked him, are the main reason I am not a fan of that format.”

  “Really? See, I’ve asked Elliot about that before, why we couldn’t just do pre-submitted questions. I mean, now it’s even easier, right? A Twitter hashtag to sort them, or submit them on Facebook, whatever.”

  Crystal hesitated. Nevvie already knew she was working from her apartment today, so she wasn’t in the office. “Can I speak candidly and it not sound bad?”

  “Well, depends on what you want to say.”

  Crystal sighed. “I love working for Mr. Paterno. I’ve learned so much during my time in his office. But he isn’t…enthusiastic about modern communication methods. The basics, yes, of course. But he’s so busy, and let’s be honest, he is usually swamped, it’s understandable he hasn’t grasped some of the finer nuances. I, and several others in the office, are trying to gently nudge him toward those kinds of solutions for our clients.”

  Nevvie laughed. “That’s not bad at all. That’s progressive.”

  “Please don’t take it to mean I’m trying to bad-mouth him.”

  “No, not at all. Old dogs, new tricks, that kind of thing. I faced the same problem with Tyler when we met and I started handling all of that for him.”

  “Really?”

  “Really. Well, and keep in mind, that was years ago. And Tyler’s thirteen years older than me. He was more focused on writing than social media. I basically built his brand for him, working with Elliot on things.”