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  “Did you eat yet?” she asked.

  “No.”

  “Neither have I, but—” She quickly added, “I wanted to wait for you. And I’d like to talk first.” She took his bag and led him down the hall to the nursery door, where she’d left a box of tissues on the floor next to it.

  He balked. “Mal—”

  “Please,” she said.

  “I can’t do this, sweetheart. I’m going to—”

  “Cry,” she gently said. “I know. So am I. I need this, and so do you.”

  He offered no resistance as she pulled his arms around her from behind and held one pressed around her waist.

  The other, she held on to his hand and wrapped their fingers around the doorknob. “I haven’t been in here since before that day,” she said. “It’s been long enough.”

  Before he could argue, she firmly closed her grip around his hand and turned the knob.

  His sharp suck of air along the nape of her neck broke her heart, but no more than seeing everything exactly as it’d been before that day.

  Releasing him, she bent over, picked up the box of tissues, and stepped into the room, turning as she backed up. “Follow me. Please?”

  He looked…defeated. Hopeless.

  As gutted as she felt.

  Maybe that had been the problem the whole time. They’d both been trying to hang on and hold things together for each other so badly that they’d missed the whole point—they needed to do this together and not put on a brave face for each other.

  They both needed to be weak and broken together before they could help each other pick up the pieces for good and begin to rebuild.

  He took a deep, shuddering breath and stepped into the room with her.

  Mal didn’t turn on the lights. There was enough from the hallway and slipping around the edges of the blinds that she could see the crib they’d laughed as he’d assembled, the stuffed animals they’d bought for her, the three packages of onesies she’d bought and hadn’t even opened yet, still lying where she’d set them on the top of the dresser barely filled with anything.

  Nearly empty.

  She sat on the floor in the middle of the room and set the box of tissues next to her, pulling a couple out. Then she patted the floor in front of her.

  He dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. “Babe,” he hoarsely said. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

  “That’s why we have to.”

  He dropped his hands and stared at her, and she knew in this moment that Niall, Doug, and Doyle had been absolutely right, all three of them.

  Kel hadn’t hit bottom yet, but he was about to.

  Meanwhile, before this attempt, she’d been hanging around below the surface of their shared dark emotional sea, subconsciously holding her breath and waiting for him so they could ascend from the hole together. But they’d both floundered as he struggled to stay afloat for her, and she’d struggled to stay under for him, to hold him at the surface so he could breathe.

  And they’d both nearly drowned.

  Kel slowly sank to the floor in front of her. Before he could resist or protest, she climbed into his lap, facing him, her legs wrapped around him and holding him so he couldn’t get away.

  She knew he wouldn’t try, either, terrified of hurting her.

  This one time, it worked to her advantage.

  “Please cry,” she softly begged. “Please, Kel.” Her own tears flowed. “I love you and I don’t want to lose you. I’m losing you every bit as much as you were losing me. We need to do this together.”

  He stared into her eyes for a long moment before he closed his, buried his face against her shoulder, and sobbed. Despite her own tears, she closed her eyes and breathed a sigh of relief to hear him finally—finally let go like this.

  “Hold on to me, Kel,” she said. “Please, Sir. Hold me.”

  It took her some more gentle coaxing, but finally, she felt his arms tighten around her and it made her cry even harder, but this time in relief.

  “I-I’m sorry,” he sobbed. “I don’t know how to be strong anymore. I don’t know what else to do to save you.”

  “I know, Sir. You don’t have to be strong for me anymore. I got this now, I swear.”

  “When does it stop hurting so much?” he moaned.

  Mallory pressed her face against his neck and gently nipped him there. “I don’t know, Sir. I don’t think it ever completely stops. I think we need to let go and learn to be okay with that.”

  * * * *

  Kel didn’t know how long they sat there and cried together. He felt like a total, utter failure that he broke down, despite everything he logically knew. That it was healthy and good and natural.

  He didn’t care.

  He was supposed to be her strength.

  He was supposed to be her rock.

  He’d promised to take care of her, and so far, he’d utterly failed in every way.

  She pressed a tissue into his hand, and he blew his nose. While he did that, she stood, shoved down her leggings and stepped out of them, and climbed back into his lap.

  “Mal—”

  “Shh.” She kissed him. She kissed him in a desperate, needy way he hadn’t felt in too damn long.

  In the way she used to kiss him.

  When he tried to draw back, to talk, she fisted his hair and held him in place, squirming in his lap as she kissed him.

  Well, of course his body responded. He hadn’t exactly felt like rubbing one out lately.

  Come to think of it, he actually couldn’t remember the last time he’d had an orgasm.

  Shit.

  Still, she kissed him, her grip on his hair—ow—surprisingly strong.

  Apparently, pulling away wasn’t going to be an option. Not without risking hurting her.

  Wait…

  He gave up and kissed her back, enjoying the way she nipped at his lips, the way she ground against him.

  He kissed her and let his mind go blank. And when her grip on his hair eased and he naturally took over, he shoved it out of his mind that he was worried about her.

  Because this felt like her.

  Like them.

  Reaching up, he fisted her hair, like he used to. Her sweet, sexy moan in reply drilled straight through his soul and into his cock.

  Especially when she started grinding against him, rocking along his cock, which now had the front of his shorts tented.

  Protesting briefly crossed his mind, asking for a slow-down, or a moment to talk. But then without interrupting their kiss she reached between them with one hand, fumbled his shorts open, and fished out his cock.

  And impaled herself on it.

  He didn’t know which of them moaned louder as he sank balls-deep inside her sweet, slick pussy.

  Ohhhh…damn.

  “Yes!” she whispered.

  With the hold in her hair he tipped her head back and grazed her throat with his teeth as she tried to rock on his cock.

  More tears flowed, and he didn’t know if it was grief or relief or just some weird mental breakdown he was having.

  Nothing made sense in his brain right now.

  Nothing.

  He’d never been a man who followed his cock. Ever. But right now, as his other arm encircled her waist and he ground up into her, following his cock felt like the perfect idea.

  He lifted his head from her throat to look into her sweet blue eyes. Every night away from her had sucked and reminded him how fragile life was.

  Every night he’d sucked it up and reminded himself being apart was maybe going to save her life, even if it gutted him from the inside out.

  She was the center of his world, the light in his soul, and whatever he had to do to save her, he’d do it.

  He ground up into her again, hard, deep, and watched the way her lower lip caught under her teeth the way it always had.

  She grabbed his head and pulled his mouth back to her throat, tipping her head to the side. “Please mark me, Sir.”

  Deep
within his soul his tattered shadows stirred, crying out for her.

  Needing her.

  He nuzzled the left side of her throat, her flesh warm and soft under his lips. She was wearing his shirts and, yeah, he loved seeing her doing that.

  Holding her head in place, he gently bit down.

  Her nails dug into the back of his neck. “Yes, please!” she gasped.

  Okay, then.

  He wasn’t strong enough to deny her. A soft growl escaped him as he struggled not to bite too hard, too deep. Except she squirmed against him, rocking on his cock.

  He pulled his arm from around her waist and worked it between them so he could use his thumb to play with her clit. All while he still…okay, it was more like an actual bite now.

  Memories and emotions rolled through him, making him cry even harder. Her fingers raked through his hair, across his scalp, her moans mixing with his as she rode him.

  That’s when he wrapped his lips around her flesh, where it was clamped between his teeth, and sucked hard.

  A shudder wracked her body as her low, familiar moan started deep within her. He released his bite and pulled her lips onto his for a kiss, needing her, needing to feel and taste her, hope sweeping through him, swelling within him.

  Both their cheeks wet with tears, they kissed as Kel finally started to feel like maybe all wasn’t lost. Mal’s lips explored his as he played with her clit and savored the feel of her pussy enveloping his cock.

  This felt like a sweet, perfect heaven after their prolonged sojourn through hell.

  She pressed her forehead against his and a cry escaped her, a gorgeous sound that made his breath catch. Especially when he felt waves of pleasure sweep through her pussy during her climax, massaging his cock and nearly driving him over the edge.

  She rode him, and part of him wanted to pause this moment forever, hold on to it, keep it tucked safe within his soul. An alleviation of his pain, for once.

  Now she cradled his head in her hands. “Come for me, Sir. Please?”

  A gasp escaped him and he exploded, her lips slanting over his while Mal swallowed his groans, until they both fell still and he realized he was now tightly holding her pressed against him. It took every ounce of will he had not to release her.

  “I love you, Sir,” she whispered.

  “I love you, too, baby.”

  She nuzzled his forehead. “How about you take a shower with me, and then I’ll cook us breakfast, Sir?”

  His eyes fell closed as he deeply inhaled her scent. “Sure. Thank you.”

  Chapter Twelve

  The last time they’d slept under the same roof, the night of the Halloween party, she’d tried to coax him into taking a shower with her and he’d resisted her.

  Not because he didn’t want to shower with her. Before, it’d been a cherished daily ritual between them and had ended in shower sex more times than he could count.

  But that weekend, he’d refused because he didn’t know then if he’d be able to control himself—his tears—over being able to visually trace nearly every bone in her body.

  But she was no longer that woman, either. If he was truly honest with himself, that weekend she’d been far from her worst, but he still overlaid an image from his haunted memory onto her body every time. The image from the day when he realized that he was dangerously close to losing her. The first time he realized how truly insidious and cunning her anorexia was, how many unconscious skills she’d developed to conceal its progress from him.

  When her doctors had pulled him aside and asked if she had a DNR, or a living will, because he should make sure all that was in place.

  Kel took a deep breath and shoved all those memories away, tried to be here and now, with her.

  With who she was now.

  Mal held his hand as he followed her out of the nursery. She left the door standing open behind them as she led him down the hall into their bedroom, to their bathroom.

  There, she pulled him in for another kiss, shoving his shorts down and off his hips so he could step out of them. He grabbed the hem of her T-shirt and lifted it and the over-shirt in one smooth move, interrupted only by him pausing their kiss so he could get them off over her head and drop them to the floor. His T-shirt followed and she was once again in his arms and kissing him.

  Warm and willing, she ground against him, his cock impossibly hard again already and her fingers digging into his ass cheeks as she kissed him. She still looked too thin to him, but there was a softness now around her ribs and shoulders that had been missing weeks ago.

  An improvement.

  He tried to focus on those things now as he gathered her into his arms and nuzzled the right side of her neck, working his way down, loving the sweet, needy noises she made for him. Familiar noises he hadn’t heard in a forever.

  Sounds he’d missed to the very depths of his soul.

  When he arrived at the juncture of neck and shoulder, he teased her by grazing her flesh with his teeth, loving how she responded, holding her tighter as she tried to wriggle into a position to capture his cock between her thighs once more. He nipped his way up and down her shoulder while her nipples pebbled as she rubbed them against his chest.

  “Please!” she softly begged.

  He closed his eyes and bit her, savoring the feel of her nails digging into his flesh. He nibbled and sucked up and down her shoulder, wanted to bite his way all the way down her body. With her breasts right there he cupped them, sucked on her nipples, back and forth. Her hands gripped his head and he felt a roar filling his mind, driving out all other thoughts except one—

  Her.

  His sweet, beautiful goddess.

  He dropped to his knees before her, kissing his way down her tummy, gentle kisses over her navel and tracing the scar from her C-section with melancholy reverence. That’s when he finally processed she was still shaving down there.

  That was how long it’d been since he really…

  He closed his eyes and pressed his face against her tummy, arms wrapped around her as he found himself crying again.

  Something had opened within him, a silent wound bursting with pus and finally able to drain.

  Nightmares finally turned out into the bowels of his brain instead of infesting the space directly behind his eyes and always on his mind.

  Sweet, gentle hope wanting to make its way back into his heart.

  He kissed lower, nudging her legs apart and cupping her ass with his hands to hold her pussy right there for him. Their juices already coated the insides of her thighs and he tasted them mixed together when he dipped his tongue along the cleft hiding her clit from him.

  But he knew where it was. How many countless hours had he spent on his knees or between her thighs and forcing her to bliss with his mouth?

  Because he enjoyed making her moan.

  He still wept as his tongue made tiny circles around the bud, coaxed it from hiding, latched on with his lips and teased her into those long-absent sounds that made his cock flex and ache and want to be buried inside her again.

  Kneading her ass, he settled in and treasured the feel of her hands coming to rest on his shoulders, bracing herself on him. It’d been so damned long.

  The shower could wait.

  This couldn’t.

  * * * *

  Mallory’s eyes dropped closed as Kel pressed his face against her pussy. He wouldn’t stop until he was ready, meaning they’d be there for…

  A while.

  She hoped.

  He was still crying, but his cock was hard and bouncing off her legs as he ate her out, so she knew this was good.

  They both needed this.

  She’d shut down and shut him out in so many ways early on, and he’d always been so sweet, so gentle with her. She hadn’t known how to just ask for the shadows back. Instead of impatience or anger, he’d always tucked her close to him and gone to sleep with her nestled against him. He’d started wearing boxers to bed to help hide when his cock didn’t want to go alon
g with that program, but he’d never so much as asked her for sex even when she knew he wanted it.

  He just…waited.

  And he would’ve waited forever rather than cheat on her or hurt her.

  But she needed to be hurt now. She missed his marks in her flesh, missed the fist in her hair holding her in place as he fucked her mouth or fucked her ass. She wanted to be his canvas again, wanted to play with him, wanted to run her hands over the ligature marks following a rope scene, needed the sting of a paddle or cane across her flesh.

  Mal dragged her nails along his scalp and was rewarded with a deep, sexy growl that vibrated through her clit and deep into her hungry cunt. Desire flared to life within her, a pyroclastic flow raging, demanding sacrifice.

  She rocked her hips against his mouth and gave in completely. Kel’s tongue snaked inside her pussy before swiping along her clit again, over and over. It didn’t take long for him to make her come the first time, and from there she had to hold on for the ride.

  Maybe she wasn’t collared to him right now, but there was no doubt that he still owned her, and her body gladly surrendered to her rightful Master. At least some things remained pure and good in her life, even if it took them a while to get back there.

  The first orgasm really didn’t have time to fade away before the second slammed into her, and the next…and again.

  They’d never had trouble together in bed. He’d made her feel things she thought were only possible between the covers of a romance book, took her to heights she’d never dreamed possible.

  He’d branded her heart with his love and she knew no other man could fill her soul and quench her need the way he did.

  She lost count of how many times she came, but by the time he finally sat back her knees trembled and she wasn’t sure she’d remain upright.

  But he caught her, scooped her up and carried her into the shower, all while those sweet, dark brown eyes of his burned through her, promising more.

  Promising it all.

  He turned on the water and then turned to her, and she found herself pressed against the cool tile, lifted, impaled on his cock.

  She draped her arms over his shoulders as he hooked her legs around his waist and started fucking her. Her juices mixed with his coated his face, and she realized he hadn’t shaved yet this morning. Scratchy stubble, coarse against her cheeks and lips, and yet she reveled in the sensation.