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  “Thanks.” He forced a tired smile. “I’m going to start the coffee. Can I pour you a cup?”

  “Thank you, yes, please. Martina should be here soon to relieve me. They’re working on adding a couple more nurses to the lineup so we can have shorter shifts and go to three a day, but I don’t mind the overtime right now.”

  He got the coffeemaker set up and started and stared out the kitchen window at the side yard. He hadn’t filled the bird feeder in weeks, and it sat there, a few straggly sprouts struggling for life in it.

  Heading for the garage, he scooped a coffee can full of seed from the garbage can they stored it in and then walked out to fill it. The birdbath was empty, too. Making sure not to get his suit dirty, he grabbed the hose and filled the stone bath, feeling guilty that he hadn’t thought of this sooner.

  Something else Tam had loved.

  In the mornings, she’d fill the feeder and the bird bath and stand at the kitchen sink to watch them while she waited for the coffee to brew and ate her own breakfast.

  Dammit, girl, you don’t know how badly I miss you.

  Chapter Fourteen

  With Dex still sleeping in his bed, Neil reluctantly left for work, hoping he hadn’t irretrievably screwed up his friendship with the man. Belatedly, he realized he didn’t just love Dex as a friend, but that he’d been in love with him for a while. Since well before the accident.

  Denying it any longer was a waste of brainpower.

  What other logical explanation was there for him self-sabotaging any serious romantic relationships he might have had over the past couple of years since Dex had entered the picture?

  Sure, he had Tamsin for play, and occasionally found a subby guy up at the Toucan, and there was always his own right hand…

  And nearly every time he masturbated, Dex had played a starring role in Neil’s fantasies.

  Fuck.

  Part of him wanted to text Dex and find out if he was okay, if they were okay, or if he’d totally borked things. He spent a miserable morning trying to focus on work and couldn’t. Finally, a little before noon, he gave word that he was leaving for the rest of the day to handle an urgent issue at home.

  It wasn’t his fault he didn’t specify the issue was with Dex, and everyone assumed he meant Tamsin.

  On the way, he stopped and picked up sandwiches from the little deli the three of them loved, getting Dex’s favorite and hoping he would accept the peace offering.

  Praying Dex didn’t now hate him in the harsh light of day.

  When he walked in, Martina, the day nurse, looked up from where she sat next to Tamsin and was reading her Kindle. “Hi, Neil. Wasn’t expecting you home.”

  He held up the bag with their food. “Lunch.” He didn’t want to talk to her.

  He wanted to talk to Dex.

  The man himself appeared in the kitchen doorway, a scowl darkening his features. “What are you doing home?”

  Neil walked past him, into the kitchen, and set the bag on the counter. Dex followed, and once Neil knew they were out of sight of the living room, he grabbed Dex and pulled him in for a hug.

  “Please tell me we’re okay?” Neil whispered.

  Dex’s embrace, which had felt tentative at first, tightened around Neil, one hand settling at the nape of Neil’s neck, the other on his ass.

  “We’re good, buddy. We’re real good.”

  Relief so strong it nearly made Neil cry washed through him. “I don’t want to lose you.”

  “I don’t want to lose you, either.” Dex tipped his head back so he could look Neil in the eyes. After a long moment, he spoke in a whisper. “Tam always joked she’d love to watch if we ever got together. And since you’re my hall-pass fuck, I’m not exactly feeling guilty.” He pulled Neil in for a kiss, no desperate notes to this one, no hesitation, nothing but certainty.

  Once he broke the kiss, Neil grabbed the bag with the sandwiches, and with the other hand laced fingers with Dex, leading him through the kitchen and down the hall to his bedroom. Locking them in, he didn’t resist when Dex took the bag from him, set it on the bedside table, and then gently pushed Neil in the chest, sending him backward onto the bed.

  Dex wore that sexy smile Neil loved, the one that Dex had given Tam plenty of times in the past, while leaving Neil adjusting his own crotch at the same time.

  Dex climbed onto him, straddling him, lacing fingers with him and pinning his hands over his head against the mattress.

  “I deserved last night. Every bit of it. But we’re going to have to figure out how to be two Doms in a relationship together without killing each other. Because you were right last night. I’m not going to leave Tamsin, and I’m not going to leave you. I know you love her.” He leaned in for another kiss.

  Neil wasn’t sure he’d heard him right. “Relationship?”

  Dex’s smirk widened. “Uh, yeah. I’m not some cheap one-night stand, you know.”

  Neil finally managed a laugh. “I was worried sick this morning that you’d hate me for last night.” Neil ground his hips up and against Dex’s ass. Dex’s hard cock tented the front of his shorts, unmistakable.

  Dex squeezed Neil’s hands again, his smirk fading and sincerity filling his tone. “How could I ever hate you? You have proven to me that if I can’t trust you, then there’s not a damn person on the face of this earth who I can trust. You saw me at my lowest and you hung in there. You’ve gone above and beyond what anyone would expect of a friend.”

  He paused, sounding choked up when he next spoke. “You haven’t given up on Tam. And you didn’t give up on me.”

  “Marry me,” Neil said, the thought, so crazy and right all at the same time, slamming into his brain.

  “What?”

  “Marry me. I’m serious. I have custody of her. I’m sure Ed could get us a court order giving us joint custody of her if we were married. What if something happens to me? I don’t have any family and neither does she. You and Tam are my family. My biggest fear isn’t losing her. My biggest fear is something happening to me and the state takes custody of her and shoves her in some fucking overcrowded psych ward somewhere and waits for her to die a horrible, lonely death. Marry me so we can protect her. If something happens to me, you get everything and can keep caring for her.”

  Neil struggled not to hold his breath as he watched Dex consider it. “You’re serious?”

  “Dead serious. Please?”

  Dexter released his hands and rolled off him to lie beside him, on his side. Neil rolled to face him but didn’t interrupt his thoughts.

  “How would that work, exactly?” Dex eventually asked.

  “Like any other marriage. A few years ago, it wouldn’t have been an option. Now, it is.”

  “Well, it’s not the worst idea.” Dex’s smile returned, nearly sending Neil’s hard cock into aching, throbbing spasms. “You don’t think we’ll kill each other, though?”

  “Three days a week each in charge, and we alternate weeks on the fourth day?” Neil teased. “Odd and even days? I’m open to suggestions. I want to make this work. I mean it.”

  “We’ll figure something out.” Dex propped himself on his elbow. “Just the two of us, though, right?” he quietly asked. “I don’t want to be unfair to you, but if we’re going to do this, we’re going to do it. I’m not interested in any other women, and despite the tragic irony of this whole situation, I’m still not a sharer.”

  “Just you,” Neil swore.

  “I’m…I don’t know how in the mood I’ll always be. Normally, a guy wouldn’t do it for me. I was a little drunk last night. Not saying I regret it,” he quickly added, “because I don’t.” He licked his lips and pointed at his own crotch. “As you can see now, I’m not exactly opposed to a repeat without the belt foreplay.”

  “Look, you be you, and I’ll be me, and we’ll figure out where we meet in the middle.”

  “For Tamsin.”

  “Exactly,” Neil said. “For Tamsin.”

  * * * *


  Last night—other than him being an utter ass—had been…good, considering the circumstances. In the clear light of day, Dexter knew Neil hurt as much as he did.

  Hurting together wasn’t a fraction as lonely and horrible as hurting alone. They understood what the other felt. They shared their grief.

  They shared an intense love for the same woman, even if that love took two drastically different forms.

  “I don’t want you to think I’m just using you for sex,” Dex finally admitted. “I might not feel comfortable…reciprocating in some ways. At least, not yet.”

  “Honestly? Even if all we do is share a bed and masturbate next to each other, I’d be happy. This whole situation sucks and it hurts and I hate that her plans and yours got ripped away from you. But I’m not going to apologize for trying to make the best out of this. You’re my friend first. I’ll never find another guy who will understand why I put Tamsin before them in every way. So why would I even want to try? Why would I take time away from her to get my heart stomped on time and again?”

  “Shit, dude. Are you trying to make me cry?”

  “I’ve spent plenty of nights in here alone and crying since this happened.”

  Dex reached out and cupped Neil’s cheek. It felt right when Neil laid his hand over Dex’s. “You still gonna call me Princess?”

  Neil smiled. “Why, you want me to stop?”

  He stared into Neil’s blue gaze. “No,” he quietly said. “Just please don’t do it in front of our friends. That was between you and me and Tamsin. That’s our thing. I want that to be our special thing.”

  “Fuck.” Neil blinked back tears. “Now you’re making me cry. Goddamned sadist.”

  Dex leaned in and kissed him on the lips, then both eyelids, kissing his tears away. “She always called you her prince.”

  “That never bothered you?”

  “No. Because I knew how much you love her. That’s why I was never jealous of you, even when she asked if you could still do orgasm play with her when you scened. You wanted the best guy for her, and you were the best friend for her. Still are.” Dex nuzzled his nose against Neil’s. “Maybe you can be my prince, too, huh? Just between us?”

  Neil hooked a leg around his. “Sure.” He sniffled. “I’d give anything for her to wake up. I’d lay down and take her place in that bed and give up my life for her without a second thought if I could make it happen.”

  “Me first.” He hugged Neil tightly against him. “Are you going back to work this afternoon?”

  “No.”

  “Then let’s go to the courthouse today and get the license. I’ll ask Loren and Ed to come over and perform the ceremony for us this weekend.”

  “Did you want your parents to be here for it?”

  Dexter shoved back a wave of dark, mixed emotions he didn’t want to deal with right then. “No. Because I already know what they’re going to say, especially my mom. They’re going to think it’s a horrible idea, and tell me I should face reality and think about my future. That there could be another great woman out there for me. Fuck ’em.”

  “They’re the only family you’ve got.”

  “Wrong. I have you and Tam. You’re the only family I need. You and her. And our friends. All of them. Everyone we’re close to in the Suncoast Society.”

  “Let’s ask them to come,” Neil said. “I don’t mean everyone, I mean June and Scrye. Leah and Seth. Cris, Landry, and Bob. And Wade and Cherise, of course. Those people. The ones who were all there for us in the hospital.”

  “A lot of people were.”

  “But they were there the most. I know they had you doped up on some really good pain meds at first, and it probably all blended together. We can have a public thing for the gang later. Let’s have them here, though. Tam wanted them at your wedding.”

  Neil’s voice grew choked. “God, I regret every time I tuned her out when she’d start talking wedding plans. I’d sit there and nod my head and pretend to be listening when I wasn’t paying a damn bit of attention.”

  “So did I.” Dex chuckled. “Look at that. Something else we have in common.” He reached down and palmed the front of Neil’s slacks. “Mutual masturbation, huh? I think we can do more than that.” He desperately needed to pull the tone of this conversation out of the basement for both their sakes.

  “I don’t mind being the little spoon today,” Neil softly said. “It’s only fair.”

  Dex loved Neil’s blue eyes. So open and expressive. They went well with his light brown hair.

  Leaning in, Dex kissed him before reaching over and grabbing his tie, taking several turns of it around his fist. “Then we need to get you out of those damn clothes, buddy. I can’t fuck you all dressed like that.”

  He sat up, forcing Neil up with him with the tie. Refusing to relinquish it, he stood, bringing Neil along. Both of them standing, Dex held Neil in place with it while Neil stripped. When Neil got to his shirt, Dex reached in with his free hand and unfastened his collar buttons so he could slip the tie up around Neil’s throat.

  He returned Neil’s smile, and once the man stood fully naked in front of him, Dex reached down with his free hand and wrapped his fingers around Neil’s stiff cock. “I wasn’t too drunk to remember how good that ass felt last night,” Dex said.

  Neil’s left eyebrow arched. “How you supposed to fuck me with all those clothes on?”

  “Get busy if you want me naked.”

  Dex pulled him in for a kiss while Neil’s hands fumbled at the front of Dex’s shorts. “I feel like a damn kid again,” Neil said. “My hands are shaking.”

  “Why?”

  “Why? Because I’m nervous, that’s why.”

  Dex made him stop, had Neil look him in the eyes. “Why are you nervous?”

  “Because I don’t want to fuck up. Fuck this up. Fuck us up.”

  Dex kissed him again. “I’m not going anywhere, buddy. I’m here. For life.” He slowly stroked Neil’s cock. “I think I have a lot to learn. Hopefully you’ll be patient with me.”

  Once they were both naked and stretched out in bed, Dex rolled on top of Neil. Both their cocks were hard and while it was an odd sensation to feel the other man’s cock brushing against his own, Dex knew he’d quickly grow used to it.

  “You want hard and fast, or slow and sexy?” Dex asked.

  Neil’s hands settled on Dex’s ass, squeezing. “I want whatever you want to give me.”

  “Hold that thought.” Dex got up, grabbed a towel and lube, and returned to bed. Fully awake and aware, and not at all drunk, he was able to take his time and savor this.

  Neil’s expression grew soft, fuzzy as Dex started lubing his ass, exploring, teasing with his finger, finding the sweet spot and watching Neil’s stiff cock twitch in response.

  Meeting and holding Neil’s gaze, Dex knew he had a lot to learn and desperately wanted to do right by this man.

  Neil held the back of his knees, his legs spread wide, giving Dex perfect access. When Dex added a second finger, Neil nodded, whispering, “Yeah, fuck yeah.”

  Emboldened, Dex played with him, varying his thrusts, rotating his fingers, long-stroking him followed by short, jabby ones that made Neil moan.

  “Please fuck me!”

  Dex wiped his hand off, lubed his cock, and knelt between Neil’s legs. “What was that?” he playfully asked.

  The full force of Neil’s gaze nailed him right in the feels. “Stuff that gorgeous cock in my ass before I tie you up and ride you like a goddamned pony.”

  Dex sank his full length into Neil and planted his hands on either side of Neil’s head. He had to hold his position for a moment, almost busting his nut right then.

  Neil started rocking under him. “Don’t make me fuck myself.”

  “Hold still, dammit.” He kissed Neil, hoping that would distract him enough to wait. Between them, Dex felt Neil’s stiff cock rubbing against his abs, already leaking pre-cum.

  After regaining control, Dex started a slow, teasing
grind that rubbed Neil’s cock between them with every thrust. If he could make Neil blow like this, he’d consider it not just a win but a gold-medal-worthy success. When Neil started to reach between them, Dex stopped moving.

  “Get that hand out of there.”

  “But I’m horny!”

  “I don’t care. I’m in charge right now. Hold on to my ass if you want to, or put ’em over your head, but don’t you touch that cock without permission.”

  Neil’s cock twitched, but his hands settled on Dex’s ass, tightly gripping.

  “That’s better.”

  He’d be willing to swear he had Neil close to subspace. Leaning in, he whispered, “Gotcha now, don’t I?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Got what you need, huh?”

  “Please make me come.”

  “Oh, I will, buddy.” Dex resumed his slow bump-and-grind, loving the way Neil flexed and squeezed his ass around Dex’s cock. “But if you want to spend the rest of your life with me, you need to sample the goods. Make sure you want this cock chasing you around all the time.”

  “I do.”

  Dex sucked on Neil’s lower lip. “I always wondered what it’d feel like to have you plowing my ass while I fucked Tam. Sorry I didn’t take you up on the offer sooner.”

  “Better late than never.”

  “I mean it, though. We do this, you’re stuck with me for life. No sex with anyone else but me. I kinda got used to coming home and blowing my frustration on Tam, thanks in no small part to you winding her up.”

  Neil smiled up at him. “You’re welcome.”

  Dex adjusted the angle of attack and Neil let out the good kind of gasp, fingers digging even harder into Dex’s ass.

  “That the spot?” Dex maintained the rhythm and depth of his strokes, watching, waiting. Neil nodded, eyes falling closed. “No, look at me,” Dex ordered.

  They popped open again, those sweet baby blues staring up at him.

  “Show me how good it feels,” Dex whispered. “Give it to me.”

  Neil was actively trying to fuck himself on Dex’s cock now, trying to urge him faster, harder, deeper. So Dex obliged, his own orgasm quickly approaching.