Out of Bight, Out of Mind Read online

  Ford’s head whipped around as he met Aaron’ gaze. Then his eyes glanced over at the F’ahrkay before returning to meet Aaron’s. He slammed the lid back onto the pot. “Fuck this shit,” he grumbled then headed back down the hall to their quarters. Aaron leaned around the corner enough he spotted Emi’s clothes in a pile in front of their door. Ford knocked and pleaded with her, finally resorting to using the override panel and punching in an access code to force the door open.

  After shooting a final glare Aaron’s way, he scooped Emi’s clothes up and went in, closing the door behind him.

  Aaron drew in a sharp breath through his teeth and turned to the F’ahrkay again. “Please, let’s just make this easy on everyone, okay? If you want to know how you can help, then get me on the ship’s com link before you come up here, and I’ll give you the all clear if it is.”

  “I am sorry I am a burden, Aaron.”

  He scrubbed his face with his hands. “You’re not a burden. You have to understand my position, however. I’m not trying to keep you isolated and alone for the whole damn trip, but she’s our med officer and our wife. And she is physically and emotionally uncomfortable when you’re in close proximity. So I’m doing my best to walk a fine line between keeping her needs met as well as not making you a pariah. But I need a little help here, okay?”

  “I understand, Aaron. I apologize for causing her discomfort.”

  Kayehalau’s tone and inflection made Aaron pause at first, but then he walked over to check the casserole. “Not your fault,” he mumbled as he peeked into the convection oven. “Just…just give her breathing room. Stay away from the hydro lab and the sick bay, because those are her domains.”

  “I will do as you ask, Aaron. And again my apologies for her reaction. If there is anything I can do to make it up to the doctor, please let me know. I would appreciate the chance to alleviate her discomfort.” He turned and left the galley.

  Aaron didn’t try to figure Kayehalau out. Maybe it’s just the way they are. He busied himself finishing dinner preparations.

  * * * *

  Ford wanted to rip the F’ahrkay’s head off at his shoulders for interrupting their sexy time.

  Correction, for making Emi uncomfortable and terrifying the crap out of her. Hell, it was the first time she’d come out of her shell in nearly two weeks and had acted almost like her normal self.

  When he followed her the first time, she’d locked the door and at his knock yelled at him to go away. Then he had to get out of the galley, away from Kayehalau, and went back to their quarters.

  This time, he wouldn’t be refused. Especially when the sound of her sobbing on the other side of the door nearly ripped his heart out of his chest. “I’m coming in, Emi.” He opened the override panel and punched in the code. Gathering her things, he walked in and shut the door behind him, locking it.

  His heart nearly broke at the sight of her curled into a tight ball and sobbing in the center of their bed. “Oh, sweetie.” He dropped her things and rushed over to her. Pulling her into his arms he held her, rocking her. “It’s okay,” he murmured. “Let it out. It’s not your fault.”

  “Why do I feel like this?” she sobbed. “I hate this. I hate feeling like I’m out of my fucking mind!”

  “I know, baby. I know. It’s okay. I’m here.” Now wasn’t the time to talk. He only wanted to console her, get her through this, until she felt more stable. Hell, if she wanted, he’d move down to the hydro lab with her, if it meant that she’d have some measure of peace.

  When Aaron knocked on the door a half hour later, Emi had dozed in his arms. He gently untangled himself from her and let Aaron in. He carried a large tray with their dinners and glasses of iced tea on them.

  He set the tray on a dresser, looking sad when he spotted Emi curled up on the bed. “How is she?” he whispered.

  Ford shrugged, then waved Aaron into the head so they could shut the door and talk without her hearing them.

  “She’s wigged out. And what’s worse, she knows it’s not normal for her to feel like this. It’s tearing her up inside that she can’t get past it. She feels guilty and horrible and childish, but she can’t ignore what her empath senses are telling her.”

  Aaron crossed his arms and stared at the floor. “For what it’s worth, I talked to Kayehalau again. He says he’s sorry for the effect he’s having on her.”

  Ford snorted. “That and five credits won’t even get your cock spit on in a brothel.”

  “What the fuck do you want me to do? I can’t boot him simply because he freaks her out. And it’s not fair to him for me to banish him to the fucking cargo hold when he hasn’t done a damn thing wrong. He doesn’t have as much as a poor performance review in his file. Tell me what the fuck I’m supposed to do, Ford. You think this job is so fucking easy? I’m the goddamned captain. I’m not about to put him through shit just because of her issues. You’ve been on the wrong end of an asshole captain, and I refuse to be like that.”

  Ford threw his hands up in the air. “I don’t know what to tell you. All I know is it really fucking sucks seeing her in so much pain and being helpless to do anything about it.”

  “Don’t you think I know that? I’m not a heartless bastard.”

  “I didn’t say you were.”

  “Then cut me some slack here and help me figure out what the fuck to do.”

  “I don’t know what to do, Aaron! She doesn’t even know what to do, and she’s the damn doctor. If she knows she shouldn’t be feeling like this, don’t you think there’s a bigger problem here?”

  “Yeah, but all I know is we have orders to follow and unless she’s in physical danger from him, which she’s obviously not, I can’t kick him off just because he makes her uncomfortable. We all need to just suck it up and help her through it the best we can and not be dicks to the guy.”

  Aaron left to clean up the galley while Ford went to wake Emi up for dinner.

  * * * *

  Emi awoke with a start from a bad dream when Ford gently shook her. “Hey, babe, dinner.”

  She pulled the sheet around her, nervously scanning their cabin.

  “It’s okay. We’re alone.” He handed her a plate. “Aaron brought it for us.”

  She felt guilty. “You stayed here with me?”

  He sat across from her. “Of course. I’m not going to leave you alone feeling like that.”

  She tried to make herself eat despite no appetite. “How do I get through this?”

  “I wish I had an answer for you. Maybe the three of us can gang up on Aaron and make him order the guy to cargo for the duration.”

  A wave of guilt swept through her. “No,” she mumbled. “Don’t do that. That’s not right. The problem is me, not him. Since I’m obviously the only one who has a problem with him, I need to be the one to deal with it, not him.”

  “I wish I could fix this for you.”

  She looked into his blue eyes, which held nothing but love and concern for her. “Me, too.”

  Chapter Nine

  By the end of the fourth week, Emi struggled to maintain a professional façade when outside their quarters. She swore she’d suck it up and deal with it.

  Forget sharing my feelings. They know how I feel. I need to deal with it.

  They’d finished testing Kayehalau’s equipment on the first stop, and had left orbit the night before. This afternoon, once Kayehalau finished confirming his readings, they would jump to the next destination, do the testing there, and then they could dump him at Mars.

  Four more weeks. I can make it four more weeks.

  She hoped.

  She also told Aaron not to order the guy to stay in cargo, but to please ask him to avoid the hydro lab and sick bay whenever possible.

  It wasn’t easy. No matter how hard she tried, she felt a sickeningly dark aura from the F’ahrkay anytime she was within close proximity of him. She was the last one out of their quarters that morning, Aaron having taken the night watch. From the galley drifted th
e delicious aroma of bacon, eggs, and something she couldn’t place her finger on, but that had a decidedly fruity aroma.

  With her stomach now grumbling, she dressed and headed out to the galley. But when she got there, she stopped cold in the doorway. Aaron and Caph were sitting at the table and eating.

  Kayehalau stood at the stove, cooking. Eating cookies or other food he’d made for them ahead of time was one thing. Having to stand there with him cooking was more than she could handle.

  She turned on her heel, but Aaron was faster. “Emi, come on and eat with us.”

  She froze, the muscles in her neck and shoulders tensing up. “I’m good, thanks. Going to do inventory—”

  “Come on, babe,” Caph chimed in. “You can grab breakfast with us. Please?”

  She closed her eyes and only through sheer force of will did she force back her tears. The hopefulness she felt from Aaron and Caph barely overriding the nasty darkness she felt from Kayehalau.

  Slowly turning, she kept her gaze directed at the floor so she didn’t have to look Kayehalau in the eye. “Really, guys, I’m okay. I’m not hungry.”

  “It is all right,” Kayehalau said. “I shall take Ford’s plate to him on the bridge.” He picked up one large plate, and a mug of coffee, and headed out the other way.

  She took a deep breath as the darkness left with him, only looking up once she knew he was gone.

  Aaron’s brown gaze held concern, while Caph’s green eyes had filled with worry.

  She started to head for the counter to grab herself a bagel when Aaron stood. “Em, please. Sit down. I’ll fix you a plate.”

  “No, it’s okay, I—”

  “That wasn’t a request, sweetheart.”

  She swallowed hard and looked at him. I will not cry. I will not cry, dammit!

  “Please? I would be so proud of you if you did.”

  Not wanting to disappoint him or make herself feel even worse for not being professional, she gave in. Aaron walked over to her and gently led her to the chair next to Caph. When she sat, Caph immediately slung an arm around her shoulders and kissed her cheek. “It’s okay, babe. Please eat with us.”

  “He cooked?”

  “He’s a good cook. Not the first meal he’s cooked for us, either. You’ve liked the other stuff he made. We just never told you he made it.”

  She’d deal with that betrayal later. “I didn’t have to stand there while he made it, either.” Aaron brought her over a plate. She studied it. “What is it?”

  “Bacon, eggs, and crepes with fruit and cream cheese fillings. He’s obviously not poisoning us.”

  She glared up at him.

  “He’s trying. He’s really, really trying. He understands how you feel, and he’s completely sympathetic to it. Under the circumstances, I’d say he’s being damn generous. You’ve done nothing but avoid him, and he’s cooking breakfast trying to make you feel more comfortable.”

  She clenched her jaw to hold back the scathing retort she wanted to scream at him. That they weren’t feeling what she felt. That they had no idea what she was going through around him.

  And how much she hated herself for not being strong enough to just put those same feelings aside and ignore them. She felt worse than guilty.

  She felt like a failure as a doctor and an officer.

  Aaron sat back down with them to finish his food. The three of them were still sitting there eating when Kayehalau returned from the bridge. She felt his approach before he ever entered the galley.

  He didn’t smile or make any other facial expressions at them, which she’d learned was normal for their kind, but he did slowly bow his head in her direction.

  “I hope it is to your pleasing, Dr. Hypatia.”

  She also noticed he used the men’s first names, but always addressed her by her title or last name.

  She took a deep breath, her stomach threatening to rebel against the food she’d just eaten despite how good, in fact, it was. “Yes, Kayehalau. It’s very good. And…” She swallowed hard. “Please, you can call me Emi. I’m sorry I’m not handling this very well.”

  “It is all right, Doc—Emi. Thank you. I understand. Aaron has explained to me your empath senses. I am truly sorry my presence causes you distress.”

  Now she felt mega-guilty in addition to wanting to hurl, despite how his creepy, flat tone of voice always wigged her out. “I’ll get through it. It’s all right.”

  He looked at her plate. “Oh. You did not get any of the compote.” He grabbed a small pot off the stove’s back burner and carried it over to the table, a small ladle in his other hand. “It is strawberry. From the ones you brought up from the hydro lab. It is supposed to go on top of the crepes. Would you care for some?”

  She glanced first at Aaron, then at Caph. She nodded. “Thank you. That would be nice.”

  He bowed his head to her again and ladled some of the compote over her remaining crepe. Under the table from either side of her, both Caph and Aaron patted her thighs. The happy feelings she felt from them for her making the effort almost helped counteract the ominous cloud.

  Almost, but not quite.

  * * * *

  She somehow survived breakfast. Yes, the food tasted great. Good, it didn’t poison her. But she still felt even more than out of kilter. As she sat in sick bay and tried to focus on reports, she had trouble pulling her thoughts together. Like she’d developed a sudden case of the scatterbrains.

  Then again, she had felt out of sorts ever since leaving Robards Alpha.

  Must be the stress of dealing with the guy.

  It had grown more pronounced every day since their departure. She could walk down to get something from a storage locker, and then get there without a clue as to why she’d gone in the first place. To the point she’d started making herself little notes on her handheld.

  She knew the paranoia was in no small part a result of the stress she felt over Kayehalau’s presence on their ship. But even she was beginning to wonder if maybe she needed a checkup of her own.

  When she thought about her breakdown a few days earlier, after Kayehalau walked in on her little striptease, she sat back and closed her eyes and tried to firmly pull her mind into objective doctor mode.

  If this were any other patient, experiencing symptoms that appeared to grow progressively worse, she’d order blood work, scans, and a complete physical to see if there were any abnormalities.

  Okay. That I can do.

  Having something to focus on made her feel a little better. She walked over to the exam room and prepped a few things. Then she shoved the sleeve of her sweatshirt up past her elbow and tied on a tourniquet. She quickly drew three vials of her blood, shaking each vial to mix the blood with the medium inside. Finished with that, she stuck a bandage on her arm and hooked the vials into the computer for testing.

  One down.

  It would take a couple of hours for the computer to complete the battery of tests she’d selected, over sixty, which would give her a thorough starting point.

  Something deep inside her intuition told her the answer didn’t lie there, but she’d do it anyway.

  Kayehalau didn’t appear during lunch, but he’d prepared them a delicious spinach and cheese quiche and left it cooling on the counter. Aaron had already taken a piece and headed back to the bridge. Emi eyed it with suspicion, waiting so long that Ford finally fixed her a plate and forced her to take it.

  “You know, you need to take it easy, babe,” he said. “I can feel your tension, and I’m not even empathic.”

  She glared at him as she sat at the table. With an acerbic retort on the tip of her tongue, she stopped, took a deep breath, and forced herself to relax. “I’m not feeling very good.”

  Caph looked concerned. “You all right?”

  “I don’t know.” She picked up her fork and stabbed at the end of the piece of quiche. “I did a blood draw on myself a little while ago. The computer’s crunching through it now.”

  “What’s going on?�
�� Ford asked.

  “I. Don’t. Know.” She caught herself and tried again. “Maybe it’s more than just Kayehalau. Maybe there’s something wrong with me. I don’t know.”

  Ford took her hand in his. “Hey, why don’t you come down to engineering with me after we finish eating? Kayehalau won’t be anywhere around, and I’ll go over the jump engines with you.”

  She mustered a smile. “Again?”

  He grinned. “Again. I’ll explain them to you a million times if you want me to.”

  She took a deep breath and picked up her fork again. The quiche did taste delicious. “All right. Deal.”

  Chapter Ten

  She spent over an hour with Ford down in engineering, using a voice recorder to capture what he said. No matter how many times she tried, she couldn’t wrap her mind around the physics and mechanics that were the jump engine. That didn’t mean she didn’t want to try to understand it. The Tamora Bight was her home for the next several years, and she wanted to know as much about it as she could. She wanted to be an asset to her men for more than just her medical skills and training. She wanted to feel useful.

  She wanted something complicated to focus on that might take her mind off Kayehalau’s presence on board.

  “You good?” Ford asked, concern in his voice and washing from him to her as they left engineering and emerged in the cavernous cargo hold.

  She nodded, despite feeling the whiff of Kayehalau’s presence somewhere nearby. He was on the move, she sensed that, but where he was she couldn’t tell. Hopefully he was heading to the bridge.

  Ford pulled her close and kissed her, cradling her cheeks in his palms. “It’s going to be okay, sweetheart,” he whispered. “We’re halfway through the mission. I know this has been rough on you, but we’re so proud of you.”

  She nodded, blinking away the prickle of tears threatening. “Thanks.”

  “Love you.”

  She forced a smile she knew didn’t fool him in the least. “Love you, too.”