This Moody Bastard Read online

  Max leaned in and kissed him, his tongue fucking Sean’s mouth. “Damn, I love you.”

  Sean brushed Max’s cheek with his thumb. “Love you, too.”

  Cali propped herself up on her elbow. “How about me?” She playfully smiled.

  “You, too.” Sean kissed her.

  Max leaned in and kissed her, too. “Of course we love you.”

  “Just checking. A girl likes to hear it every so often.”

  Chapter Five

  The next Friday morning, there was little of their usual chatter between her two men as they all prepared to leave for the men’s appointment.

  They’d reached the front door when Cali turned and held out her hands. “Are you both sure this is what you want?”

  Max and Sean both nodded. “We’re sure,” Max said. “I don’t know about the chatterbox, but I’m a little quiet because I don’t like any medical procedures. We could be going to the dentist and I’d still be acting like this, much less when a guy’s gonna poke a hole in my ballsack.”

  Sean winced. “Ow. Did you have to say it like that?”

  Even Cali winced. “I really appreciate this.”

  Max, then Sean, took turns kissing her. “Babe,” Max said, “we love you. This is our life, too. It’s stupid to make you stay on birth control pills. I know they sometimes make you feel shitty. In the long run, this will save us money and maybe even save you potential health risks.”

  “Not to mention, no worries about ‘oopsies’ if you take a pill late or forget,” Sean added. “I’m really good with this decision.”

  “You guys have to take it easy this weekend. Just lay around and I’ll take care of you.”

  “No worries there, babe,” Max assured her. “You’re probably going to be sick of us by Monday.”

  “What did you tell work?”

  “That we might need Monday off. We’ll let them know Monday morning if we have to call in. It’s all taken care of.” He pointed at the door. “Let’s get going so we aren’t late.”

  She stopped them one last time. “I love you both so much for this. You have no idea. Thank you for not being upset with me.”

  Sean stepped in and kissed her. “Again, we love you. This wasn’t a unilateral decision on your part. All three of us voted. I think we did this the smart way. I mean, if we’re ever in the mood to need a baby fix, how many friends we got we can offer free babysitting to? A lot. We can enjoy them, spoil them, and send them home.”

  “And then there’s Lila,” Max added. “Ellen never turns us down for babysitting.”

  Cali’s cousin’s daughter was nearly two.

  They finally got out the door. As Sean was locking it, he said, “I hope the damn doctor doesn’t have a sense of humor.”

  “Why?” she asked.

  “Because tomorrow’s April Fool’s Day. I don’t want him sticking an exploding snake or something in our junk for funsies.”

  * * * *

  Max and Sean didn’t even have to play rock-paper-scissors to see who’d go first. They called them both in for prep at the same time, which left Cali sitting out in the waiting room and nervously trying to read her Kindle.

  And failing.

  She knew it was not even a major medical procedure in terms of they weren’t going to be sedated, just a local.

  Still, it worried her.

  Did she trust her men?

  Of course she did.

  Yet slight pangs of regret tugged at her. This was irreversible. The decision had been made, and in her heart she felt it was definitely the right choice.

  Maybe there’s something wrong with me?

  Weren’t women supposed to be genetically hard-wired to want kids? Was she missing some mothering gene?

  Sure, they had friends who were childless, whether by choice or by circumstances.

  How can I love my cat more than I love the idea of having a baby?

  She was still pondering that when one of the nurses stepped out, found her, and waved her back.

  They had them in a recovery area, the curtains usually pulled between the beds open between them. Both men wore gowns, their clothes in plastic bags on a rolling table between the beds.

  “Hey, guys.” She kissed Max first because he was closer, then Sean. “How you feeling?”

  “Numb as fuck right now,” Sean said. “They assured us that will, unfortunately, wear off soon.”

  “Did it go okay?”

  “Doc said it went fine,” Max said. “They want us to wait a little bit to make sure we’re not nauseous or anything, then the nurse will come back and give us discharge info.” He pulled up his gown. He wore snugly fitting briefs—one of the instructions by the doctor’s office to bring with them. Inside, it looked like they’d placed some gauze.

  She’d already purchased two ice bags and had them ready and waiting at home, knowing one of the post-op instructions was to use ice packs to help with pain and swelling.

  “I really appreciate this, guys. I hope you aren’t hating me by tomorrow morning.”

  Max wanly smiled. “Maybe we’ll take it out on you in other ways,” he tried to joke. “But considering everything you do for us, and that you are our life, this is nothing, in the grand scheme of things.”

  She struggled and won—barely—the battle to not cry. “Thanks.”

  Once they were cleared to get dressed and the nurse had gone over their recovery instructions, Cali brought the car around for them so they didn’t have to walk as far.

  As the men gingerly climbed in, Sean in the back and Max in the front, Sean said, “Mom, can we go get milkshakes now?”

  Max winced as he laughed. “Ow, you fucker…ow…”

  Cali couldn’t help but laugh. “Yes, we can stop for milkshakes if you want.”

  * * * *

  Now with the worst of it behind him, Max knew he could stop stressing. They’d both have to come back for follow-up appointments to test their sperm count before the doctor would declare them “safe” so that Cali could discontinue her birth control pills.

  Cali stopped at a Steak ’n Shake drive-through for them so they could get milkshakes. And when they returned home, Sean wanted to camp on the couch, while all Max wanted to do was go to bed.

  Sure, he could take pain in the context of a BDSM scene. That was different. That was the good kind of pain that left him with an endorphin rush and all those other yummy brain chemicals.

  This…wasn’t.

  Cali brought him an ice pack and his cell phone, which he’d left with her during the procedure. “Text me if you need anything.”

  He crooked a finger for her to come close so he could kiss her. “Thank you, babe.”

  “You’re welcome, but I feel guilty you guys are hurting.”

  “’Tis merely a flesh wound,” he teased. “Seriously, big picture, here. This is a good thing.”

  Once he was alone with what was left of his milkshake, his ice pack, and the TV remote, he closed his eyes and relaxed. Yeah, he’d do anything for Cali.

  Unlike Lydia, Sean and Max’s ex, who’d used and abused them.

  Although since she was the reason he and Sean became an item in the first place, he would always be grudgingly grateful for that. Had it not been for her sadistic abuse and training of them, they never would have realized how much they loved each other.

  And by being together, and being who they were, they now had Cali in their lives.

  Thank god we never got Lydia pregnant.

  He shuddered to think about that scenario. To have to spend the rest of their lives tethered to that woman?

  Ugh.

  The more he thought about this life choice, the more certain he was that it was absolutely the correct one for them. They were a family, the three of them. Maybe it would disappoint Cali’s parents—and his and Sean’s—to know they wouldn’t get grandkids from them, but this was their life.

  He liked how fun and spontaneous they could be without worrying about kids being around.


  If that made him selfish, then fine.

  Because he was the happiest he’d ever been in his life, and they were, financially, pretty secure.

  He was lucky and he knew it. They all were. No reason to go tipping that boat.

  * * * *

  Sean stretched out on the couch and finally found a comfortable position to lie in to keep the ice pack against his balls without having to hold it in place.

  Talk about blue balls.

  More like black and blue, if they bruised.

  What sucked was they couldn’t comfortably go out to the workshop and knock out some backlogged product for Cali for the website. This wasn’t the good kind of pain, the kind of pain that made his cock hard.

  This was the kind of pain that made him want to stay curled up in a ball and watch cartoons all day.

  Cali checked on him a while later. “How you doing?”

  “I’d ask you to kiss it and make it better, except that won’t make it better, and I’d rather not have anything touching my balls right now. No offense, babe.”

  “None taken. Wow, I do believe that’s a record, though.”

  “What?”

  “You asking me not to touch your balls.”

  “I think I’d backhand Max in his junk if he tried it right now.”

  “Hence when y’all asked me my opinion, I said get it done at the same time. So one of you wasn’t ragging on the other one, and then the other later getting revenge for it.”

  “Did I ever tell you what a fucking smart woman you are?”

  “Hey, I know you two. Besides, this makes it easier scheduling the follow-up appointment, and we’re on the same timeframe for you both. No use dragging it out one at a time.”

  Baxter strolled over and then decided to jump up on the couch.

  Damned if the cat wasn’t determined he was going to lie on Sean’s hip, because that was the highest point.

  “No, buddy, please, no. Not right now.”

  Cali scooped the cat into her arms. “I’ll take him to the office with me and give him some catnip.”

  “Yes, please get the cat stoned. I like that plan. It’s a solid plan.”

  She smirked. “Now you guys will give me more sympathy when I’ve got bad cramps.”

  “Fuckin’ A, we damn sure will.”

  * * * *

  Cali dredged one of Baxter’s furry toy mice through the catnip container and tossed it onto the office floor for him. “There you go. Leave the daddies alone today, huh? They have owies.”

  Baxter snagged the toy with his paw and started rolling around with it on the office floor.

  She turned to the website to check for orders and get them printed. After prepping them for shipping, she checked on the guys. Max was asleep, and Sean was watching cartoons.

  “I need to run to the post office. You want anything?”

  Sean smiled up at her. “I want a blowjob, but I’ll take a raincheck on it.”

  She smiled. “Another record set. I don’t think you’ve ever willingly requested a blowjob raincheck.”

  “I’ll go for the hat trick and ask for a fucking raincheck, too, just to give it some symmetry.”

  She headed out, and on her way back she decided to treat the guys and stopped through a drive-through to get them burgers for lunch. While she was waiting on their order, she nearly choked on the sip of water she’d just taken when she spotted their ex, Lydia, in the parking lot.

  Dressed in the same uniform the other fast-food workers were wearing.

  And heading inside.

  Looking as miserable as ever, natch. If anything, she looked worse than the last time Cali had seen her, the day she’d tried to snooker Cali into breaking up with Max and Sean. The bitch had flat-out lied to Cali about the guys, making it appear they’d used her, when the truth—verified by their friends—had been the exact opposite.

  Yay, Karma!

  Barely able to contain her glee, she almost left without all their food and had to struggle not to speed on her way home.

  When she burst through the front door, she practically screamed at her men. “Oh my GOD you are NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS!”

  Sean sat up, wincing. “What?”

  “Hold on.” She dropped the food on the counter and ran down the hall to a very disoriented-looking Max. “Can you walk?”

  “Uh, yeah?”

  “Come out here for a minute. I brought you lunch and even better, I brought you news!” She bolted for the kitchen, grabbing the food and drink carrier and taking them over to the coffee table.

  It took poor Max a moment to amble out to the living room. Dressed only in his briefs and the ice bag, he looked like he felt miserable.

  “Here, eat this.” She shoved a bag at him.

  “Is this why you got me up?”

  “No!” She sat on the floor in front of the coffee table, opposite the men. “Guess who is apparently now an employee at this fine eatery where our food came from?”

  “Who?” they asked.

  “Guess!”

  The men exchanged a glance. “We just had our balls cut open,” Max snarked. “Can we get a little leeway on the guessing games?”

  “Lydia!”

  The men’s eyes widened. “No!” they said in unison.

  She grinned. “Yes!”

  Sean studied his burger. “Not sure I want to eat it now.”

  “Oh, she didn’t fix it, don’t worry.” She told them all about it, and finally, they both started to smile.

  “Well, well, well,” Sean said. “Not that I plan on ever eating there again, because I wouldn’t trust her not to spit in our food or something, but holy crap, yay. Her shitty personality finally caught up with her.”

  “She must have run out of submissive men to sucker for money,” Max said as he fished a French fry out of the carton. “Wonder where she’s staying?”

  Cali had unwrapped her burger. “Yeah, I really don’t care. All I know is she looked really unhappy to be there.”

  “I’m sure her coworkers were probably unhappy when she arrived,” Sean said.

  The men fist-bumped.

  “Okay,” Max said. “This was worth dragging my ass out of bed. You were right, babe.”

  “You know,” Sean said, “if we hadn’t gotten snipped today, Cali wouldn’t have been there at the restaurant at that exact time to see her.” He smiled. “A little extreme, but totes worth it, for that alone.”

  Chapter Six

  The next Friday, a week after their vasectomies, and Sean and Max were feeling up to walking down to Essie’s house with Cali for their weekly gaming session. They’d had to move it to Friday from the usual Sunday, because Essie’s men had to be up early Monday morning to start working on another hoarding recovery job that would be filmed for the TV show they appeared on.

  This week, for their game, they were going to try Cats Against the World, a Cards Against Humanity expansion pack.

  Josh answered the door. “Well, you guys look like you’re walking straight,” he teased.

  “Hey,” Essie called out. “Don’t you pick on them. Any of y’all could be next on the list. Just remember that.”

  Josh winced. “Sorry, honey.”

  Cali grinned. “Now, who, exactly, are the Dominants in your dynamic again?”

  He closed the door behind them. “Hey, happy wife, happy life. I’m no dummy.” He took their lasagna from them that they brought for dinner and set it in the kitchen.

  Mark, Josh, and Ted Collins were three brothers. Mark was Essie’s legal husband, even though she was involved with all three of them.

  Even as her best friend, Cali still wasn’t sure how Essie handled three men. Sometimes, Sean and Max were more than enough for her to handle. Not that she’d ever willingly give up either of her men, because she wouldn’t.

  Essie had known the Collins brothers growing up, and had gone to school with Mark. They’d reconnected when she’d returned to Florida when her father died, the men’s cleaning business bei
ng hired to help Essie’s mom reclaim her hoarded house. Essie’s father had been a severe hoarder, and her mom hadn’t had the strength to fight him on it, along with working.

  Not only had love struck Essie and Mark, but the other two brothers, as well. After a slight misunderstanding, the four of them ended up together and happy, and Essie had moved back to Florida for good from Spokane, where she’d been living for years.

  Thank goodness Cali had been able to turn to them when Shane first dumped her. They’d given her part-time work that, along with her job at the animal shelter, had helped her get back on her feet.

  Ironically, now she lived only a few houses down from them, which was how she’d ended up living with Max and Sean in the first place. First as a roommate.

  Then a well-timed bet on the men’s part had her bottoming to them and convincing her they could be a lot more than just friends with bennies.

  Which had led to love, and…this.

  A lifetime together.

  They walked out to the lanai, where Essie, Mark, and Ted sat at the table.

  Essie grinned. “Guess what I found out today?”

  “What?”

  “I’ve been snooping around. I have the dirt on Lydia.”

  Cali grinned. “Spill it.”

  Max, however, didn’t look too enthusiastic. “We’re not going to spend the whole evening talking about her, are we?”

  Sean cocked his head. “What’s wrong? I want to hear this.”

  “Fine, but she’s in the past. History. We found out Karma got her, and that’s all I care about.”

  “Karma not only got her,” Essie said, “Karma ran over her and backed up a few times. She ended up with a guy who totally ripped her off. Identity theft. She apparently thought she was using him by living with him, but he opened a shit-load of credit cards in her name and then left town. He hadn’t been paying his rent, either.”

  Cali snorted. “I’m sorry, but that’s funny.”

  “Couldn’t have happened to a shittier person,” Sean said with a grin as he sat next to Cali.

  Max didn’t sit. “Are we done?”

  Sean stared up at him. “Why are you playing the part of the moody bastard now?”