Like the Seasons Read online

  He didn’t want to assume or raise his hopes too much. “If you’re going to have this baby, he really should know, even if he doesn’t want to be a part of its life. He has a responsibility.”

  She turned to face him. “Mom had me. Despite being alone and being taken in by the woman from the church, she did have the option to have an abortion. Believe it or not, the woman offered to help her pay for one if she wanted to go that route, but Mom opted not to.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah. It wasn’t that the woman wanted Mom to do it, but apparently the woman’s sister had been an unwed teenaged mom whose parents threw her out, and it ruined her life. So she had…perspective, I guess? I don’t know.”

  Ella leaned against the counter. “I know it’s going to be hard, and this isn’t how my life was supposed to go. Yesterday morning, I actually thought about getting an abortion, tried to talk myself into it, and realized by lunchtime that it’s not a choice for me.”

  He struggled not to let his relief show. “You’re not alone, honey. I’m never going to abandon you.”

  Tears filled her eyes. “I swore I’d make Mom proud, and here I am, stupid and pregnant.”

  Boyd engulfed her in a hug. “You’re not stupid. You’re in a lot of pain that you never should have had to bear alone.”

  “Mom always said I was stubborn and closed-mouthed.”

  “Well, you get that honestly from me. Sorry.”

  Another tearful laugh, and she looked up into his eyes. “He’s actually older than you by a couple of years. He’s forty-two or forty-three.”

  Boyd shoved back the irrational wave of protective anger threatening to take over. “He needs to take care of his responsibilities.”

  “I’d prefer he didn’t. I don’t want to be tied to him.”

  “Maybe he’ll want to be part of his or her life.”

  “Yeah, no. You don’t understand—he’s a massive jerk. Gorgeous, but a raging narcissistic douchebag. Patients love him and nurses hate-fuck him.”

  “You’re still going to have to tell him. Let’s do it and get it over with while I’m here. I’ll go with you. You work with him and see him a lot there, right? Letting it drag out won’t get any easier.”

  From her expression, he could tell she wasn’t a fan of that plan at all. “Let me think about it.”

  “I’ll go get the coffee dumped out.”

  “Thanks.”

  She closed the bathroom door behind him and he retrieved his mug from the coffee table, finishing it so he could pour himself a second mug before dumping out what was left in the carafe and cleaning it and the grounds basket. He had that finished by the time she emerged from the bathroom and joined him in the kitchen.

  “Sorry about that,” she said.

  “No, it’s okay. I’m sorry I triggered you.”

  “You didn’t trigger me. It’s morning sickness. It would have happened anyway. Coffee just makes it worse. Like a sick joke.” She poured herself a glass of water. “That’s one of the reasons I finally broke down and bought a pregnancy test kit. Four days straight of puking in the mornings, and when I smelled coffee, not even being able to drink the stuff, and no fever. I knew it wasn’t a stomach bug or something.”

  “So what’s on the agenda today?”

  “More talking. And maybe showing you around, if you’d like.”

  “I’d like that.”

  She stared out the kitchen window for a long moment before turning to him again. “Did you want to go visit Mom?”

  He set his mug aside and opened his arms to her, happy when she let him hug her again. “I’d like that a lot, honey.”

  * * * *

  Ella’s apartment had a small lanai on the back. While she was taking a shower, he stepped out there to call Caleb.

  “Good morning, Sir.”

  “How’d you sleep last night, boy?”

  “Missed you, Sir.”

  “Missed you, too.” He kept his voice low. “Anything to tell me?”

  A soft sigh. “I had to jerk off to get to sleep. I missed you and couldn’t get my brain to shut off.”

  He’d suspected he might. “My good boy. I had a hard time sleeping without you, too.” Time to see if Caleb was as all-in as he claimed to be. “So, listen. There’s been a development.”

  “Development?”

  “Ella’s pregnant.”

  “I…did you say pregnant?”

  “I did.”

  “So…we’re going to be grandpas?”

  Boyd’s eyes dropped closed and he rubbed at them with his free hand, trying to stave off the relieved tears wanting to break through. “Yeah, we are.”

  “That’s awesome!” He hesitated. “That’s…that is good, right?”

  “I hope so. Except the guy’s apparently an asshole. I don’t know all the details yet. She doesn’t want to tell him about the baby, but I’m going to try to get her to do it while I’m still here so I can go with her and back her up.”

  “How soon can we get her moved here?”

  Boyd gave up trying not to cry and wiped at his eyes. “Do you know how much I fucking love you right now?”

  Caleb laughed. “Sir, she’s your daughter, and she’s alone. She needs family. We’re her family.”

  Boyd needed a minute to recover from this. Everything was happening too perfectly in some ways, and he couldn’t process. “What was going on with your family yesterday?”

  * * * *

  Caleb had hoped Boyd wouldn’t remember that. “It’s…just them being them.”

  A slight edge sharpened Boyd’s tone, the same tone he used on Caleb when they scened.

  Dom tone. “That’s not an answer, boy.”

  Knowing there was no way Boyd would let this go now, Caleb opted to tell him the short version, the basics, without delving too deeply into the background.

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

  “My family’s homophobic, Sir. It…it is what it is, and I know this about them. It had to come out eventually, because I’m not going to hide who I am anymore. I don’t live there now, and I’m never living there again.”

  “What about visiting them for holidays?”

  “Frankly? I don’t want to. Especially not now.”

  “Are you afraid of your father?”

  “Not with, what, a thousand miles between us, no. But I did a damn good job hiding it, or so I thought, when I was living at home. Plus, I won’t be here next weekend when they’re in Florida. Everyone’s a winner,” he tried to joke.

  “So you are afraid of him?”

  Caleb thought about the last time his father had laid hands on him. He’d been fourteen, and his father had received a report about him being seen coming out of a showing of Brokeback Mountain at the dollar theater in town. He’d snuck in to see it after buying a ticket to see a different movie.

  At the time, Caleb had denied it was him, and he’d gotten away with nothing but a hard shaking, but it’d scared the crap out of him. In the past, his father had usually used a belt on him for “issues.”

  “Maybe your mom won’t even tell him.”

  “Maybe not. I don’t know. Honestly? I don’t even care anymore. I’ve never felt like I belonged in that family. I knew it would come out at some point.”

  It sounded like Boyd sighed. “Okay. We’ll deal with that, if there’s anything to deal with, when we get home. Maybe go in and lock down your Facebook privacy settings, huh?”

  “I will, but I haven’t posted much on there. I really don’t use it that much. Not like I had much to share on there before I left Virginia, and I think I’ve posted three pictures of sunsets on it since I moved to Florida, and I friended you on it. Shared a couple of things. Liked a few of your posts. I use FetLife way more than I use Facebook.”

  Boyd used Facebook every day, was very active on it, even though he had very few people from work friended.

  “Still, lock it down.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

 
There was a heavy pause in their conversation, like Boyd was thinking about something, maybe working up to saying something. “I know this is a crazier situation than you signed up for. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t you dare apologize for this, Sir. I want to be part of your life. Ella’s your daughter, and her baby is our family, too.”

  Caleb wished he was with Boyd. Especially when the man sounded so choked up right now. “Thank you, Cay. You don’t know what that means to me.”

  When Boyd finally ended the call a few minutes later, Caleb leaned against the kitchen counter and stared at his phone, at a selfie he’d taken of the two of them a few days earlier. They’d been in bed, snuggled together, and nothing had felt more perfect, more right.

  From the smiles they both wore, Caleb knew the feeling was mutual.

  For the first time in his life, he truly felt like he was home. Boyd was his home.

  Even if he was on the other side of the country from Caleb right now, Caleb knew the man’s heart belonged to him every bit as much as he owned Caleb’s.

  No matter what he had to do to make it work between them, he would.

  Chapter Seven

  After Boyd took a shower he rejoined Ella in the living room, where she was going through the thumb drive of pictures he’d given her.

  “All these people I don’t know,” she said. “But you and I look a lot like your mom.”

  “Yeah, people always said that about me.” He draped an arm around her shoulders, something knotting inside his heart in a good way when she leaned against him.

  “What about the cousins of yours?”

  “On my mom’s side, yeah. Not super-close to them. Facebook friends, mostly. Haven’t seen any of them since leaving Minnesota. Not real sure about Dad’s family. I don’t think there are any still alive. I mean, like second or third removed, maybe, but I don’t know them.”

  She looked around the apartment. “Mom and I moved here the second year we were out here because we couldn’t afford the two-bedroom apartment on our own after her friend flaked out. She gave me the bedroom and she slept on the couch.”

  He suspected this was another reason she didn’t want to leave, because of her emotional attachment to the place. “Where did you live in North Dakota?”

  “Fargo, mostly. A couple of places when I was little, but I don’t remember. We moved out here from Fargo.” She laughed. “That first winter was culture shock of the good kind. Everyone was complaining how cold it was, and I was practically running around in short sleeves and flip-flops. Mom couldn’t keep a coat on me.”

  “Yeah, I feel ya. My first winter in Florida after Germany was the same way. I was wearing shorts and my roommate in the dorm thought I was nuts. I was like, dude, it’s sixty-one. This is T-shirt weather.”

  “Do you love Florida?”

  “I do. I don’t think I could live full-time where it’s cold now. I’ve been there, what, twenty years. It’s home. It’s a great place to raise a baby.”

  A shuddering breath escaped her. “I’m so scared. I can’t believe I was so…stupid to sleep with the jerk. I was even on the pill. I don’t understand how this happened. I mean, I do, as a nurse, but…fuck.”

  “Hey, happens to the best of us.”

  “Wouldn’t have been so bad if he’d at least been a decent guy, but…” She closed the lid on her laptop and looked up at him. “Did you mean it when you said you’d go with me to talk to him?”

  “Absolutely.” He smiled. “A chance to sadistically put the fear of god into the guy who knocked up my little girl? I’m in.”

  She snorted, the laugh that followed a wonderful sound to his ears. “Oh. My. Gawd.” She shook her head. “I think it’s going to take me a while to get used to that.”

  “Well, I mean it. I wasn’t able to be a dad to you, but Caleb and I are going to be kick-ass grandpas. You just wait.”

  “Did you tell him yet?”

  “I talked to him while you were in the shower.”

  “How’d he react?”

  “Eager. He wants us to be a family. I lucked out when I met him.”

  “I thought you knew him from work?”

  “Yeah, but…” He smiled. “Again, it’s kind of complicated how we got ‘together,’ if you get my drift. Not through the Suncoast Society, but…similar.”

  “Ah.”

  “Yeah.”

  She felt like eating breakfast, now that her initial nausea had passed. He drove, and she directed him to a small family-owned restaurant that sat in a run-down strip mall less than a mile from her apartment complex. But inside, while simple and older decor, it was immaculate and the aromas making their way from the kitchen set Boyd’s stomach growling.

  They didn’t have to wait long for a booth. As they settled in with their menus, he took another look at Ella from across the table.

  She’d pulled her hair back in a low ponytail at the nape of her neck, and she wasn’t wearing makeup.

  “So how’d you find this place?”

  “Mom and I’ve both worked here.” She offered a wan smile. “Even when I was technically too young, they knew our situation and felt sorry for us. They just paid Mom extra to add what I made. I used to pull shifts after school, and she’d come in after her first job to work, and then we’d ride home together when her shift ended. I’d either sit at an empty table or go curl up in the office to do my homework. Depended on how busy they were. They always make everything fresh and they’re really strict in the kitchen about cleanliness.”

  Her smile faded. “When Mom died, the couple who owns it, they stepped in and had their lawyer file the emancipation paperwork and everything for me. Helped me arrange her funeral. They offered to let me live with them but they still had five kids living at home. Fortunately, their lawyer was good and smart and was able to finagle an immediate payout from the logging company’s insurance to get me by in exchange for not suing the pants off them.”

  “Ah.”

  More guilt to process, a fucking mountain of it, and here he was, chipping away at it with a damned grapefruit spoon. That’s what it felt like.

  “I didn’t say that to make you feel guilty.”

  “I know, but it sort of comes with the territory.” He set his menu aside and gently clasped her hands in his. “Move to Florida with us. I’m going to keep asking you until you say yes. You realize that, right?”

  She made no move to pull away as she slowly nodded. “Maybe right before the baby’s born,” she said. “I need health insurance. I can save up enough to pay for COBRA after I quit. But I need to keep working. I can’t guarantee I’ll get another job before I have the baby. I need the money.”

  “Make Dr. Dickus pay for it.”

  “Yeah, he’s probably broke. I know he’s got an ex-wife and he drives a shitty car.” Her gaze met his. “I really don’t want to talk about him today.”

  “You need to talk to him. Before your next work shift.”

  “You’re not going to give up on this, are you?”

  “No.”

  She sighed and pulled out her phone, texting someone. “Let me find out when he’s on the schedule.”

  “Good.”

  She had her reply by the time the waitress had taken their orders. “My friend Jane looked up the schedule. He’s working Monday.”

  “We could go find him today.”

  “I’d rather not go to his apartment. Bad enough I had him in mine. Let’s keep it a neutral location. There’s a coffee shop across the street from the hospital where we can meet him on his lunch break.”

  “Fair enough. Let’s arrange to do it Monday, then. Do you have his number?”

  “Yeah.” She set her phone aside, facedown on the table. “I feel like I’ve disappointed Mom.”

  “Why?”

  “Because all she wanted was to see me do better than she did. Excel in school, get a decent job that would be a career that would take care of me. And all because the pill isn’t perfect, now I’m in the same po
sition she was in.”

  He reached for her hands again, holding them. “Not even close. You’re an adult, you have an education and a good job, and you have a father and hopefully soon a step-father who will have your back every step of the way. Let us in, let us help you.”

  Her gaze dropped to their hands and he didn’t break the silence, waiting.

  “What if I change my mind and decide to get an abortion?” she whispered.

  He struggled to keep his heart from shattering as he carefully weighed his response. He didn’t understand how he could have shifted so hard on his feelings about children in such a short time, but then again, those opinions had always been predicated before in the fact that he hadn’t thought he had a child, much less a grandchild.

  “Are you asking for my opinion, my permission, or my forgiveness?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I’m here for you, as much as you’ll let me be. If that’s your choice, and you need help, I’ll do what I can.”

  “But it’s not what you want me to choose?”

  “Please don’t make your decision based on me. I’m your father, but I don’t feel I have any right to place that kind of stress on you.”

  “What if I have it and give it up for adoption?” Her gaze bored into his.

  “I would ask you to consider giving me and Caleb custody.”

  He could tell from the way her eyebrows arched that his answer surprised her. “You would?”

  “Yeah.”

  “And what if Caleb says no?”

  “That’s not his decision to make for me. I would hope, based on how he reacted to hearing the news this morning, that he’d be all in. If not, then I guess I’ll be a single grandpa.”

  She blew out a long breath, her gaze drifting up to the ceiling. “I want to keep it,” she said. “I just…my mind’s bouncing all over the place. I’m scared, and I…” She focused on him again. “I’m processing.”

  They sat back as an elderly man in a chef’s uniform walked up, smiling. “Ella? You too good to come say hi to me now?”

  “Hey, Papa Tom.” She stood and hugged him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were here. I thought you didn’t work Saturdays anymore?”