Searching for a Heart Read online

  He didn’t let go of her hand after closing her door. He held hands with her all the way inside, even though Fen and Joel stood outside and waited for them.

  She hadn’t missed that Joel had grabbed Fen when they’d first parked and he’d tried to get out and walk over to Milo’s car.

  But she’d been too focused on her conversation with Milo to wave him off.

  This was happening at a spooky-fast rate, but even though she’d wanted to tell Fen he was an idiot for falling for Joel so fast…yeah. She got it.

  There was a security blanket there, knowing other people had already checked this person out and green-lit them meeting.

  It was a very heady feeling indeed.

  Inside, Milo held her chair for her and helped her scoot it in before sitting on her left. She also didn’t miss that, when they went to order, he told the waitress that her dinner was on his check.

  “Thank you,” she said. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

  He shrugged. “Thank you for trusting me and being honest with me today. I know my situation doesn’t come close to yours, but I never had this kind of honesty with her in seven years with her.”

  “Wow.”

  “That pretty much sums it up, yeah.”

  “So what are you doing tomorrow?” she asked.

  He shrugged. “Trying to decide what to paint my dang living room. Maybe going out furniture shopping. I’d invite you over to hang out, but I don’t even have a couch. I haven’t had much luck finding what I want.”

  “Hmm.”

  “What?”

  She smiled. “I’m really good at decorating. Especially on a budget. And I have a couple of things I could loan you that I’m not using right now. They’re just sitting in Fen’s garage. Like a couch, and a comfortable chair, and a small dinette set.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. Come over and have brunch with us tomorrow and look at it. No pressure. If you like it, we can rent a truck and move it over. And I can help you pick paint.”

  On his far side, Fen was grinning, nodding, and giving her a thumbs-up.

  “You might regret offering to help me pick paint,” Milo said. “I’m proving very indecisive right now.”

  “Then how about you buy me dinner tomorrow night? Or we can order pizza and keep painting.”

  “You’re going to help me paint?”

  “Absolutely.”

  He chuckled. “Now I know you’re a masochist.”

  * * * *

  As dinner went on, something big hit Milo squarely between the eyes.

  I haven’t had this much fun in years.

  And it felt right.

  Felt right in a way being with Linda had never felt.

  Ever.

  He wasn’t much of a believer in love at first sight, but he also wasn’t a dumbass who would deny there was something special about Mads. The way she made him laugh. The way she seemed genuinely interested in what he had to say. The way she spoke her mind and made him think.

  Honestly, he would have sat there all night and just talked to her if it wasn’t for the fact that everyone started asking for their checks and he realized what time it was. Nearly two hours had passed in a flash.

  And he couldn’t tell anyone what everyone else had been talking about. He’d been focused only on her.

  They held hands on the way out to the car, and once they were inside, he sat there for a moment. “Okay, so listen. I’m not going to be an idiot. As we spend more time together, if you decide you want to have sex with me, I’m going to let you set that timetable, okay?”

  “There’s only one condition that would happen under,” she said.

  “Okay.”

  “We need to be exclusive. Either until we do that, or decide no, we’re not going to take this to that level.”

  “Agreed. As long as we don’t take, like, five years to get there.”

  She laughed. “Oh, nooo.”

  “What?”

  She turned in her seat and rested her hand on his thigh. “I will know a lot sooner than that.”

  He rested his hand over hers. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.” She crooked a finger at him to lean in, and when he did, she brushed a kiss across his lips, so fast he almost couldn’t process it.

  His gaze held hers and he noted the way her blue eyes now looked darker in the waning light, the green more noticeable.

  “Baby,” he softly said, “I promise I’ll take good care of you.”

  Her lower lip caught under her teeth again as she stared up into his eyes. “Please don’t make me promises you don’t intend to keep.”

  “I intend on showing you I mean to keep that promise.”

  Back at the club, they were able to bypass the line to get inside because of their wristbands. Fen and Joel had hung back at the restaurant, waiting on them to leave to follow them in their car.

  Milo didn’t mind in the least. Especially now that he knew about Maddison’s past. It was definitely something they’d need to talk about more in-depth and alone, but he knew he’d tread carefully.

  He wouldn’t make her any promises he didn’t think he could keep.

  He would take his time and cherish their time together.

  If nothing else, even if this didn’t work out for them, it showed him the truth he’d struggled to accept—there was life after Linda. There were other women out there who would see him as attractive.

  The problem with Linda hadn’t been him, as she’d tried to claim.

  Because even in the beginning, he’d struggled and chased her and never felt a fraction of the attraction from or to her as he felt to Maddison.

  At some point as they stood talking with Joel and Fen and others, he’d gone from holding hands with her to standing with his arm draped around her shoulders and her tucked comfortably against his side.

  Like she was meant to be there all along.

  He wasn’t even sure when it’d happened, or when she’d slipped her arm around his waist.

  “You know,” he said, “I could drive you home tonight and take a look at the furniture then. That way, I’d know where I’m going tomorrow, and I could borrow a pick-up from my brother to get everything.”

  She stared up at him, then jumped when Fen goosed her ass.

  “Say yes!” he hissed at her, flashing a smile at Milo and making him laugh.

  She blushed, but focused on Milo again. “Okay, yes. Thank you.”

  * * * *

  They’d been there for at least an hour and he hadn’t made any move to play with her yet.

  She wanted her spanking, dammit.

  That wasn’t a bratty thing, it was a needy thing, now.

  Her brain craved the thought of sinking into subspace and curling up in Milo’s arms for aftercare.

  She managed to edge them away from the conversation and over to the other side of the space, where only a couple of people were playing. “I’d really like that spanking, if you feel up to it.”

  He nodded, and now she detected a hint of nervous energy about him.

  “After we’re done, I’d like aftercare with you, please.”

  “Cuddling?”

  “Cuddling. In fact…” She turned and looked. “We could do the spanking and the aftercare in the same place. There are plenty of open couches.”

  “I’ve never negotiated a scene before.”

  She stepped closer. “Bare-handed spanking over my panties. As hard and long as you’d like, and I’ll give you a yellow or red if it gets to be too much.”

  “And then…cuddling?” he asked.

  “And then cuddling.”

  “That sounds too easy.”

  “We’ll start slow.” She draped her arms around his neck. “I have a couple of paddles and other toys I really enjoy, but I didn’t bring those with me tonight. I can work you up to using those on me, if you’d like.”

  “I’m not sure I’m ever going to be a sadist.”

  “I don’t need a heavy sadist. I just need a
guy who’s not afraid to take control, but not in an assholish way.”

  “I’ll do my best.”

  “I’ll be right back. I need to use the restroom and tell Fen not to come charging into my scene.”

  “You think he’d do that? Wait, what am I saying, of course he would.”

  “I have bestie baggage,” she joked before heading off. She told Fen what was going on and quickly used the restroom, grabbed herself a bottle of water, and chose a fleece throw from the shelf of them available for use free.

  When she’d returned to Milo, he’d picked a sofa and sat waiting for her.

  Slowing up, she took her time, rolling her hips as she walked and noting with satisfaction how he sat up a little straighter at her approach, hunger appearing in his gaze.

  Thaaaat…

  If she could keep him looking like that at her, she’d be a very happy girl.

  She was under no illusions, though. He could be fine now, and the reality later send him running for the hills. This was no guaranteed happy ending for her.

  But it was a promising start, so she’d settle for that, for now.

  She laid the blanket next to him on the sofa. “Lefty, or righty?”

  “Huh?”

  He was an adorable baby Dom. “Left- or right-handed?”

  “Oh. Right.”

  She noted with more than a little satisfaction how his eyes widened when she grabbed the hem of her sundress and peeled it up and off, neatly folding it and setting it on the back of the sofa. No, she wasn’t wearing a bra. She knew how to play dirty.

  She knelt next to him on the couch, keeping the shoes on.

  Yeah, that was also mean of her, playing dirty like that, but what straight guy didn’t like seeing heels on a nearly naked woman stretched out over their lap?

  She made sure to wiggle plenty while getting into position and felt how hard he was through his slacks.

  When he seemed afraid to touch her, she reached up behind her, found his left hand, and pulled it down over the back of her neck. “You can hold me down. If you do it right, I’m going to squirm at least a little bit. That’s part of the fun, for me.”

  His right hand caressed her ass cheeks, and she sighed in contentment. “That’s it, Sir,” she said without thinking it through.

  Fuck it, it felt right.

  * * * *

  Terror filled Milo. Now knowing what she’d been through, he didn’t want to…harm her.

  But there she was, wiggling that gorgeous ass at him—after showing him her beautiful, perky breasts, holy crap, he could cut diamonds with his cock right now—and wanting him to spank her.

  He stroked her ass for a minute, thinking about the spanking scenes he’d watched in previous weeks, and squeezed her right ass cheek, then the left. She let out a happy moan and wiggled against him again. At this rate, he’d be creaming his briefs.

  Finally, he forced himself to lift his hand and bring it down on her right ass cheek.

  “Mmmm. Harder, Sir.”

  Fuck!

  Okay, that was making his cock throb, too, her calling him that. He shelved it in the “to think about later” section of his brain and spanked her again.

  And again.

  Once she got him into the zone, she did squirm, wiggle, moan, and arch her back to stick her ass out for more. By the time his hand stung to the point he needed to stop, a glance at the clock on the wall showed they’d been at it for nearly forty-five minutes.

  He turned her over on his lap and curled her into his arms, draping the fleece throw over her. Unable to help himself, he nuzzled his face in her silky hair, inhaling, smelling strawberries and peaches.

  His new favorite scent.

  “Baby, I’ve got you,” he whispered, loving the way she snuggled even tighter against him, pulling his arms around her.

  Then she looked up into his eyes and tipped her face back, kissing him. This wasn’t the quick brush of before. This was a full-on, please-fuck-me kiss.

  She reached up, wonder filling her gaze, her fingertips stroking his jaw, his chin, over his lips. He flicked out his tongue and caught one finger, gently sucking on it.

  She was beautiful and sweet and smart…

  And she apparently liked him.

  He wanted to kiss her again but was afraid it might quickly devolve into breaking a club rule about no sex.

  Instead, he nuzzled his forehead against hers and breathed in her scent while wishing this night would never end.

  All the while, he prayed he hadn’t just gotten his heart broken again.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Mads was flying. Wasn’t the best or even hardest spanking she’d ever received, but emotionally it was the most satisfying scene she’d ever had.

  If she was stupid to trust Milo, then she was the last stupid person in a long line of stupid people who’d known Milo for years, in some cases longer than she’d even been alive.

  She didn’t want to get up, didn’t want to move.

  Didn’t want to be anywhere but there in his arms.

  Baby, I’ve got you.

  His soft, gentle voice echoed through her soul. She hadn’t realized how literally she’d needed to hear those words from someone until he spoke them to her.

  His soul speaking to hers.

  When she finally came back to herself, she realized she was staring up into his eyes and he watched her like he could sit there all night and do it.

  “Feel like taking me home now?” It was the way his brow furrowed that told her he’d misinterpreted why. “I mean, to give us time alone. I want to be alone with you.”

  He looked like he wanted to kiss her, so she closed the distance and did. Hunger purred just behind his lips, unseen but there, tasting, ready to pounce on her.

  She draped her arms around him. “They have a pool. Do you like skinny-dipping?”

  He smiled. “I could be persuaded.”

  He helped her pull her sundress on and kept an arm around her for the walk back to the other side.

  Fen had been watching and waiting, because he sat up where he’d been seated at one of the tables in the social area and tapped Joel on the shoulder.

  She led Milo over. “We’re going to head out early,” she said. “You two…keep it late, please? And maybe don’t come out onto the lanai when you get home. Going to enjoy the pool.”

  “Ah.” Fen stood and hugged her, then offered Milo a hug.

  She was grateful to see Milo didn’t appear to be reluctant to hug him.

  But Fen did wag a finger at Milo. “I wield a mean skillet. Just keep that in mind.”

  Milo nodded. “I will.”

  Eliza walked over. “Annnnd?”

  She hugged her, too. “I’m going to steal Milo away early from you all tonight.”

  “Excellent. Good luck, you two.” Eliza hugged Milo, too, and whispered something to him Mads couldn’t hear.

  After a round of hugs and good-byes with the others, Milo took her hand and led her out to his car.

  He was a gentleman and a little bit naughty. It was a combination that worked well for him.

  And he was so fucking tall!

  She loved that.

  After giving him directions, she settled into the seat and rested her hand on his thigh, wondering if he’d let her get playful with him.

  “You did say I could set the pace, right?”

  “I did.”

  “I don’t suppose you have a recent test, do you?”

  “At home. Six months ago was my last one. I had several rounds done after I found out she’d been cheating on me.”

  “Okay.” That was good.

  Not the cheating, the test results.

  “I have condoms,” she said.

  “Okay.”

  “Thoughts?”

  “That this is moving fast, and I am horny as hell and not thinking straight right now, and don’t want to tell you no.”

  “Then don’t tell me no. We’re adults. I don’t need you being a guardian o
f my virtue.” She eased her fingers toward his inseam.

  “To be clear…”

  When he didn’t finish that, she finally let him off the hook. “I’m saying I want to at least play around tonight. Maybe not full-on intercourse, but I think a round of mutual orgasms is in order for having a very fun afternoon and scene.”

  He nodded. “Okay, then.” At the next stoplight, he reached down and pulled her hand onto his crotch, where his thick cock lay pressing against the zipper. “Just wanted to make sure.”

  Thank you gay baby Jesus! The man was definitely hung.

  They arrived at Fen and Joel’s without her making him wreck the car from how she was distracting him. After disarming the alarm, she led him inside.

  “Oh! Hold on, let’s handle this first.” She led him by the hand to the garage and flipped the light on. “Voila.”

  The furniture lay under plastic drop cloths to protect everything from dust. Her sectional sofa was comfy and versatile, one of the reasons she’d loved it so much. She could rearrange it as needed to fit a room.

  His eyes widened. “Oh, wow! That’s perfect. I might ask to buy it from you.”

  “Nope.” She draped her arms around his neck. “But I might be talked into taking it in trade.” She wiggled her hips against him, making him laugh.

  “I’ve never fucked for furniture before, but I think I could be persuaded.” She loved the way his hands cupped her ass perfectly.

  After turning off the lights, she led him out through the pool bath to the lanai. “Let me grab us towels and supplies.”

  “Okay.”

  * * * *

  He kicked off his shoes and yanked off his socks while waiting for her to return.

  Holy shit!

  Milo was beyond questioning this, beyond doubting, beyond slowing his roll and cooling things off.

  He’d told her she could have control of this timetable, and like hell would he deny her if she wanted it.

  When she returned with the towels, he saw she’d pulled her hair up into a messy bun on the top of her head, and she looked a little shy now. When she set everything down on the pool deck, near the steps, he understood why. She’d included lube and a couple of condom pouches, and a…toy?