Happy Spank Patrick's Day [Suncoast Society] (Siren Publishing Sensations) Read online

We’re sad to break the news that Kel and Mal lost the baby on Tuesday. We don’t have any information other than that, except that Mal is out of the hospital and home recovering.

  Per their explicit request, please do not call or contact Mal at this time. She also doesn’t want any visitors right now. You can text or call Kel, or Chelbie, but Mal understandably needs some time and space to focus on healing. Kel or Chelbie will let you know when it’s appropriate to call or visit with her, so coordinate with them.

  Please respect their wishes on this. If you’d like to bring a card or something for them to the party, we’ll make sure to get everything to them.

  Also per Kel’s specific request, they want us to have the party Saturday night as planned, and want us all to enjoy ourselves. They said they want people to come and have a good time, so we’re going to honor their request and do just that.

  To the bottom of that she added Kel and Chelbie’s cell numbers before signing all three of their names.

  “What do you think?” Her voice sounded sad, quiet.

  Sean nuzzled her head, kissing her temple. “I think it’s perfect, sweetheart.”

  “Me, too,” Max echoed.

  Taking a deep breath, she hit send and then closed the laptop. Then she climbed out of bed to take her laptop and cell back to the office.

  Sean looked at Max, to find him staring after where she’d disappeared through the doorway. When he turned to meet Sean’s gaze, Sean knew the sorrow in his partner’s brown eyes matched what he himself felt in his heart.

  He reached over to squeeze Max’s hand, comforted when Max squeezed back.

  When Cali returned to bed, she snuggled tightly between them just as Baxter strolled in and jumped up to find himself a spot at the end of the bed.

  Sean rolled to face her, lacing fingers with her, their hands resting on her tummy. On her other side, Max had also rolled onto his side, laying his hand over theirs.

  “You all right, sweetie?” Max asked.

  Her sigh said no. “I’ll be okay. I’m still processing.”

  Max used the remote to set the timer on the TV. Then he settled into place next to her, his head tucked against her shoulder. “Love you, sweetheart.”

  “Love you, too.”

  Sean smiled. “Ahem.”

  “You know I love you, smartass.” Max lifted his head. “And I know you love me, because you wouldn’t have put up with me for so many years if you didn’t.”

  “Heh. True story.” Sean kissed Cali. “Love you, babe.”

  “Love you, too.”

  But long after both Cali and Max had fallen asleep, Sean still lay there wide awake and staring at the TV. While during all their talks about having a baby, before they’d tabled the topic, they’d discussed the impact upon their lives and upon Cali running their business, but they’d never discussed…this.

  Not once.

  The possibility had never come up, had never been something to figure into Sean’s private musings on the subject, either.

  He’d just…blocked it out.

  Now, it kept him awake.

  * * * *

  The next morning, Sean and Max grabbed their shower together as they usually did while Cali got the coffee ready and made them something light for breakfast. They both worked for Sarton, a Sarasota-based builder.

  Sean didn’t miss that Max acted unusually quiet, even by his normally sedate morning standards.

  He draped his arms around him and waited until Max stared into his eyes. “You all right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You don’t sound all right.”

  “Just…still bummed out.”

  Sean leaned in and kissed him, slow and tenderly. Not in a trying to get into his ass kind of way.

  An I love you kiss.

  Max pulled him in close and returned it before resting his forehead against Sean’s. “I don’t know why I never thought about this possibility before.”

  “Reading my mind again, dude. Spooky.”

  They heard Cali enter the bathroom. “Coffee’s here.”

  Max whispered in his ear. “Let’s not talk about this to Cali this morning, okay? Unless she brings it up.”

  “Deal.”

  They pulled apart as Cali peeked in through the shower curtain. “Y’all ain’t in there having shower sex without me, are you?”

  Sean was no idiot. He could tell their girl’s attempt to force good humor.

  “Not yet,” Sean snarked. “He’s a buzzkill. Blah-blah, can’t be late. Blah-blah, getting fired bad.”

  This time, her smile looked genuine. “He’s right. You’re running a few minutes behind. You need to be out of here in fifteen minutes or you’ll hit bad traffic.”

  Max leaned in to kiss her. “Thanks, sweetheart.”

  She disappeared. She’d get her shower later, after they’d cleared out. While showering with all three of them was fun, in the morning when the men were trying to get out the door, it wasn’t usually practical. That’s why they saved three-way showers for weekends or holidays.

  Max’s gaze caught his before he leaned in to kiss Sean. “Let’s get moving,” he said. “We don’t want to be late.”

  * * * *

  Max suspected Sean’s feelings echoed his, but they really couldn’t talk about it until they were alone in the car and on the way to work. Sean’s normally frisky blue eyes bore a hidden weight this morning beyond simply not wanting to wake up and go to work.

  Once they were on their way in, with Sean driving today, Sean was the first to say it.

  “Almost doesn’t feel right having a party tomorrow night.”

  “Kel specifically asked us not to cancel it. It’d be more disrespectful to cancel.”

  “I know. I’m just saying, it doesn’t feel right.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  Sean reached over and laid his hand on Max’s thigh. “Cali hasn’t brought up the subject of kids lately.”

  “I know.”

  Another couple of minutes of quiet. “Neither have you.”

  Max took a deep breath. “I know.”

  Sean glanced over at him. “I think this means the three of us need to have a talk, don’t we?”

  “I know. Just…not right now. Let’s get through tomorrow night. I have a feeling it might get a little emotional as it is.”

  “You want her to bring it up first, don’t you?”

  “Uh, yeah, I do.”

  Sean squeezed his thigh. “I think you and I hard-shifted in the same direction last night.”

  Max stared out the window. “Yeah.” He laid his hand over Sean’s, curling his fingers around Sean’s.

  * * * *

  Cali refilled her coffee mug before heading into the bathroom to grab her shower. A night of not sleeping well had already taken its toll on her before she’d even got her day started.

  She was deliberately stalling and she knew it.

  Her next step after a shower, now that she’d already loaded the dishwasher, made the bed, and scooped the crap out of Baxter’s litter pan, would be to fire up her computer and check her e-mail.

  Which…she didn’t want to do.

  Because she already knew—strongly suspected—there’d be replies to her e-mail to everyone last night.

  And she wasn’t sure she wanted to face that yet.

  Much less, she wasn’t sure she could face that yet.

  Standing under the spray, she tried to empty her mind for a few minutes. She had an enviable, if not slightly unconventional life.

  Okay, very unconventional.

  Two fantastic guys. A great house. A fun job.

  Did she really…need anything else?

  More to the point, did she want anything else?

  At one point, she thought maybe she did. The idea of having a baby with Max and Sean looked like a great idea. Then…

  Then they’d agreed to table the discussion until later, because she wasn’t sure.

  Now she felt even less sure.

>   If she really wanted a baby, surely the urge would have hit her or something.

  Right?

  But she’d never thought about something like this happening.

  Does it make me selfish?

  She knew her guys wouldn’t mind having kids, but they’d also said the decision was hers and they wouldn’t try to sway her one way or the other.

  That they’d still be happy even if she decided she didn’t want kids.

  She had no reason not to believe them.

  The list of reasons to not have a baby seemed to be slowly growing without her even thinking about it. She agreed living in fear wasn’t a good thing. But when all she could think about was the negative impact to their lives…

  Just to buck that and to live up to some sort of universal ideal was not a good reason to have a baby. Even she knew that.

  After getting out of the shower and dressing, she walked into the office and sat in front of the laptop. Taking a deep breath to steel her nerves, she hit the power button to boot her computer up and waited.

  She sipped her coffee while Baxter jumped up on the desk and meowed at her.

  “I know,” she muttered, finally reaching over to click on her e-mail.

  It looked like over half the people she’d e-mailed the night before had replied.

  Sigh.

  After checking the e-mails, she looked through a couple of new orders that had come in overnight.

  Stalling.

  Her coffee was only half-full, so she got up and walked out to the kitchen to top it off.

  Still stalling.

  Baxter had followed her out, loudly protesting he was about three pieces of kibble short of a full bowl of food, so she refilled it for him.

  Stally McStallerston.

  Eventually, she let out a groan. “Sac up, girl, and get this done.”

  She grabbed her coffee mug and headed for the office.

  Chapter Five

  “You’re hovering again.”

  Chelbie felt her face heat. “Sorry, but I don’t know what else to do.”

  Mallory’s blue eyes were red, her face puffy. “I feel bad that you’re here when you have work to do.”

  “Have laptop, will travel.” She sank onto the couch next to her best friend. “Besides, Kel outranks you. Sorry. He asked me to stay with you today.”

  “This is interrupting your life, though.”

  “Kind of part of the territory of being a bestie. I know you’d be there for me. Just try to keep me away.”

  Mallory leaned against her and Chelbie draped an arm around her friend. “I feel bad about how deeply this hurt him,” Mal softly said.

  “I know I don’t have perfect words for this, but please stop blaming yourself. We’re more worried about you. All of us. Because, hello, we lubs you.”

  Mallory sniffled, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. “How’d this all get so fucked up? Here I was, stupid me, thinking I got the happily ever after I’d always wanted.”

  “You still do, sweetie. I know this hurts, and no one expects you to magically get over it. But Kel’s not going anywhere. You two will eventually find healing.”

  Chelbie struggled to hold her own tears at bay. She knew all the “experts” said breaking down in front of a grieving mom was okay and healthy, but Mallory wasn’t just anyone.

  She was Chelbie’s best friend.

  What would Tilly do?

  Tilly would likely be strong and kick-ass. She desperately wished Tilly was there, not thousands of miles across the Atlantic Ocean.

  Tilly had already called late yesterday to talk to Kel after Landry had broken the news to her. Fortunately, before the e-mail went out.

  Chelbie had finally silenced her cell phone so Mal wouldn’t hear the text and ring tones and voice mail alerts from people wanting to get information on how the couple was doing, or if there was anything they could do for them.

  Right now, Chelbie wanted to focus on her friend.

  She also knew Mallory was surrounded by a huge adopted family who wanted to embrace her, but they couldn’t force themselves on her.

  And Mallory had begged for space, despite Kel quietly confiding to Chelbie, Nick, and Rich that he had a gut feeling letting her totally withdraw was the wrong call.

  But even he wouldn’t force her to people yet, not even for well-meaning, loving friends who wanted to reach out to her.

  Goddamn, I love that fucking sadist.

  The only bright point in this whole shitshow—other than their friends amassing in the wings to swoop in to help when Mal was finally ready to let them—was Kel.

  Chelbie knew he was grieving, absolutely gutted. She’d found him sitting in the nursery—Mal’s old bedroom—last night after Mal had fallen asleep with the help of a light sedative prescribed to her by her doctor.

  And he’d been silently crying, heart-wrenching tears rolling down his face as he slowly rocked himself back and forth there on the floor, his arms tightly wrapped around him.

  Without a word, she’d walked in and sat behind him and hugged him, holding him as he cried.

  He was trying so fucking hard to stay strong for Mal. Not that she’d ever had any doubts about his love for her bestie or their unborn daughter, but it was one of those snapshot of the soul kind of moments she knew she’d carry with her to her grave.

  His raw, unfettered grief.

  So fucking unfair, too. Two beautiful people who’d found each other, each having survived tragedy and loss in their lives, more than enough for one lifetime already, and now…

  This.

  Chelbie knew, second to her own two men, that she’d defend Kel to the death against anyone who dared utter so much as a bad word about him.

  Especially not after the silent battle she’d witnessed playing out in the normally calm, mellow man.

  Mallory spoke again, breaking into Chelbie’s thoughts. “You guys should go to the party tomorrow night. You were looking forward to it.”

  Chelbie thought she’d finally and gently quashed this yesterday. “Honey, I’d rather be here with you guys. I realize at some point you will need alone time, but you need to rest. The doctor said you’re not supposed to lift or strain right now. If nothing else, consider it free housekeeping.”

  Not to mention she honestly worried about her friend’s state of mind.

  “I want people to still go have fun. It’s not their fault my life’s shit right now.”

  Internal warning alarms sounded in Chelbie’s mind. “Sweetie, I’m a big girl. I can make my own decisions. There will always be another play party. I’d rather spend my time with you right now, and that’s my decision to make. I’d get it if you ordered me out of here, but I’m hoping you won’t do that.”

  Mal didn’t so much lean into Chelbie’s lap as she folded, crying again. Fortunately, Chelbie could reach the box of tissues on the coffee table. Chelbie knew this wasn’t just grief, although that was enough of a reason. It was as much a compounded effect of the physical trauma to Mal’s body, the emergency C-section, as it was the emotional trauma.

  “People have survived worse than this,” Mal tearfully said. “Why am I a basket case?”

  “You’re not ‘people,’” she gently said. “You’re you. And whatever you’re feeling right now is valid, unless it’s you trying to blame yourself for this. Because you didn’t do anything wrong. You’re going to grieve and hurt and it sucks and it’s not fair. And I desperately wish I could make this better for you. We all do. But all I can do is sit here with you and help you as much as I can. I’ll listen to you, I’ll hold you. But I won’t let you blame yourself for it.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Hey, that’s what besties are for, sweetie.”

  * * * *

  Mallory had retreated to her bedroom to take a nap before lunch when Tilly called Chelbie. Chelbie stepped out onto the back porch to take the call, not wanting Mal to overhear.

  “Hey, Tilly.”

  “How’s she doing?”
>
  Chelbie didn’t want to lie to her. “I don’t know. Asleep, at the moment. Mentally…not good, right now.”

  “Understandable. How are you doing?”

  “I don’t think I’ve really stopped to think about it. How I feel doesn’t matter.”

  “It does. Don’t ignore your need to grieve, too.”

  “I’m not ignoring it. I just don’t want to deal with it right now. I want to focus on her and on Kel.”

  Chelbie heard Tilly’s sigh even from across the ocean. “How is he doing?”

  “Not good. Trying to hold it together for her. I tell you what, that man is amazing.”

  “Make sure Cali and her guys still hold the party, okay? I read the e-mail, but still, assure people yes, go, have fun.”

  Chills ran down her arms. “I don’t know if any of us feel much in a party kind of mood.”

  “Well, I can understand if you and your guys don’t, but as cold as this sounds, life goes on. Mal and Kel want everyone to have the party, so have the fucking party. I mean…you know what I mean.”

  Tilly sighed. “Look, when I went through what I went through losing Cris, though not the same thing, I didn’t expect everyone to drop their lives for me and my problems and my grief. It would have made me feel worse. I already felt guilty enough as it was for the disruption to their lives with me in the hospital. Love them, support them, and let them tell you what they need. The party going on is something they need. Don’t discount their feelings or wishes.”

  “I know you can’t help it, but I wish you were here.”

  “Believe me, so do I. That fucking husband of mine actually colluded with Leigh and Lucas. Yes, I have a movie to run, but dammit, I wanted to be there with you guys.”

  “What’d they do?”

  “Threatened to cancel all my credit cards so I couldn’t buy a ticket home.” She harumphed. “Jerks. It’s only a thirty-million-dollar budget movie, for fuck’s sake.”

  Chelbie managed a chuckle. “It’s okay. We know you want to be here.”

  “Yeah. All kidding aside, yes, I know there are times I can’t be there to fix things for my friends. There will be more times in the future with all the new stuff I’m doing with work. I have faith in you, kiddo. I know how much you love Mallory. You can do this. Carry the torch for me. It’s what I’ve always done. Especially since we lost Kaden.”