Any World That I'm Welcome To Read online

  Under any other circumstance, Neil would have delighted in being snuggled against Dex like this.

  But the man was hurting—mentally, physically, emotionally. They both were. Well, Neil not physically.

  Neil finally lifted his head so he could stare into Dex’s eyes. “You’re coming home—our home. I’ll handle getting you moved out.”

  “What about the deposit?”

  “If they’re that big of dicks that they’d still keep it, fuck ’em. I’ll make sure to tell them that the local TV station will love to run that story. Injured paramedic, fiancée in ICU, and they won’t let you out of your lease?”

  Wade snorted. “Dude. I know you’re a Dom, but let Neil Dom you right now. Seriously. At least for a little while.”

  Dex nodded. “Yeah. Please. I’ll pay you back for whatever it costs.”

  “It won’t cost anything but boxes,” Neil said. “I’ll get that handled and I know June and Leah can organize a team. We’ll load everything into my garage for now. You can have Tam’s room or the guest room.”

  “The guest room,” Dex said without hesitation, sounding close to tears again. “Please don’t move her stuff.”

  “I won’t. No one will touch her stuff except you or me. I promise.”

  “If you need extra help,” Wade said, “I’m sure I could get some of the guys from the station.”

  “I’ll let you know,” Neil said. “I can get your clothes and small stuff moved myself.”

  Wade had to leave and get back to work. Once it was just the two of them again, Dex still clung to Neil’s arm.

  “I’m scared,” Dex said.

  Neil rested his head on Dex’s pillow. “I’m scared, too. But I’m here. You’re not alone.”

  “What if we never get her back?”

  “We’ll get her back. Our baby brat is stubborn. You think she can’t beat this, think again. I know she can.”

  “The doctor said it’s bad. He tried to get me to sign a DNR and organ donor forms for her a little while ago. Said you refused to sign them.”

  Neil had to force back another wave of anger. “They had no right to ask that of you in your condition.”

  “I think me flipping him the bird answered the question.”

  Neil stared at him for a moment, processing, before he managed a laugh. “We are a team, huh?”

  “Yeah.” He stared up into Neil’s eyes. “I think I’m going to go back to sleep, but can you stay with me until I do? Please? Then go home and sleep. You look like hell.”

  Neil shifted position with his arm so it was more comfortable for him, fingers laced with Dex, laying his head next to Dex’s on the pillow. “Yeah, buddy. I’ll stay here with you until you fall asleep. I’ve got your back.”

  “Thanks.”

  * * * *

  Neil awoke with a start to realize it was nearly midnight, and June was standing in the doorway.

  Dex was sound asleep.

  Carefully, he extricated himself from his friend and resisted the urge to lean in and kiss his forehead again for fear of waking him up.

  Once he was outside and had slid the cubicle door shut behind him, June said, “We need to go talk.”

  After Neil checked on Tamsin, June led him out of the unit and into the waiting room.

  She kept her voice low. “A doctor just made rounds and asked if I was family. I said yes, extended family. She wanted to talk to me about a DNR and organ donation forms for Tamsin. I flat told her you were the go-to, and that you were in Dex’s room.”

  Cris stood and walked over, Bob looking on. “What’s going on?”

  There were a few small clusters of people in other parts of the waiting room, which was the only reason Neil didn’t start screaming.

  “Can you channel Tilly?” Neil only half-joked to Cris.

  “Why?”

  Neil explained, Cris’ expression turning hard and cold. “Let’s go.” Without waiting, Cris marched through the ICU doors, leaving Neil scrambling to catch up.

  Cris walked up to the main ICU desk. “We need to speak to the unit’s nursing supervisor and whoever the head on-call doctor is for this unit. Right now.”

  It took a few minutes, but they were escorted into a small consult room where Cris refused to sit as he addressed the two women.

  “I don’t know what part of no the staff of this hospital does not understand, but Mr. Abbott has already told people that we’re not signing a DNR or organ donation forms for Tamsin Mulder. Our next step will be having our attorney file a restraining order, as well as contacting the Sarasota TV station to do a report on how this hospital seems bound and determined to harvest a woman’s organs when she’s not dead yet.”

  The doctor’s lips pinched together in a tight line. “Ms. Mulder has on her driver’s license that she’s an organ donor, and in light of—”

  Neil pounded his fist on the table. “She’s not fucking dead! What the fuck is wrong with you people?”

  Cris didn’t miss a beat. “I’m sure this hospital would love to garner a reputation for trying to market in organs for transplant recipients. I’m sure that’s not a reputation your shareholders would approve of.”

  The nurse looked exasperated. “It’s standard procedure to—”

  Cris cut her off. “We are not unsympathetic to how many people there are needing transplants. And yes, Tamsin is an organ donor. However. She is registering brain functions, is she not?”

  “Yes,” the doctor said, “but—”

  “But nothing. Now, we plan on having someone here with her pretty much around the clock. If her condition should drastically decline, then yes, we will get Neil on the phone if he’s not present and it can be discussed at that time. Until then, if any of your staff mentions signing anything other than permission for treatment forms, we will notify our attorney. Is that understood?”

  “You’re being extremely unfair in how you’re characterizing this situation,” the doctor said.

  “Ask me if I give a shit, lady.” Cris braced his hands on his hips, full-on Dom mode if Neil had ever seen it. “We are in shock and grieving and worried about Tamsin. My wife is a nurse, and trust me, she is someone you absolutely do not want chewing you up one side and down the other about this. We ask that you do your job to treat her and heal her to the best of your abilities without us worrying that there might be more nefarious motives at play.”

  The nurse looked like she wanted to take a swipe at Cris herself. “Our staff is highly dedicated. How dare you—”

  “How fucking dare you? He said no once. Period. Trying to run an end game around him by asking Dex—who, FYI, is in a lot of misery himself right now—and then asking other family members to overrule Neil is fuckery, pure and simple. At least that’s how it’s appearing to us, and I’m sure our attorney will agree. So prove me wrong, lady, and let’s put this incident behind us, huh? You are taking a situation that’s already a painful tragedy and grinding glass in the wound, whether you mean to or not, and it’s pissing us off.”

  If Cris wasn’t taken by Landry and Tilly—and whatever it was they had going on with Bob—Neil would be tempted to blow the man right there, witnesses or not.

  The man had deep strength Neil knew he himself might be able to muster in other circumstances, but right now, he felt completely defeated.

  Neil gave the doctor full credit for swallowing what he was pretty sure was some rage of her own. She stared at Neil. “You are aware of exactly how poor her prognosis is, correct?”

  “She has brain functions. They told me that much. She’s not brain-dead.”

  “It’s very likely she might not wake up. It’s extremely possible she’s sustained severe brain damage we can’t identify yet.”

  Neil choked back his fear, which was threatening to manifest as the remains of his dinner all over the table. “Possible doesn’t mean definitely. We’ll deal with that if that’s the case when it’s proven.”

  “If you wanted to ask me if she were my relative—
”

  “But she’s not,” Neil said. “And that’s our point. She’s our loved one.” He forced the lump in his throat down. “Tamsin is ours. I’m her best friend and know her better than anyone, even her fiancé. If I thought I wasn’t following her wishes, then I’d be the first one asking for the fucking forms. But if there’s hope, no matter how small, that’s what we’re going to focus on. That’s why she trusted me to be her power of attorney, the same way I trusted her to be mine. And if it was me in that bed, I’d like to think she’d be standing right here having this same damn argument with you about me.”

  Except…deep in his heart, he worried if he’d made the right choice or not.

  The doctor tried one last time. “In the initial confusion of her being admitted, I’m not sure it was properly explained to you our procedures for organ donation. We are absolutely not trying to rob a live person or let her die. That’s not how this works at all.”

  “Fine. Still not signing them. You keep it up, lady, and I’m going to become acquainted with the hospital administrator on a first-name basis. I’m sure me and my attorney crawling up his ass will reflect well upon you and your department.”

  Cris patted him on the shoulder. “I’m sorry, but our decision is final. This was handled carelessly and insensitively from the start. You want to blame anyone, blame the ER doctor who backed Neil into a corner. I don’t know if she’s right out of medical school or what, but someone needs to send her to a sensitivity training course.”

  Cris guided Neil toward the door, opening it for Neil and following him out. Then he slipped his arm around Neil’s waist, and not a moment too soon.

  Neil nearly crumbled, barely able to choke his sobs back until they got out in the waiting room, where Cris seated him in the closest chair and stood in front of him, leaning over, holding him.

  June and Bob rushed over.

  “What happened?” June asked.

  Neil couldn’t answer and let Cris speak for him. “It’s okay. He’s just wrung out. We both kind of channeled Tilly in there. He needs to let it out. But, the good news is we don’t need to test if prison orange is our color…yet.”

  June wrapped her arms around both of them as Neil cried in their arms.

  Chapter Nine

  They moved Dex to a regular room Tuesday afternoon, Dex’s mom doing her level best to keep herself physically between Neil and her son, as if she was afraid he might catch the gay or something.

  If it hadn’t been for Loren’s presence to help keep him grounded, Neil suspected he might have gotten himself evicted from the hospital for going off on the older woman.

  They were able to stop Dex’s bed in front of Tam’s cubicle so he could look in at her. “My poor baby,” Dex whispered. “My poor, sweet baby.”

  Neil noticed Dave Lee had to keep pulling his wife out of the way so Dex could see Tamsin. When Dex started crying and trying to talk to Tamsin, the woman kept interrupting Dex, “comforting” him, getting in his way and blocking his line of sight of Tam.

  When someone squeezed Neil’s arm, Neil realized Loren had wrapped hers around his to hold him in place when he’d unconsciously taken a step toward the stupid woman. Meanwhile, the nurse and CNA patiently waiting for Dex to give them the go-ahead to continue kept their mouths shut and looked extremely uncomfortable about Ethel Lee’s behavior, not that he could blame them.

  “Mom, would you please go wait in the waiting room until they get me moved?” Dex asked.

  Ethel Lee mustered a level of righteous indignation the likes of which Neil had rarely seen outside of catty drag queens. “What?”

  “Go. Now.”

  “Come on,” Dave said to his wife.

  She struggled to get free. “Well, what about them?” She jabbed her finger at Neil and Loren.

  “I want Neil and Loren here,” Dex said. “They love Tam. I love you, Mom, but I’m sick of your attitude about Tamsin. So please go. Come up and visit once they get me in the room.”

  The man finally led his huffy wife out of the ICU.

  Dex motioned for Neil to walk around and stand next to him. Loren released Neil’s arm so he could.

  Then, what he did next finished Neil. Dex took Neil’s hand in his, brought it to his lips, and kissed the tips of his fingers. “Please,” Dex whispered. “Give that to Tam for me.”

  Neil nodded. “Sure, buddy.” He walked into the cubicle, making sure he stood so Dex could see. The respirator tube in her mouth made it impossible for him to touch his fingers to her lips, but he went for her cheek at the corner of her mouth.

  Then he leaned in and kissed her forehead. When he emerged, he kissed Dex’s forehead. “That’s from her.”

  The nurse brought a box of tissues for them, and Dex used one to wipe the tears from his eyes. “Thank you. You know I can’t do this without you, right?”

  “Yeah, well, I can’t do this without you, either, so we’re even.”

  * * * *

  With a full contingent of volunteers to watch over Tamsin and Dex, Neil had returned to work Wednesday, which was for the best.

  It kept him away from Dex’s mom.

  He’d get up early and stop by the hospital on his way to work. After work, he’d go by Dex’s, fill his car with a load of stuff, then go by the hospital, and then home.

  Change clothes, unload the car, back to Dex’s for another load.

  Friday, fortunately, Dave and Ethel Lee had to return home due to his job and Dex begging his father to get Ethel out of there before Dex disowned her. Friday evening, Neil headed straight to the hospital after work to find Dex alone in his room, staring at the TV and sobbing.

  He rushed to Dex’s side. “What’s wrong?”

  Dex pointed at the TV, where The Big Bang Theory was playing, syndicated reruns on a local station out of Tampa.

  Tam’s favorite show.

  Neil dropped the bed rail on Dex’s right and climbed in to hold him as Dex sobbed.

  “June went downstairs to the ICU to check on Tam for me,” he choked out. “She just left before you got here. I started flipping channels.”

  “It’s okay, buddy. I’m here. Let it out. No one expects you to keep it in.”

  “How do we get her back?” he moaned. “What if she never wakes up?”

  “Shh, it’s okay. We take this day by day. We don’t let ourselves think like that. She went through a lot, and they warned us she’ll be in a coma for a while. It’s helping her body heal.”

  “I can’t even fucking walk by myself right now. How am I supposed to take care of her?”

  “Right now, you let us and the hospital staff take care of her. You need to take care of yourself. I’m here. Our friends are here.” He rested his chin on top of Dex’s head. “We’ll get through this. Have you eaten dinner yet?”

  “Yeah.” Neil sat up as Dex reached for a tissue from the box of them sitting on the table over his bed. “June hounded me.” A harsh laugh barked free. “I know she’s Scrye’s slave, but damn. That is a woman I do not want pissed at me. I think she would have crammed it down my throat if I hadn’t eaten it.”

  “When do you get back to a regular diet?”

  “By next week. At least I got pudding tonight.” He winced and reached down to his left thigh. “And my fucking incision on my leg is itching like a motherfucker. I’d kill for a real damn bath.”

  “They didn’t give you one today? I thought that was on the to-do list.”

  “I didn’t ask. And I wasn’t about to ask June to do it.”

  “I’ll do it. If you’re okay with that.”

  * * * *

  Dex stared up at him. “You sure?”

  Normally, Dex might question the boundaries of friendship not extending quite that far, despite the fact that Neil had permission to stick his fingers up Tamsin’s cooch.

  Except…he felt gross and really wanted a shower and a shave.

  “I wouldn’t have offered if I minded.” Neil got out of the bed and removed his blazer, draping
it over the back of his chair. “Let’s do that. I bet you’d feel better.” He started rolling up his sleeves. “Not like I haven’t seen you naked before.”

  There was that.

  Common sense won out. Neil was offering, and no, Neil didn’t offer to do stuff that he didn’t want to do.

  “Okay,” Dex said. “Thank you.”

  Neil asked the nurse for supplies and advice about what could and couldn’t get wet. She removed Dex’s monitor leads and disconnected the IV for them. Once the men were alone, Neil closed the room door and helped Dex into the wheelchair to push him into the bathroom.

  After Dex had used the toilet, Neil helped him into the shower, the bench seat there.

  Dex felt shaky, the renewed pain making him weak. He leaned against the wall and held on to one of the handrails. They started with shaving him, Dex closing his eyes and holding still while Neil skillfully took care of that. Then Neil used the handheld shower head and started scrubbing down the scrubbable parts.

  When Neil had reached the last, obvious region, he cleared his throat. “How familiar you want me to be with you?”

  Dex didn’t open his eyes. “Buddy, I hurt so bad I don’t care. If you don’t mind, I don’t mind.”

  * * * *

  Okay, then.

  In nearly any other circumstance, Neil would be cracking jokes and loving the hell out of this.

  Except this was nearly the worst of circumstances, and his libido had skipped town without leaving a forwarding address.

  They got through it, Neil quickly and professionally getting him cleaned up. After shutting the water off, he towel-dried him, gently patting any areas near an incision or dressing.

  “Better?”

  “Sooo much better, thank you.” Dex still hadn’t opened his eyes.

  “How bad’s your pain?”

  “On a scale of one-to-ten, about a ninety-four.”

  “I’m sorry. Let’s get you back in bed.” He draped the clean hospital gown over him, getting it fastened in the back before helping him transfer from the shower into the chair.