Any World That I'm Welcome To Read online

  Simultaneously, Dex felt Neil’s fingers really dig into his ass, Neil’s ass spasming around his cock, and the feel of hot cum shooting between them and providing sudden lubrication between their abs.

  “There…you…go.” Dex fell still with his cock deep inside Neil, kissing him, letting his pleasure wash through him as he filled Neil’s ass with his cum.

  He didn’t want to move. Resting his forehead against Neil’s, he realized he liked the way Neil’s fingers were now gently raking up and down his back.

  “On second thought, let’s clean up, eat, and have a short nap first, then go get the license. Okay?”

  “Nap?”

  “I want to cuddle. I…” Dex choked back the unexpected sob trying to break free. “It just feels so damn good to cuddle again.”

  Neil’s embrace tightly closed around him. “Then let’s clean up, eat, and take a short nap and cuddle. That sounds real good to me, too.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Neil struggled against his tears as he stared into the bathroom mirror and shaved late Sunday morning. Sure, he’d idly wondered what his wedding might be like, one day. For too many years, it was confined to the realm of fantasy.

  Until the gay marriage ban finally fell.

  Then he really did imagine that he might actually be able to get married one day, if he ever met the guy. He’d even sort of planned the ceremony in his head.

  He never imagined it under circumstances like this. This wasn’t fair to Dex, either.

  He should be celebrating Dex and Tam getting married. He should be drowning in his own melancholy that his best friends were happy and going on with their lives and he was free to do…whatever.

  Not this.

  Tamsin should be teaching kids and having fun and being his sweet little baby brat. He should be egging Dex on for tortures to inflict upon her for “punishments.”

  He should be able to cuddle with her on the couch on nights Dex had to work, watching stupid TV shows or dumb movies, talking the way they always used to.

  Dex shouldn’t have any greater worry than whatever run he was on at work.

  Neil looked up at the soft tap on his bedroom door. “Yeah?”

  He heard it open, then close. In the mirror, he saw Dex appear in the bathroom doorway behind him.

  Wearing that sexy smirk that always melted Neil. “Hey, handsome. Ready to get hitched?”

  Neil took another swipe with the razor, along his throat. “Once I finish this. I at least want to look good when I marry you, Princess.”

  Dex chuckled and walked over, slipping his arms around him from behind. “No second thoughts?”

  “No.” He met Dex’s gaze in the mirror. “You?”

  “Crazy as it sounds, nope. I’m good with this.” He rested his chin on Neil’s shoulder. “You’re stuck with me.”

  “Well, fair’s fair, since you’re stuck with me.”

  Dex didn’t move. “Sorry I don’t have a ring for you.”

  More melancholy to shove back into its mental closet and lock tightly away. “I don’t need a ring. I just need you.”

  One of the few lies he knew he would ever tell Dex.

  More a minor fib than a lie in the grand scheme of things. He didn’t want to delay their wedding just to go looking for rings. Besides, he knew that might be too sad for Dex, reliving his memories of him and Tamsin ring shopping.

  And it might be too “real” for Dex, cementing this union as more than just a pro forma legal matter. If that was the case, Neil would rather live with the charade in his brain.

  “Loren texted me that they’re on the way,” Dex said. “She wanted to know if they should bring anything.”

  “No. We’ve got all we need, I think.” They’d gone shopping yesterday, a simple, easy meal, grilling burgers out on the lanai.

  And they’d stocked up on condoms and lube. Bareback was fun, but it wasn’t practical for as often as it seemed they’d be fucking and burning off frustration.

  “She also asked me if it was okay if Mevi played for us. He asked her if he could.”

  Neil gave up trying to fight his tears and nodded.

  Dex squeezed harder. “Hey, at least we have Tam here, with us. Right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “The worst is behind us.” Dex made Neil turn to face him. “I’m going to count every day we have with her as a blessing, and every day I have with you as…” Neil couldn’t read Dex’s expression as his words trailed off.

  “As?”

  When Dex spoke again, his voice sounded tight, choked. “The only thing keeping me alive right now.” Neil spotted the tears in his eyes. “If it wasn’t for you, I would have given up. On her, and on me.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m stubborn, Princess. Knew I’d get into your pants one day.” Neil forced a smile. “Kind of extreme, but I’ll take the win.”

  “Me, too.”

  * * * *

  For some stupid reason, Dex had decided to call his parents that morning to give them an update about Tamsin.

  And to give them a heads-up about the wedding, since he would be talking about it on Facebook. No way would he lie about it, or hide it or Neil. He wasn’t ashamed to be the man’s husband.

  As he’d predicted, they weren’t thrilled. Especially his mother. Fortunately, he’d been able to get off the phone with her before he said something he couldn’t take back.

  They couldn’t understand why they’d brought Tamsin home in the first place when they thought she should be in a “home.”

  Like Tamsin was a sack of meat without feelings or thoughts.

  They thought she was a “vegetable.”

  God, how he hated that word with a fucking passion. It wasn’t like she was a damn squash or something. She was a person, the woman he loved.

  The woman Neil loved.

  They were miles down the road beyond the point of the DNR and heroic measures being taken. He didn’t care about any of that. He couldn’t fault Neil for his decisions, because had he been awake and functioning when she was admitted, he would have been begging them to save her life, too.

  She was alive, and she was with them.

  That was, honestly, more than he’d thought possible after seeing her in the ICU for the first time and finding out what she’d survived, the extent of her injuries.

  He wasn’t even sure then if she’d survive. Neil had no true idea how close she’d come to dying, multiple times.

  The fact that she’d hung on and fought proved that they’d made the right choice.

  He’d work on trying to assuage Neil’s self-recriminations later.

  Today, he wanted to enjoy their wedding.

  Maybe this was as much as they’d ever get back of their Tamsin.

  If so, then that’s how they’d live their lives, taking care of her, and taking care of each other.

  * * * *

  Everyone arrived, and before Dex realized it they had what felt like a houseful of people, even though it was less than twenty guests.

  Once everyone had arrived, they all gathered together around Tamsin’s bed, Dex on her left and Neil on her right, holding her hands, as well as reaching behind the end of the bed and holding each other’s hand. Loren stood at the foot of the bed.

  Dex wished he could handle doing something…more for Neil today, something better, but he didn’t have it in him.

  He was barely holding it together. The last thing he wanted to do was crumble when Neil had practically bare-handedly managed to hold his shit together and accomplished a miracle by bringing Tamsin home.

  He owed Neil composure. Hell, he owed the man Tamsin’s life.

  This wasn’t Neil’s fault, but this should have been Tamsin’s day, and it killed Dex that he couldn’t lift her out of that bed and fix what was wrong with her. He was her fiancé and her Dominant and totally helpless.

  Mevi played and sang an acoustic version of a love ballad for them, one that Tam loved. When the song had first been released, everyone thoug
ht it was a man’s song about the woman he loved. It wasn’t until after Mevi met and married Doyle and came out about being gay that he revealed the truth behind the song, and Mevi re-released the new, acoustic version. Complete with a new music video.

  This time, completely true to his heart.

  Once he finished, Loren took over.

  “Short version?” Loren confirmed.

  Dex nodded. “For today, yes, please.”

  Neil nodded in agreement. “Quick and easy.”

  “Rings?”

  Dex shook his head.

  Loren opened her small book that he’d seen her read from dozens of times before, for weddings and collarings. It was actually a journal, he knew from asking her, where she’d written down variations for a wide spectrum of ceremonies.

  “I’ve known Neil and Tamsin for several years now, and Dex, you’re a wonderful, wonderful man. I know this isn’t what any of you envisioned, but it’s still beautiful, in its way. Love is love, and it’s obvious that love lives in this house, with the three of you. The old verse about love being patient and kind is embodied within these four walls, and under this roof, in all three of you. Please know that you are loved by a larger community of friends who want nothing but happiness and healing for all three of you. Dex, do you take Neil as your husband?”

  Dex nodded. “I do.”

  “Neil, do you take Dex as your husband?”

  “I do.”

  “Then by the power vested in me by the State of Florida, I now pronounce you married.”

  He squeezed Neil’s hand and realized the other man was crying. Neil leaned in and kissed Tamsin’s forehead, then whispered something in her ear, too low for him to hear.

  Dex followed suit, except he kissed her on the lips before leaning in to whisper, “I love you, baby brat. Always.”

  * * * *

  “I’m sorry, Tam. I love you. Please, don’t hate me.”

  Neil watched as Dex leaned in to kiss her after he’d taken his turn to whisper to her.

  Had he made a mistake by asking Dex to marry him? Ed had agreed it made perfectly good sense. Then Dex rounded the bed and they kissed, a quick peck that even Laurel, who’d come with Leo, Jesse, Eva, and Nate, wouldn’t blush over.

  But as they received congratulatory hugs from everyone, and he and Dex and Loren and Ed all signed the marriage license and wedding certificate, Neil couldn’t shake his pain.

  Sure, he’d jokingly been envious of Tam’s relationship with Neil. Not in a serious way, but an I wish he was my guy kind of way.

  Now, Dex was his guy.

  This is not how I wanted that to happen.

  Logically, duh, he knew he hadn’t caused this.

  Still, even his soul ached.

  As everyone except Sarah, their nurse, moved out onto the lanai to start grilling the burgers, Neil lingered behind for a moment. He stared down at Tam, brushing his fingers along the back of her hand.

  I’d kill for you to look me in the eye right now and tell me I fucked up by taking your guy.

  That was something he couldn’t say aloud with Sarah sitting there.

  There were a lot of things he couldn’t say to her with Sarah sitting right there.

  So many things he wanted to say to Tam.

  Beg his sweet baby brat to come out and play, promise her an ass full of cane marks and an hour with the vibrator if she’d smile for him and just ask for…something.

  Plead with her to call him “Sir” and beg for the belt.

  Hold out her wrists to him for her leather cuffs.

  Anything.

  A hint of his sweet, beloved girl.

  His friend.

  His family.

  He leaned in to kiss her cheek. “I love you, Tam. I love you so much.”

  As he finally followed the others out onto the lanai, Neil wondered if there’d ever be a time in his life when his soul stopped hurting as badly as it had since the night he’d received Wade’s phone call and his world ended.

  And he made a silent pledge to do everything he could to make Dex’s life as good as possible to try to make up for what was taken from him.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Loren and Ross were the last ones there, besides Dex and Neil, Sarah, and Tamsin, of course. Neil wasn’t in a hurry to rush Loren and Ross out the door, especially since they were helping with the final clean-up, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to be as alone with Dex as possible. They couldn’t be alone-alone because of Tam and whichever nurse was on duty.

  “Any plans for your big night?” Loren gently teased Dex as she and Ross helped the men finish cleaning up the kitchen.

  Neil had been on his way to the sink with his hands full, carrying two empty serving bowls. Dex used the opportunity to snag the front of his shirt collar with a hooked finger, pull him in, and kiss him.

  “Just a quiet evening at home,” Dex said, staring up into Neil’s eyes.

  “Yeah,” Neil agreed, smiling. “We’ve had enough craziness for a while. Besides, I have to work tomorrow.”

  “Tilly’s really upset she couldn’t be here,” Ross said. “She keeps e-mailing me for updates. I have a feeling I’m going to get smacked when she returns to Florida for not putting it on Facebook Live or something for her.”

  He had filmed it on his cell phone for the men, as well as Doyle took pictures, which they had already e-mailed to Neil.

  Neil set the bowls in the sink once Dex released him. “We’ll do something bigger for everyone in a couple of months, once life settles down. Right now, I want to let our routine here shake out. The nurses have all been great, but we’re still getting to know each other.”

  “Understandable,” Loren said.

  “Not saying this is an ideal situation,” Ross said, “but I have to hand it to you for creatively coming up with a workable solution.”

  “Tamsin’s what matters most,” Dex said. “We’d do anything for her.”

  Neil forced the smile to not slip from his face. “Anything.”

  * * * *

  Dex hoped Neil would have patience with him. The mixed bag of emotions he experienced today would take him long enough to unpack without even getting into the issue of…them.

  Had Dex meant his vows? Absolutely. Had he meant what he said to Neil when he’d agreed to this? That it was just the two of them—well, three including Tamsin—and for life?

  Of course he had.

  Only a few months ago, he and Tamsin were still debating on setting a date. That they were getting married was a given.

  They had still been trying to decide on a ceremony, honeymoon, all of those details that, at the time, Dex had been too busy to take a deep interest in. If Tamsin was happy, he was happy. That, and that they could afford it. His only two criteria.

  In many ways, today soothed part of Dex’s soul. It was a comfort to know this man loved Tam as much as he did. It was a comfort to know he didn’t have to explain himself to Neil, that they got along well, that they were on the same page.

  Many people knew each other far less than that and got married with far more extreme differences separating them.

  Neil deserved happiness. Dex hoped he could give it to him, in some way.

  Once they’d finished cleaning up the kitchen, and had bid good-bye to Loren and Ross, it was still early, not even dark yet. Dex sent Neil on ahead to the bedroom and stopped by the living room to speak with Sarah.

  “If we don’t see you before you leave, thanks for being here today.”

  She smiled and made a shooing motion. “Go enjoy your wedding night. We’ve got this under control.”

  While there hadn’t been any explicit discussions with any of the staff about his and Neil’s relationship status, or Tamsin’s, he understood some of the nurses would be infinitely more comfortable with the full truth than others.

  Sarah was one of them. Tonight he didn’t want to take time away from Neil to explain it, though.

  “Thanks.”

 
He softly closed the bedroom door behind him—their bedroom door.

  He found Neil standing at the vertical blinds covering the sliders that led to the lanai. He stared out them, at the pool.

  Dex walked up behind him and wrapped his arms around him. “So how many times did you watch us play and wank in here?”

  He snorted. “Enough.” He reached out and pulled on the cord to close the blinds before turning to face him. “Does that bother you?”

  “No. I knew you were watching. If we wanted privacy, we shut the bedroom door. I kind of liked knowing you appreciated my ass. Besides, I figured if you liked to watch, the least I could do was give you a good show for how well you took care of her.”

  Neil seemed to need a moment to compose his thoughts. When he spoke, his voice sounded soft, sad. “Look, I don’t want you to feel like you’re obligated—”

  Dex reached up, grabbed his head, and pulled in him for a hard, deep kiss.

  Yeah, not having that shit tonight.

  He wanted Neil to let go for a couple of hours. They had trusted care for Tamsin. They had each other.

  It had to be enough.

  Had to be.

  Dex started backing toward the bed and pulling Neil with him. Right now, he’d gladly catch if Neil wanted to pitch. Round two, they could switch things up.

  They had a limited slice of time available to them, before he had to return to work, where they could shake the bad kind of kinks out of this between them and build a solid foundation for life.

  Words meant nothing if Dex couldn’t show Neil how he felt.

  He let Neil come up for air. “Show me what you got, Prince.”

  Neil smiled, and for a blissful moment there was no pain, no grief, no worry. The carefree smile of a guy who’d just gotten married for the first time.

  Neil pulled him into his arms. “My terms?”

  “Your terms.”

  He kissed Dex, long and sweet, hardening Dex’s cock and making him finally grind against Neil. “Stay,” Neil whispered.

  He disengaged himself from Dex and walked over to the dresser where the TV sat. He also had a small stereo there, and he plugged his phone into it, pulling up a playlist.