A Kinkmas Carol Read online

  Another of those sighs, and this time he reached over and patted her thigh. “I know, love. I know. I’m sorry.”

  “Why are you sorry?”

  “Because he met her through the wife of one of my friends, who thought she was helping by introducing them. I didn’t realize how serious he was about her until it was too late to talk to him.”

  “I hope she cheats on him and he divorces her and—”

  “Love.”

  That was an order and she damn well knew it. She fell silent next to him.

  * * * *

  A couple of days later, when Seth had managed to get away to join Kaden for drinks one evening after work, he looked glum.

  “What’s wrong?” Kaden asked, although he suspected.

  “Well, it’s the end of an era.” Seth played with his car keys, which he’d laid on the table after the waitress took his order.

  “The Harley?”

  “Yeah. Guy picked it up today and I deposited the money in the bank. Cash.” He slowly shook his head. “At least Kelly’s happy.”

  “She’s the only one.” Kaden winced, realizing he’d said it aloud. “Sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

  “No, it’s okay.” He sat back. “How upset is Leah?”

  “Pretty upset.”

  “Sorry.”

  “She’ll have to get over it. Not your worry.”

  “But you’re my friends.”

  “That’s why she’ll get over it.”

  Seth went silent for a moment, not speaking again until after the waitress had set his beer in front of him. “Did it really not bother you that Leah rode with me? Kelly said you guys…talked.”

  “No, it didn’t bother me. If it had, I would have said something or not let her do it in the first place.” Kaden tried to tamp back his anger. He wouldn’t put it past Kelly to outright lie to Seth to try to drive a wedge between them. She’d struck Kaden upon their very first meeting as a needy, insecure woman.

  “I made a mistake, didn’t I?” Seth asked.

  “I can’t answer that for you, buddy. I don’t ride a motorcycle. I’ve never liked them myself, but I trusted you, which is why I let Leah ride with you.”

  More fiddling with his keys. Seth acted far more quiet and subdued tonight than Kaden could remember seeing him in a while.

  “If I ask you something, do you promise to tell me the truth?”

  Kaden leaned forward. “Of course.”

  Seth took a deep breath. “Kelly basically said you implied you’d be glad I sold it because Leah was getting too close to me.”

  “I never said that. I never said anything that could even be remotely construed like that. On the contrary, it was Kelly asking me in a roundabout way if I was really okay with Leah riding with you. I told her absolutely I was, because I totally trusted you with Leah and with her safety.” It took every ounce of Kaden’s training and experience standing up in front of juries and facing off against opposing counsels to not explode in anger.

  And, once again, his instincts had been proven right.

  Seth slowly nodded.

  “Look. If our positions were reversed, would you trust me?”

  Now Seth met his gaze. “Dude, of course I would. You know that. Kelly rode alone with you how many times?”

  “All right. If it was your brother, and your positions were reversed, would you trust him?”

  “Well, yeah. Duh.”

  “There you have it. I consider you my brother, Seth. Closer than my actual brother. If Kelly took away some impression other than that, she’s flat wrong.”

  That was close enough to calling Kelly a lying bitch, and Kaden didn’t want to push it.

  Maybe this would finally be the straw.

  He hoped.

  “Yeah,” Seth eventually said. “I was afraid of that.” He finally leaned back in his chair. “I wish I hadn’t agreed to sell it, but she was hammering me hard about it lately. Just from that I should have guessed and made her admit she’s jealous. I finally gave in because I was sick of her constantly going off over it. One less thing for her to bitch about, you know?”

  Relief popped like a bubble in Kaden’s chest. If Seth had finally identified her behavior, it’d only be a matter of time before he started putting all the pieces together and got tired of it.

  Then Kaden could bide his time until Seth was single again and approach him.

  * * * *

  Now…

  Later that morning, Leah stared at her laptop screen. The meeting yesterday hadn’t been as aggravating as she’d worried it might.

  Now that she was back in the saddle, the project would run like clockwork.

  No matter what.

  And it was still only the beginning of November, so she didn’t need to worry that there wasn’t time for course adjustments if needed.

  The project plan on the screen in front of her was blurring, she’d stared at it for so long, but she still felt like she was forgetting something. Before, it felt like she could put one of these events on in her sleep.

  But now it was a struggle to focus, in a way she wasn’t used to.

  Get your head back in the game, woman.

  Today the weather felt uncomfortably cool and damp due to a cold front that’d passed through overnight, bringing rain and unseasonably chilly temps with it. That meant she wore PJs and fuzzy Crocs at Seth’s insistence, since he didn’t want her to be uncomfortable.

  Seth had come in a while ago and was now in the den, working on his computer in there and doing their monthly accounting after having spent a couple of hours working out in the garage. He took point managing their properties and finances, even though she usually helped him do that. But with her energies now focused on the fundraiser banquet, he’d told her he wanted that to be her priority.

  In some ways, it was good to be back to working on the annual fundraiser banquet.

  In others…

  It wouldn’t be the first one she’d attended without Kaden, but it would hurt the most. Another “first” to get through.

  I really am a masochist to volunteer to do this shit every year.

  It had originally started not because she’d wanted to do it but more because Kaden wanted her to have something to do, and he knew she’d be good at it. He’d “voluntold” her for the position when a friend of his had mentioned they were looking for a new Christmas banquet fundraising chair.

  Another reason she likely wouldn’t permanently step down any time soon, unless Seth told her to.

  Kaden had believed in her and in her abilities. He’d proudly sat next to her at nearly every banquet she’d helped run.

  Then there was the last one, his second to last Christmas—

  Stop it. Those thoughts threatened to take her down a road she didn’t want to travel at that moment. It’d been a long while since she’d thought about killing herself, and going too deep into the Kaden rabbit hole would likely take her straight there whether it was where she wanted to go or not.

  She had Seth.

  She had her memories.

  She had her orders.

  She sat up when Seth emerged from the office just before lunchtime. “Can I make you something to eat?” she asked.

  He looked horrible. “No, sweetie. I’m going to lie down and take a nap.”

  “Are you feeling all right?”

  “Just tired. I didn’t sleep well last night. I think I overdid it yesterday and this morning.”

  She knew he hadn’t slept well, because he’d tossed and turned and she’d awakened several times because of it.

  Not that she’d ever say that, because she didn’t want him feeling guilty.

  And she suspected she knew exactly what was behind his poor sleep, because it wasn’t the first night he’d done that. He’d put on a good front for her yesterday when he was unloading stuff into the garage, but he couldn’t fool her.

  Sitting back, she stared at where he’d disappeared down the hallway and thought about one of the orders she
’d been given. One of the index cards Kaden had left specifically for her and she hadn’t shown Seth.

  I guess it’s time I do it. I think he needs it.

  Pulling up her calendar, she started planning and reaching out to their friends.

  Time to have a small, private dinner, sometime after Thanksgiving and before the big Christmas play party, all while working on the fundraiser banquet.

  Sleep? Who needs sleep?

  * * * *

  Leah already had those plans well underway by the time Seth emerged from their bedroom nearly two hours later. He still didn’t look rested, but at least he didn’t look unhealthy.

  Yes, she had her own paranoias to get over.

  Bad memories she simultaneously didn’t want to think about and yet didn’t want to forget a second of, because they’d been the last months of Kaden’s life.

  In some ways she had control of their life. Their calendar was one such way.

  “Oh, Sir? The first Saturday in December, we’re having a small dinner party.”

  He stopped in his tracks on his way to the kitchen and turned. “Why?”

  “Not a play party. Just dinner for close friends. Ed, Pat, Ross, Derrick—like them. Nothing formal. For my birthday, but I don’t want it big.” She offered him a smile. “I should have told you about it earlier. I’m sorry.”

  That wasn’t exactly a lie…

  “That’s way early for your birthday. I thought we were celebrating it at the play party?”

  “I know, but we did that before, and I’d rather it be quiet this time. If that’s all right with you? It’ll be easier on me.”

  “Even though it’s like three weeks early?”

  “The first falls on a Saturday. The second Saturday is the banquet, and the third Saturday is the play party. And we’re not having a big Thanksgiving dinner here since we’re going to Tilly’s.”

  He finally nodded, but it looked like heavy weights had settled on his shoulders. Part of her wanted to cancel right then, but that was even more proof she needed to follow through with it.

  “Okay. If that’s what you want, that’s fine with me, sweetheart.”

  “Can I make you something to eat?”

  “No, I’m just going to grab a sandwich. You keep working.”

  Leah let out a sigh she hoped Seth couldn’t hear.

  Even from the grave, Kaden the control freak was still right, and still running the show.

  * * * *

  Later that afternoon, before dinner, Leah was able to convince Seth to run her to the grocery store on the motorcycle to pick up a couple of things she really didn’t need. They hadn’t taken the bike out in a couple of weeks. A present from her to Seth that second-to-last Christmas with Kaden, a special thing for just the two of them.

  A motorcycle he’d never have to sell, because she enjoyed their time together on it.

  And she was now his wife.

  As she’d hoped, with her arms wrapped around him, both of them wearing their leathers and helmets, she felt him relax some. He’d even given her an easy smile as he walked down the aisles with her and carried the hand-basket for her.

  As they were checking out and he pulled out his wallet, he glanced her way. “You didn’t really need this to cook dinner tonight, did you?”

  About this she couldn’t lie to him. “No, Sir. You seemed to need a ride.”

  He handed the money to the cashier and waited for change. “I did,” he said, smiling again. “Thank you, sweetheart.” He leaned in for a kiss from her.

  Their dynamic wasn’t always M/s. It couldn’t be. Seth needed “normal” time and so did Leah, both for working and for their personal lives. Seth had made that clear up front, and she was fine with that.

  What she’d had with Kaden in the early days was completely different both in structure and origin.

  Kaden had saved her life. Of that, she had no doubt. If it hadn’t been for him, she would have been dead decades earlier, either by her own hand or from someone else’s.

  He’d also taught her how to live, how to enjoy life, and not just merely survive it.

  Now…

  Now, with everything they’d gone through, and with what Seth did for and with her, it’d helped her in countless ways. Tempered her soul with the fires of grief and loss, hardened her.

  There were still times she was tempted to hurt herself, but Seth was eerily clued in now, almost hyper-vigilant in some ways. He nearly always stepped in before she asked him to. There were the times she swam or ran herself to exhaustion.

  Or threw herself into a project, the way she was now with the banquet, their dinner party, and the kinky Christmas play party.

  Multiple projects not allowing her much in the way of free time.

  No time to think in dangerous ways, to let her mind stray to the dark places Kaden tried so damned hard to erase before he left.

  On the ride home, she held on and closed her eyes, feeling the bike between her legs, Seth’s solid, rock-steady presence in front of her, and the past blurred a little with the present.

  How she’d loved those times, riding places with him, knowing Kaden was right behind them in the car.

  The only thing that would have been more perfect most of those times was if it had only been the three of them, without Kelly tagging along.

  Seth had always been theirs.

  It just took them a while to finally make it happen.

  Chapter Six

  Then…

  Kaden caught Leah’s gaze in the bathroom mirror, the playful smirk she threw him over his shoulder from where she stood behind him.

  “You planned this for my birthday, didn’t you, Master?”

  He turned, grinning as he pulled her in and smacked her ass with his bare hand. “No fair guessing. A Dom’s got to have a few secrets.”

  “You want to surprise me for my birthday, celebrate it in July or something.” She rose up on her toes to kiss him. “Thank you, Master. I promise I’ll try to act surprised.” She headed out of the bathroom, presumably to find something to wear besides her collar and wedding rings.

  “Did Tilly let it out of the bag?” he called out.

  “No, Master,” she called back. “Seriously. I guessed. You told me who was coming and who else would you invite?” He heard her sigh even from the other room. “Well, besides Seth, and I’m guessing Paula put the kibosh on that.”

  “Sneaky slave,” he muttered to himself before turning back to the mirror. Startled, he flinched, thinking he saw…something.

  For a fraction of a second, he would have sworn he saw Seth’s face staring back at him, but looking older, worn.

  Aged.

  That was…a difficult subject. He had invited Seth to come tonight. And Seth had immediately and readily agreed. Then he’d called Kaden back an hour later and sadly apologized that he couldn’t attend after all.

  Apparently, Paula had suddenly declared they had plans already and couldn’t make it to Leah’s party.

  Figures.

  Although he had hoped Seth would fight a little harder.

  Honestly? Seth’s marriage to that woman had lasted longer than Kaden had thought it might. Paula barely tolerated him and Leah in Seth’s life, and Kaden wouldn’t deny the feelings were mutual.

  This time, he’d had to stop and give Leah a heavy play session the day of Seth’s wedding, before he left ahead of her to join the wedding party, spanking her hard to help her stay focused and quiet and not stand up and protest the wedding.

  Bless her heart, she’d looked near tears watching Seth take his vows.

  Then again, it’d been all he could do to hand the ring over when required and not pitch it out into the audience, grab his friend, and shake him while asking what the hell he thought he was doing marrying someone so obviously wrong for him.

  The cracks in the facade were there even before they said their vows. Paula constantly texting and calling Seth during the one evening a week when he and Seth got together to chat for
an hour or two, and Seth’s increasing irritation over it.

  About the only time she ever texted Seth normally.

  The rest of the guest list for tonight consisted of kinky friends, but it wasn’t a play night. Seth would have been the only one not clued in—and Paula, had she come with him.

  Kaden had just finished shaving when he heard his cell phone go off with a text message from where he’d left it charging on the bedside table.

  “Love?”

  “Yes, Master. I’ll bring it.” Still naked, she carried it in, handing it over without looking at who the text was from.

  “Thank you, love.” He leaned in for a kiss as he punched in his code to unlock it. Since he used it for business as well as private calls, Leah knew not to check it unless he specifically asked her to.

  When he did that, usually it was with her tied up, only her hands free so she could hold it while he did a skills test on her with a vibrator, or a cane, or something equally devious, making her read it out loud to him.

  His eyebrows shot up. “Oh!”

  She stopped. “Master?”

  He smiled, breathing a sigh of relief. “One extra for dinner tonight, love.” He quickly replied and sent the text before handing the phone back to her.

  “Who?”

  “Seth.”

  A smile filled her face. “Just one?”

  “Apparently, whatever their plans were have fallen through, and Paula isn’t feeling well. But he asked if he could still come.”

  She let out a happy squee that warmed his heart before she bounced up for another kiss. “Yay!”

  Arching an eyebrow at her settled her down and focused her attention on him. “What’s our rule, love?”

  “Master sets the pace with Seth. If he’s still married, he’s off-limits.”

  “Exactly. This isn’t a divorce decree by any stretch, but it’s certainly a good sign that he’s finally standing up to her. Patience, love.”

  Her smile returned. “Yes, Master.”

  “Go get dressed. The blue sundress Seth loves. No panties.”

  Her smile widened and she practically bounced out of the bathroom.