Searching for a Heart Read online

She dove in to tackle it head-on. “The management group doesn’t have any rules against fraternization?”

  “They only care about results. Or did I misread you? If you’re taken, my apologies, and he’s a lucky man.”

  “No, I’m single.”

  “Not sure why.” They reached his car and she held back when he went to open the door.

  Her pulse hammered in her neck as she swallowed back the sour taste of fear. This was where she could make a run for it if she had to, call an Uber to take her back to the resort.

  “I’ve been busy running a resort, as you’ve seen. Also, I’m trans.”

  He didn’t even blink. “And?”

  “And?” Okay, that response legit threw her off. She’d never had anyone respond like that before.

  He chuckled. “I know all about you, Maddison. If you think I didn’t have an extensive background check run on you before I showed up here, then you are more naive than I first anticipated.” He held the door open for her. “Some might call me a scoundrel, but I can assure you I am very open-minded. I also have a particular…type.”

  His eyes traveled over her body again before meeting her gaze. This time, he looked more than a little hungry. “While I won’t presume anything tonight, of course, or even in the next couple of months, I’m hoping that you’ll soon see I’m the kind of man who would make the fringe benefits very much worth your while, as well as mutually…satisfying.”

  Oh, fuck.

  Chapter Six

  Eliza and Rusty pulled into Milo’s driveway exactly on time Saturday night. He’d decided he was going to go, enjoy himself, and if nothing else quit staring at his own goddamned navel for one freaking night.

  He’d mowed the grass and cleaned the house from top to bottom.

  That was one benefit to a lack of furniture—he was able to fully air the place out and feel like he’d accomplished something.

  And he was considering painting the whole damn house, too. Another point of contention between him and Linda throughout the years. She had wanted nothing but off-white walls, insisted anything else would be too “busy” or “tacky.”

  Fuck it. I want color.

  He planned on going out Sunday to get paint samples. He’d start with the living room. It’d be easier to paint while he didn’t have anything to move around.

  Rusty was driving Eliza’s SUV, and Milo climbed into the back passenger side.

  “Ready to have some fun?” Eliza asked.

  “I’m ready to spend a night not thinking about what the hell I went through. Not sure how good of a conversationalist I’ll be tonight, but I promise not to embarrass you in front of your friends.”

  “Aw, they’ll all be understanding,” Rusty said. “So how’d it go yesterday?”

  “I am now legally a single man. And she couldn’t even be bothered to show up.”

  “Yikes,” he said. “Sorry.”

  “Nah, don’t be. I’m glad it’s finally over. I’m going to be angry for a while, mostly over the money she took from my retirement account.”

  “Yeah, I’d feel pretty fucking pissed off about that, too,” Eliza said.

  Their first stop was Sigalo’s. He’d eaten at the restaurant before. After taking a seat on Eliza’s far side, he was perusing the menu when a familiar voice hit his ear, making him freeze.

  Without turning his head, he shifted his gaze as far as he could to the right and spotted…yep.

  Abbey Gilomen, and her husband, John.

  Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck!

  And from the way they were greeting others at the table, it was obvious they were regulars to this group.

  Shit!

  He worked with Abbey. She was another team leader at the company. Their positions were at the same level, although he’d been there two years longer than she had.

  He winced and shut his eyes when Eliza spoke up. “Abbey, Gilo, I’d like to introduce you to our friend, Milo.”

  “Well, hello, stranger.” When he finally dared open his eyes, he found Abbey standing there and wearing a playful smirk.

  “Hey.”

  Eliza scowled. “You know each other?”

  “We work together,” Abbey said. Then she reached over and lightly smacked Milo’s shoulder. “Top, or bottom?”

  “Eh, what?”

  “He’s new,” Eliza said. “Freshly minted divorce papers from yesterday. My guess is Top.”

  “Oh, he’s definitely a Top,” Rusty said.

  “What was that, barbarian?” Eliza asked.

  “Nothing, Ma’am.”

  Abbey stepped in close so she could drop her voice, but the playful expression never left her face. “What happens outside the office stays outside the office,” she said. “That goes both ways.” She held out a hand to shake with Milo, and he did.

  “Thanks.”

  “No problem.” Her smile turned into a full-on grin worthy of the Cheshire cat. “I’m guessing you’re the next contestant for the Frightful Five?”

  “I keep hearing that term bandied around, and it’s not instilling me with confidence, I’ll have to admit.”

  Behind Abbey, John laughed. “Duuuuude, you have no clue. You might as well get your prenup ready now. Failure is never an option with them.”

  “Damn right,” Eliza said. “We have a perfect track record. Like hell will I let Tilly down and ruin it now.”

  “Who’s Tilly?”

  Rusty chuckled. “You don’t even want to know, buddy. It’ll blow your brain badly enough watching Abbey and Gilo do their thing. Just absorb stuff as it happens.”

  * * * *

  Apparently, the Saturday night dinner was a core group of friends from the Suncoast Society munch group who also usually frequented the BDSM club, Venture. Not everyone showed up every Saturday, though. As Milo was introduced to newcomers, he was starting to see what little hopes he had to maybe meet someone tonight diminished by the person.

  Everyone was partnered.

  “Don’t worry,” Eliza said. “This is the process. Get you introduced so people have met you, and then the groupthink does its thing and puts out feelers. The more people who know you’re looking, the better our chances of finding you someone.”

  “Doesn’t mean I’ll like them, or that they’ll like me.”

  “Like I said, we have a perfect track record.” She smiled. “Although technically we can’t count Skye and Axel amongst them, because they already knew each other from before.”

  Speaking of, they chose that moment to show up, as did Mike Kennedy and his wife.

  “Should’ve brought my dice,” Milo joked. “We could start an impromptu game.”

  “I have a dice app on my phone,” Rusty helpfully suggested.

  “Don’t you dare,” Eliza said, shooting Rusty a glare. “That kind of dungeon gets crawled on weeknights. We’re here for the literal kind of dungeon tonight.”

  The three of them left a little earlier than the others, as did Skye and Axel.

  “We’re all volunteering tonight,” Eliza told Milo. “So let me get the newbie talk out of the way now…”

  She ran through the club’s rules with him, which he’d also read through on the club’s website earlier. As she talked about basic protocols and common courtesies, he realized he was about to see a whole ’nother side to his friends that he usually didn’t.

  Once they were there, he skimmed through the paperwork, signed, and handed over his money while Eliza checked his license against the DOJ database of registered sex offenders.

  “There you go.” She also slapped a wristband on him and had him sign in. “You’re now a member of a BDSM club.”

  Rusty laughed. “One of us. One of us,” he droned. “No, seriously, you’re one of us now.”

  “Does this mean I’ll start grokking some of the inside jokes?”

  “Oh, absolutely,” Axel said. “Hang with me most of the night. When I first got into all of this, I was totally freaked the fuck out, so I’m probably your best barometer
right now.”

  “Not a bad idea,” Eliza said.

  Two men and a woman walked in. “Oh, hey,” the woman said. “You beat us here tonight.”

  “Milo, this is Cali, Max, and Sean. Cali’s the volunteer coordinator for the club.”

  “You brought me a new victim—I mean volunteer?” Cali joked.

  “Not so fast,” Eliza said. “He’s one of our other kind of dungeon friends.”

  “Gonna start feeling like high school again around here,” Rusty said.

  * * * *

  They took Milo inside and showed him around. He’d already looked at pictures of the place on their website, and watched a video tour they had posted, as well.

  And as the evening started and people arrived, he was introduced to so many people he knew he’d never remember everyone.

  It turned out to be a good thing he ended up paired with Axel, who proved to be a very calm, level-headed voice of reason while Milo watched scenes take place.

  “The important thing that I didn’t understand at first, even though everyone including Skye told me, is that you have to find what works for you. Don’t get freaked out by anything you see, because no one’s expecting you to do that. What turns you on might turn me off, and vice-versa. Think of it like a D&D character. You and I might both build lawful good paladins, but they’re two completely different characters by the time we’re ready to play them. And that’s fine.”

  Milo wasn’t sure what to think about some of the scenes he watched. Nearly brutal, and yet still beautiful at the same time. Although the rope bondage definitely turned him on, as did some of the more sensual scenes.

  Rusty pulled him aside to talk midway through the night. “How are you doing?”

  “I’m okay. I’ve seen some stuff that doesn’t thrill me and I’m trying not to freak out.”

  “This is good. I’ve noticed you talking a lot with Axel.”

  “Yeah. I think he’s going to end up being my main reference, for now.”

  Abbey and her husband walked over. Now that they were at the club, he noticed she’d donned a leather collar, which he thought meant she was a submissive.

  Except Gilo…

  Oh, boy.

  He wore a leather hood, a leather collar, leather cuffs on his ankles and wrists, and a leather jock.

  And nothing else.

  She also held a leash attached to his collar.

  She smiled. “Yeah, he’s in gimp mode right now. I’m going to beat his ass, then he’s going to beat my ass.”

  “Um…okay?”

  “We’re switches,” she said, reaching over to rub the top of Gilo’s head through his hood. “Sir will come out strong on the back side, I’m sure.”

  “They blow the bell curve,” Rusty playfully teased. “Definitely watch their play with the realization that they are on the advanced end of things. You aren’t even fully in the kiddie pool yet.”

  “Will do.”

  By the time they left that night, the one thing Milo had settled completely in his mind was that he was a Top. He had no desire to be on the receiving end of any of the play, except maybe to see what something felt like so he knew more about it.

  And he definitely liked the idea of someone bottoming to him, being able to take care of them, having their willing submission handed to him. Axel told him that put him in the Dom category.

  There was a regular rope group, too, and he was invited to start attending that. Axel and Skye were regulars to that. So another path to explore, since the rope scenes he’d watched had really drawn him in.

  It was nearly three o’clock in the morning by the time Rusty and Eliza dropped him off at his front door. After letting himself inside and resetting the alarm, he opted to head for the bathroom to take a shower.

  Watching various scenes all night had another effect on him he wouldn’t deny. He felt horny, as in really horny, for the first time in a long damn time.

  Not just a physical itch to scratch as it usually was lately, but like desire burned deep in his balls in a way he hadn’t felt since the early days of being with Linda.

  Before she turned off all affection and sex.

  Climbing into the shower, he grabbed his cock and thought about the scenes he’d witnessed. His mind focused on one of the rope scenes, which had an element of impact and orgasm play involved.

  In his brain, he thought about a woman of his own in his ropes, someone trusting him to tie her up and play with her, someone who wanted his attention.

  Someone who craved pleasing him.

  That shoved him over the edge harder and faster than he’d anticipated, and he stood there with cum dripping off his hand and down the shower wall while trying to catch his breath.

  Okay, then.

  Eliza, Axel, and others had told him what fantasies hit him hardest would likely help him discover what interested him the most.

  Rope it is.

  He cleaned up and headed for bed. As he lay there waiting for sleep to take him, his mind drifted to rope, to paddles.

  To someone on their knees in front of him asking him to play with them.

  To someone actually wanting him.

  Chapter Seven

  Maddison managed to safely return to her room without having to play whack-an-octopus with Holmes, but now she was seriously fucking creeped out, not to mention her PTSD had triggered.

  And she couldn’t really say much about it to anyone.

  Scratch that—she couldn’t say anything to anyone about it.

  For starters, no one was supposed to know about the takeover yet. Technically she took off Tuesdays and Wednesdays, so she could be around for the weekend rush.

  Now she was wishing she had somewhere else to be—anywhere else—and that she didn’t live on-site.

  The last thing she wanted to do was get herself fired and not be able to claim her severance package.

  At least Holmes hadn’t tried getting handsy with her in the car on the way back from dinner. During the drive, perhaps sensing he’d pushed a hair too far, he’d kept their discussions limited to the resort and its operations, back to friendly, but professional in demeanor.

  He’d also picked her brain about the other resort, giving her an overview of problems it was having and asking her advice.

  Still, when she returned to her suite, she threw the security bar, locked the deadbolt, and took a long, hot shower.

  It felt like she needed a brain bleaching, too.

  Guess I was right the first time when I thought he was Douchebag McDoucheyballs.

  She couldn’t even tell Fen about it, because he’d no doubt immediately drive over and come charging in, ready to do battle with the guy. Sure, she’d had creepier propositions in the past, but they’d felt harmless, at the time. Interactions she could literally back away from and retreat, even if it meant cutting out early on a date or ghosting altogether, leaving a couple of twenties on the table for her share of the meal, claiming she was going to the bathroom, and having the staff sneak her out a back entrance so she could call an Uber or get to her car, if she’d driven herself.

  Those last instances were very, very rare, only three times had she resorted to that.

  This motherfucker…

  Not only had this guy already researched her, and been able to find out she was trans—and she wasn’t sure she wanted to ask how or where he learned that info, if it was from Gonzales or somewhere else, because she was sure her parents had the records sealed when they’d gotten her marker changed and had all her personal paperwork redone—but he also basically fetishized her. She understood exactly what he was telling her when he told her he had a “type,” and he wasn’t talking about her slender curves, long legs, or tight ass.

  Ew.

  Add to all of that, helloooo, married. Or, at the very least, had a live-in girlfriend back in California.

  And he was nearly twice her age. Which normally wouldn’t be that much of an issue for her if everything else lined up with the guy.

/>   There’s my starting point—age and marital status.

  She couldn’t let him see her acting rattled, though. She’d sussed out he was the kind of guy looking for and willing to exploit exactly that kind of leverage.

  Maybe he has a “type” for more than one reason.

  Maybe he found trans women easier to prey on, since many didn’t report things the way cis women did, and that was a pretty damned low ratio to start with. Life was hard enough, especially if someone didn’t pass as easily as she did. Bringing unwanted attention to herself, considering she’d already been fucked over by law enforcement and the justice system once in her life, wasn’t something she felt eager to repeat any time soon.

  She’d already been at work in her office for over two hours when, a little after seven the next morning, Holmes showed up, a playful smile on his face and a cup of coffee in his hand. She had passed the word about him, exactly what he’d suggested telling people, so they knew to give him free access. He wore perfectly pressed slacks and a short-sleeved, button-up shirt with the VC company’s logo embroidered on the pocket.

  She’d spent the night tossing and turning, nightmares and flashbacks preventing her from sleeping. Which was the only reason she was down in her office that fucking early today. Usually she didn’t get there until quarter ’til eight on Saturdays, unless she knew it was going to be particularly crazy for some reason.

  “You’re up early on a Saturday,” he said as he nudged the office door shut behind him and sauntered over to the chair in front of her desk.

  “Busy day. And we’ve got two large banquets later. I like to make sure everything’s running smoothly.”

  He crossed his legs. “I hope I didn’t scare you last night.”

  “Scare me?”

  He smiled. “Don’t play coy. We’re both adults. You can say ‘not interested’ and I won’t hold it against you. Although, don’t be surprised if I turn up the heat a little to try to woo you. I do like a challenge.”

  Ew.

  Point, the first. “I don’t get involved with married men, Mr. Holmes.”

  He shrugged. “We aren’t married. She has a couple of boyfriends. She knows I have…women.”