Empty-Handed Heart Read online

  “Who says I’d be safewording?”

  “Instead of one of us playing Hide and Seek with you, imagine two of us doing it.”

  He thought she shivered, her smile increasing. “I’d love it.”

  It was a game he and Ren had played. Him blindfolded in the middle of the room while Ren silently stalked him, playing with him, usually with a whip, the strokes coming from anywhere at any time.

  She loved playing it, too, even though it always tugged at his heart because he wished he was the prey and not the predator.

  * * * *

  Check-in at the hotel and the event went reasonably quickly. They received their name badges that would get them into the convention area, and their goodie bags, said hi to a few friends from Sarasota, then headed upstairs to their room on the ninth floor with their luggage to drop it off and relax before they explored.

  She nervously glanced around into the elevator before stepping inside. “Yeah, this part will be sucky.”

  “Deep breaths, sweetheart. It’s all right.” He’d forgotten her claustrophobia included elevators.

  “I hate elevators.”

  Worse, there seemed to be a lack of elevators considering the size of the hotel, only four of them for the entire fifteen-floor facility. They’d had to wait for three different elevators before they’d been able to get their luggage upstairs.

  “We’ll work on that this weekend. I promise.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  At least the key cards worked to get them into the room on the first try, and they had a great view of downtown Tampa. Their room faced south, and they could see the Lightning’s hockey arena and Harbor Island.

  “This is nice,” she said. “Thank you, Sir.”

  “You’re welcome, pet.” He turned so he could hold her. “I mean it. Let’s start talking about moving in together. Doesn’t need to happen next week, but I want you to have options.”

  She hooked her fingers through his belt loops as she stared up at him. “Thank you, Sir.”

  “What’s our schedule look like?”

  “Two classes before dinner, then one after. But we have time to chill out right now, if you want. The vendor floor isn’t open yet and there aren’t any classes going on right now.” She jumped at a crack of thunder not far away. “Okay, that might mess up dinner plans.” They focused on the building clouds outside, a typical Florida summer afternoon thunderstorm quickly developing.

  “We’ll play it by ear.” They were parked at a pay lot a couple of blocks away. He’d unloaded her and their luggage at the hotel’s front entrance and had her wait for him, because he hadn’t wanted her to walk. “Worst comes to worst, we’ll eat here in the hotel.”

  “That’s more expensive.”

  “My problem to worry about, pet.” He stared down into her eyes. “Remember, this weekend is supposed to be a vacation from life.”

  Her smile lit his heart. “Yes, Sir. Thank you.”

  * * * *

  Niall had checked in to his room on the tenth floor and stared out at the skyline. Five years since he’d been to Tampa. He’d taught at this event before, in this very hotel.

  With Aden.

  I can’t do this to myself today.

  He dug his meds out of his overnight bag and took a dose. It’d help calm him ahead of his class this afternoon. Give it enough time to start working. Meanwhile, he could take a tour of the large vendor floor and find out where his classroom was so he wasn’t lost and caught unaware.

  He also broke out the essential oil blend he used, a mix of lavender, vanilla, and others, specifically engineered to help with stress. He dabbed a couple of drops on the insides of his wrists and took a deep breath, followed by a drop on each side of his throat. It wasn’t overpowering, and wasn’t as likely to accidentally trigger an allergy attack in someone, like cologne or aftershave might.

  The elevator took forever to arrive, but at least it was empty when the doors slid open. As he headed down, he’d just started to focus on his breathing when it stopped and opened again on the ninth floor.

  Oddly enough, it wasn’t the T-Rex that startled him. It was the sight of Max, Sean, and Eliza standing there, along with another woman who was apparently with Max and Sean.

  They looked just as shocked to see him. “Niall?” Eliza said.

  “Long time, no see, eh?” He stepped forward and hit the door open button on the panel, holding it. “Goin’ down, then, are we?”

  “What are you doing here?” Eliza asked. Their green badges indicated they were working as vendors this year.

  “Teachin’ a couple o’ classes.”

  Eliza finally stepped in, moving to the side so the T-Rex—whom he presumed was Rusty—would have room in his costume to fit. The other three followed.

  Niall punched the close door button. “I take it yer goin’ to the second floor?”

  “Yeah,” Eliza said. “Vending room. I didn’t realize you were teaching this year.”

  “Heh.” Niall rubbed the back of his neck. “Actually movin’ back. Drove in a few days ago. Spent a couple o’ nights in Tampa with my Da, then I’ll start looking for a new place after this weekend. Start my new job next week. Hadn’t really told anyone yet. Can’t wait to get back together with the gang.”

  If that information got back to Aden, then it would.

  He couldn’t take it back and wouldn’t ask them about Aden. Not right now, when he had a class to psyche himself up to present.

  Fortunately, more people were able to cram into the elevator car on floors below them, sparing any of them from more talk. He parted ways with them at the second floor, breathing a sigh of relief to be off the elevator.

  First things first, he found the closest bathroom and went in, using it and then splashing water on his face after washing his hands.

  You can do this.

  He’d have to figure out how, because he knew the odds of him getting back together with Aden were likely not in his favor.

  * * * *

  The first class was a snoozer on knife play. Well, Aden thought it was a snoozer, but Etsu, who’d seated them in the front row, seemed enraptured and asked his permission to volunteer. Since Aden knew the guy and had seen him teach before, he let her.

  It was fun to watch her really getting into everything, wide-eyed at all the fetish outfits models in the vendor room had been wearing. While she was used to attending Venture and munches with him, this was her first “larger world” experience with kink.

  She was absolutely fricking adorable.

  He remembered when he used to feel that way about it, how he and Niall had explored—

  No.

  He wouldn’t let himself think about Him today. And he damn sure had to remember to not call him Niall around her. He’d passed the word when he’d first started dating Etsu to refer to Niall only as Ren, what had been his FetLife name. After what Joel and Fen had been through, maintaining others’ privacy had definitely made sense.

  He never wanted to be the reason something came back to haunt Niall professionally, or worse.

  As soon as that class ended, Etsu practically dragged him to the next one, just a room over. He didn’t even have time to read the schedule posted on the door to see what the class was about.

  She snagged them front-row seats for this one, too. “I’m so excited!” she whispered to him as people filtered in.

  He took the convention program from her to read through it. They always had a large vendor floor at this event. It was a mix of content producers and lifestyle people. For a moment, Niall’s voice filtered through his mind, joking about the “backpack boys” they consistently saw year after year, fans who followed the fetish models with their cameras, their backpacks of camera equipment ever-present.

  The room quickly filled. He’d just found the schedule pages toward the back when he heard the door swing shut and the low murmurs in the room immediately died down.

  Then he thought his heart would explode.

 
“Right!” The man clapped his hands once, and Aden knew without looking that he was rubbing them together as he walked. Knew exactly how he was rubbing them together.

  “Let’s get started then, shall we?” The voice had spoken from the back of the room, but Aden didn’t have to turn his head to be aware of the man walking down the center aisle between the two sections of chairs as he headed to the front of the room.

  Aden spotted his boots first, but they were scuffed and dull, no luster to the black leather at all. As his gaze lifted, his cock inflated when he looked into those blue eyes for the first time in five years.

  “Welcome, everyone,” Niall said. “Dr. Niall Renard, or DocHypnoDraner, as you might have seen me on FetLife. Not the kind of doctor who prescribes meds, I’m afraid. Although I do tinker with minds professionally.” The audience, including Etsu, laughed.

  Aden could barely breathe.

  Fuck. Me.

  Niall’s last name backward.

  I’m a fucking moron.

  He’d skimmed the classes online before signing them up for the weekend, wanting to make sure he didn’t run into Niall here.

  For this very reason.

  Aden could tell his presence in the room was having just as unsettling an effect on Niall as it was on him. Spotted his nervous tells, a couple of stumbled words, and as far as Aden could tell Niall didn’t have anyone with him to act as his volunteer.

  Or…with him.

  As Niall ran through his introduction to erotic hypnosis, what it was, what it could do, Aden sensed him finally settling into a rhythm. There was very little different from when he’d helped him teach the class, and he’d tucked a few more funny one-liners here and there that the audience loved.

  Audiences always loved him. His blue eyes and that Irish brogue he toned down so people could understand him, he was fucking charming.

  Asshole.

  Why can’t I fucking stop loving you?

  * * * *

  Niall had a moment of panic when he’d turned to face the audience and spotted Aden sitting there. Not normal panic, but legit he thought he might pass out panic.

  From the way the cute redhead next to Aden sat with her hand resting on his thigh, and no rings on any fingers—and no collar around her neck—he tried to summon hope even as he desperately tried not to forget anything.

  Especially when he saw Aden still wore the captive bead ring Niall himself had placed in Aden’s right ear all those years ago.

  When he forced himself to look elsewhere in the audience, he couldn’t help but be aware that Aden never took his eyes off him. At one point, he would have labelled Aden’s expression as shock, although he knew he’d long ago lost the right to assume he knew him at all.

  He’d planned to call on a woman seated toward the back, a part-time fetish model he’d worked with at several previous conventions in California. He hadn’t prearranged it with her, but she’d always told him if she was in his class she’d be happy to volunteer.

  As he drew close to the actual demonstration portion of the class an idea hit him, so utterly horrible and perfect at the same time that it nearly made him laugh.

  He walked over to stand in front of the eager-looking woman seated next to Aden. “Now, for this next part, I need a volunteer. I promise, no stripping, no clucking like a chicken, no handing over your banking passwords, or anything like that.”

  Her hand shot up immediately as she smiled, then belatedly looked to Aden.

  He glanced her way before fixing those sweet and sultry brown eyes on Niall and nodded.

  But Aden’s expression darkened slightly in a silent warning.

  Don’t hurt her.

  If she was with Aden, there was a better than good chance he had put her into trance before.

  He hoped.

  Otherwise, this could backfire on him badly, but he’d use it as an example of how some people couldn’t be put into trance and then call on the acquaintance to complete the demo.

  Or perhaps even…Aden.

  Niall held a hand out to her. “Your name, my dear?”

  “Etsu.” She took his hand and stood to follow him forward to the chair at the front of the room.

  She was ridiculously easy to work with—leading him to believe Aden had been keeping up at least some of his skills.

  To be this close to the woman close to Aden, to have Aden unable to not see him as he worked with her...

  Maybe I’m a masochist after all.

  At least, an emotional one.

  * * * *

  Aden didn’t hear a word Niall said through the class. All he could do was stare at the man he loved, in agony, wishing he was Etsu.

  Wishing he’d made her sit there and volunteered to go up in her place.

  To feel Niall’s touch on his shoulder.

  His voice soft in his ear as Niall ran through his usual patter

  His Mháistir.

  Dammit.

  And Niall wasn’t wearing any rings, either, although Aden had gotten a whiff of the essential oil Niall still wore when he’d taken Ets up as his volunteer.

  Plus he knew damn well Niall was keeping her up there longer and for more of this than he usually did, including much of his talk to the audience while keeping her in trance.

  Finally, when Niall finished and brought Etsu back to her seat, making a point of holding her hand and handing her off to him, their fingers touched. Aden knew it wasn’t his imagination that Niall lingered, deliberately brushing his fingers against Aden’s even as his blue gaze bored holes through his soul.

  “Thank ye for allowin’ me to borrow yer girl. She was certainly easy to work with.”

  Aden smiled and nodded and hoped no one noticed him dying inside.

  He sat there during the Q&A portion of the class, wishing he could stand and run.

  Or stand and throw himself at Niall’s feet.

  Except he knew the audience might misconstrue him running, and no way in hell would he ever do anything like that to Niall. The man was damned good at what he did and how he taught it.

  He’d sit there and stew in his personal hell and make sure he didn’t reflect poorly on his…

  Mháistir.

  Fortunately, when the class ended, several people walked forward to talk to Niall, and Etsu had to use the bathroom. So they were able to easily and quickly make their way out.

  Even at the door, he turned back one last time and found Niall’s gaze on him.

  I’m so fucked.

  Chapter Eight

  A thunderstorm had kicked in by the time they made it through the sluggish elevator queue and upstairs to their room. Etsu happily chatted and asked him questions and he hoped he didn’t reveal how he was dying inside.

  At least the rain gave him the perfect excuse. “We’ll stay here and eat downstairs before the next class.”

  “Are you all right, Sir?”

  “Yeah. Just…” He didn’t want to lie to her, but he couldn’t bear to tell her the full truth right now. “Memories.”

  It was almost twenty minutes later when Aden and Etsu waited for the elevator so they could return to the lobby. With the thunderstorm still in full force outside, they weren’t the only ones knuckling under and eating at the hotel’s restaurant.

  Like hell he wanted to half drown getting the car and then trying to go somewhere in this slop. Plus they’d both get soaked when they got there, and it’d be even worse trying to find parking close to the hotel after they returned. Add to it Tampa’s rush-hour traffic, and forget it.

  It was worth a twelve-dollar cheeseburger to stay dry and not have to brain right now when it felt like his world was close to imploding.

  When the elevator doors slid open, Aden had been looking at his phone as he stepped forward, Etsu’s hand in his other hand, until her happy tone pulled him up short.

  “Hi, Niall!”

  Aden’s gaze locked with Niall’s. The man stood there, every lanky six two inch of him lounging against the back of the car, a smirk
on his face and those damned blue eyes of his piercing right through Aden’s soul. Legs crossed at the ankles and thumbs hooked into the pockets of his jeans.

  And that bulge Aden knew all too well even through the black denim covering it.

  Before Aden could pull her back, Etsu was already stepping past him and into the car, dragging him with her.

  Fuck.

  “Hello again, my dear,” Niall purred, but Aden knew he wasn’t saying it to her.

  He was saying it to him.

  This was worse than watching him with her in front of the class.

  Infinitely worse.

  From this close, he could smell the goddamned hints of vanilla, lime, and lavender in the essential oil blend Niall still used to help control his crowd anxiety. All that overlaid by the cock-hardening scent of leather from his vest and boots.

  Especially the boots.

  Black motorcycle boots Aden knew better than his own goddamned hand.

  Goddammit, looking down and now really able to pay attention showed Aden those boots in desperate need of a good blacking, boots he’d spent countless hours tending to and kissing and coming all over.

  “Been years since I’ve had them properly tended to,” Niall said, not smoothing his accent now and every edge of his brogue burrowing into Aden’s soul like jagged glass and ripping apart every last barricade of his emotional defenses. “I don’t suppose ye know anyone decent who can black, do ye? I’m…particular.”

  Blood rushed into Aden’s ears, filling his brain with a dull roar as his gaze lifted again. While Niall’s face was turned toward Etsu, his blue gaze was still anchored to Aden’s face.

  “Sir is amazing with leather, especially boots,” Etsu said, her lilting giggle just below the surface as one of her high-heel-clad feet reached out and brushed against Aden’s booted foot. Of course she’d be entranced by Niall. Everyone was fucking entranced by the sonofabitch, including him.

  And Aden’s traitorous cock, which had hardened at the thought of kneeling before Niall, naked except for the black apron, Niall’s booted foot resting on top of his thighs as he snapped the rag over them, his own cock hard and pressing against the sole of Niall’s boot through the apron.