Searching for a Heart Read online

  Milo stood, releasing Mads’ hands after giving her a gentle squeeze. “Let’s go have a little chat,” he said to the resident and nurse, pointing at the door.

  He made sure the nurse and resident walked ahead of him and he closed the room door behind him when he exited. He pointed down the hall at the nurses’ station.

  “There. Now.” He followed them. “I want a supervisor up here. Right now,” he demanded when they reached the nurses’ station.

  One of the nurses stood. “I’m in charge, sir. What can I do for you?”

  “This guy”—he pointed at the resident—“isn’t nearly as high on my shit list as she is.” He pointed at the nurse. “I want another nurse for Mads. Immediately.”

  “What’s going on?”

  “She keeps misgendering my fiancée and rolling her fucking eyes at me and her when I correct her.”

  “What?”

  The nurse leaned in and dropped her voice. “He’s got a penis. It’s a tranny—”

  Milo slapped the desk, making everyone jump. “She is a woman. And you’re about one word away from a massive fucking lawsuit, lady.”

  The supervisor looked like she’d rather be anywhere but there at that moment, but to her credit, she turned on the nurse and pointed at an office behind the desk. “You. There. Now.”

  The nurse’s face turned red, and she scurried around the counter and into the office.

  The other nurses sitting at the desk had all frozen, staring.

  The supervisor glanced around at the nurses gathered there. “Sharon, I need you to take over 406 immediately.” She turned to Milo. “I’m really sorry, sir. I’ll be reporting this to administration and make sure she’s officially reprimanded.”

  “She damned well better be.” He dropped his voice to a dangerous growl. “Maddison deserves respect the way any other patient does. She’s terrified, and in a lot of pain. Showing her a little fucking compassion wouldn’t hurt anyone. She’s not trying to make anyone’s job confusing or difficult. She’s scared.”

  He dropped his voice even lower. “She was seriously injured in an assault a few years ago, and she was retraumatized by medical personnel and law enforcement who were supposed to care for and protect her. She has PTSD, and this whole experience has been a massive trigger for her. All she wants is to be treated with compassion and respect.”

  “Of course, sir. This will not happen again.”

  “It better not.” Shaking with rage, he turned and stalked away from the desk, aware that Sharon was on her feet and scurrying after him.

  “I’m so sorry,” she whispered when she caught up to him before they reached the room. “Frankly, Jen’s a bitch.”

  He stopped and turned on her, keeping his voice low. “Not my problem. My concern is that my fiancée, who has PTSD, is being massively triggered by the very staff who are supposed to be caring for her. Add in the other obvious issues with her medical history, and can you see where I’m coming from, here?”

  “Yes, sir. I promise you, I won’t have a problem caring for her.”

  “Good.” He pasted a smile on his face as they opened the door. He hated that Mads flinched before realizing it was him. “Hey, look what I did, baby. Brand new nurse to take care of you.”

  To her credit, Sharon smiled and followed Milo over to the bed. “Hi, Maddison, I’m Sharon. I’m going to be your nurse for the rest of the night. Can I get you anything?”

  He’d retaken his chair and when Mads’ hand found his, she squeezed, desperate, like a drowning woman. “I want to go home,” she whispered.

  “I know. I’m sorry I can’t make that happen for you right now. I’m going to take a few minutes to get up to speed on your chart and see if you’re due for me to take your vitals. Are you in any pain right now?”

  Mads slowly shook her head.

  “Tell her the truth, baby,” Milo gently said.

  “Yeah,” Mads softly admitted. “It’s about an eight or nine.”

  “Okay. Let me go look up your chart and talk to the doctor, and I’ll be right back.” She closed the door behind her.

  “What’d you do, Sir?” Mads whispered once they were alone again.

  He grimly smiled. “Let’s just say I apparently have a bigger damn Dom streak in me than I thought I did.”

  The nurse returned a few minutes later with the vitals trolley, and a syringe of meds that she added to the IV pump, programming it in. Then she took Mads’ vital signs.

  With that done, she focused on Mads. “I know they checked your incision,” she said, “but I need to take a look, too, so I see what it looks like now, in case there are any changes. And I really need to check your catheter to make sure there’s no problems. Is that all right?”

  Mads looked at Milo, and he nodded.

  “Okay,” Mads finally said.

  It was through sheer force of will that he kept his voice calm as he addressed the nurse. “Just ask her first and warn her when you’re doing something. Those are the two biggest issues.”

  “Of course. I need to move the covers and look under your gown at the incision. Okay?”

  Mads nodded and closed her eyes, tears squeezing out from under her eyelids and rolling down her cheeks.

  The nurse brought her tissues first, before she grabbed gloves and checked the dressing, not making Mads wince, but Mads tucked her head more tightly against Milo.

  Once Sharon finished looking at that, she pulled Mads’ gown back over her abdomen, covering her. “Okay, I need to check the catheter. I’m going to have to touch you to do that, though. I don’t know if it was checked at the start of the shift, but there aren’t any notes about your output levels. I’m really sorry.”

  Mads nodded against Milo’s neck and then sniffled.

  “I promise I’ll be quick.” Sharon pulled back just enough of the hem of her gown to expose the tubing snaking over Mads’ thigh and off the side of the bed. “Just a quick touch, sweetie, I’m sorry.”

  Mads flinched but didn’t say anything.

  The nurse quickly pulled Mads’ gown back into place and followed the tubing over her thigh. “Everything looks good. Let me empty this while I’m here and record it.”

  She pulled the covers back over Maddison. “If you want, I can check that again at the end of my shift, instead of the other nurse doing it when she comes on. I’ll be here tomorrow night, too, so I’m sure they’ll assign me to you, if you’d like. So we could hold off on checking it again until I come back on.”

  Mads nodded.

  “I’ll also make sure they assign Amy to you for day shift in the morning. She has a sister who’s in…um, your situation. I think you’ll really like her.”

  “Thank you,” Milo said.

  Once they were alone again, he rounded the bed and carefully climbed into it next to her, holding her as she cried.

  “I’m sorry I lost it, baby,” he said. “I’m sorry I lost my temper.”

  She sniffled, but it sounded like a laugh. “It’s okay. Better you than Mom. Or Fen.”

  “Why?”

  That was definitely a chuckle. “You’d be bailing both of them out by now. Mom and Fen would have literally gone after the other nurse. Dad stepped between Mom and a nurse when Mom swung on her. She clocked him instead.”

  He could see that happening. “I’ll call in and take some time off work.”

  She tipped her head back to look at him. “Why?”

  “Why? Because this is bullshit. I’m going to take care of you.”

  “I thought I heard you say Eliza was going to be here Monday morning?”

  “She is, but—”

  “If I’m not safe with Eliza, I won’t be safe with anyone. From the sound of it, I’m going to need you more at home right after I’m discharged.”

  “Let me see how the rest of the night goes first,” he finally said. “And tomorrow. Make sure they’re really fixing this. Then I’ll make the decision. All right?”

  “Yes, Sir.”

 
; He’d finally returned to the recliner chair and was dozing in it when someone lightly knocked on the door and the nursing supervisor poked her head in.

  Mads was asleep, thanks to the pain meds. He tipped his head for the woman to come in, but he didn’t want to pull his hand away from Mads’ and risk waking her up again. Even in sleep her face was tensed with pain.

  “I’d like to apologize again,” she softly said. “I’ve filed a report about this.” She handed him a business card with a woman’s name and number written on the back side. “That’s our patient rep. She’s only here on weekdays during business hours, though. You can call her if you have other questions or concerns about this incident.”

  “She still on the floor tonight?”

  “No, I’ve sent her home. She’ll be reassigned to a different section tomorrow.”

  “Sharon said something about assigning Amy to Mads in the morning?”

  “We’ve already set it up. That was the other thing I was coming to tell you. I think you’ll both really like Amy. She’s got personal experience with a similar situation, and she’s been a nurse for nearly twenty years now. Can I get you anything, sir?”

  “No, I’m okay. I just need sleep and not having to worry about how she’s being treated.”

  “I promise, nothing like this will happen again during her stay. I’ve also told Sharon to make sure Amy knows she needs to accompany the doctors and advise them of Maddison’s needs before they do any exams. And we’ll make sure she understands about Maddison’s PTSD.”

  “Thank you.”

  Finally, he settled back in the recliner, angled toward Maddison’s bed, where he could see if she woke up.

  Only then did it hit him what he’d said.

  Fiancée.

  But…yeah.

  I’m going to marry her.

  Not just that, but the quiet certainty settled in his heart.

  I’m going to spend the rest of my life with her.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Fortunately, the day nurse was a marked improvement from the bitch from hell.

  Plus, with Mads doing okay, and both Fen and Eliza there at her bedside, Milo went home to take a shower and run a couple of errands.

  Including one that, now with it on his mind, he couldn’t think about anything else until it was done.

  He made two purchases there, one that returned with him to the hospital, and one that he tucked into his desk at home, safely hidden.

  Hopefully to be retrieved soon.

  Later that evening, once Sharon was on duty again and everyone else had gone home, he closed the room door and walked over to his bag, where he’d tucked the first item. “We need to talk, baby.”

  “Talk?”

  He turned back to her. “Talk. I kind of made an executive decision that I didn’t run past you first and probably should have.”

  “What do you mean?”

  He took her hand. “I’m going to need to have you do something for me, baby.”

  Mads scowled. “What?”

  “I kind of told the staff you were my fiancée. I guess I should have actually asked you to marry me first.” He slipped the engagement ring onto her left ring finger. “Will you marry me?”

  Her eyes widened. “Seriously?”

  “Yeah. I nearly pounded a nurse and risked going to jail.” He smiled. “If that’s not love, I don’t know what the hell is.”

  She stared at the ring for a long moment, starting to worry him when she didn’t respond. His smile faded. “Mads?”

  “You mean it?” she whispered.

  “Of course I do.”

  “What about your family?”

  “What about them?”

  Her gaze finally focused on his again. “Are they going to be okay with this?”

  “With what?”

  “With me.”

  “I’m marrying you because I love you. I’m not marrying you for your lady parts. I wouldn’t feel a need to explain your factory-built body to them if you were cis. If you want to tell them, that’s up to you. Doesn’t change how I feel about you. I don’t think it’s going to be a problem with them even if you do tell them. If you want me to tell them, then I will. But, again, I didn’t introduce my ex to them as, ‘Hey, this is Linda, she was born as and assigned female as her gender, and she has a vagina.’”

  He hated the doubt and worry clouding her gaze.

  “I mean,” he finally continued when she didn’t speak. “I guess I’m marrying you if you say yes, you’ll marry me.”

  Tears welled up in her eyes, making them too bright, too blue, her long eyelashes only accentuating how fragile and vulnerable she looked right now.

  Maybe this was shitty of him to spring it on her on top of everything else, but the thought of losing her when she’d suddenly become his entire life was nearly too much for him to bear.

  “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

  Relief and joy flowed through him. He leaned in to kiss her again. “You scared me for a minute there, baby.”

  “Sorry, Sir.”

  His cock twitched in his jeans, even though maybe that made him a shitty person, too. “Ooohh, yeah. That.” He nuzzled his nose against hers. “You will be calling me Sir when we’re alone, baby. I fucking love that.”

  “Dom stuff finally feeling comfortable?”

  He brushed a thumb over her lips. “Absolutely, it is.”

  She studied him for a long moment. “I’m never getting bottom surgery,” she whispered.

  “Honey, you’re not having any surgeries, unless they’re medically necessary, like this one was. I forbid it. I refuse to put you through any unnecessary anguish. And, one of my rules is you don’t go to doctor appointments without me there. Unless we can arrange Fen or Eliza or someone to go with you. Understand?”

  “Why?”

  “Because that’s my job. To stay with you and make sure no one tries any bullshit with you. I know it sucks, but I won’t have some shithead being a dick to you. It’s my job to take care of you, because I love you.”

  * * * *

  This was happening…this was happening really fast.

  And, for the first time in her life, it felt like it was exactly what should be happening.

  “What about collaring?”

  “We’re going to talk about that later. We’re not getting married tomorrow, for starters. I think we need to live together a few months first. Ed will kill me if we don’t do paperwork before we get married. If your parents don’t kill me first.”

  She smirked. “True story.”

  “I asked you to marry me. I’m going to put collaring in your hands. I’m still a baby Dom, as you like to say. I think when you feel comfortable turning yourself over to me as my slave, when you think you’re ready to take that step with me, and you think I’m ready to take that step with you, then you ask me to collar you.”

  “Before we’re married?”

  “I’m going to say it’ll be at least six months before we actually get married. Maybe longer, if you feel we need it, or maybe if I feel we need it. There’s no expiration date on this engagement. We can be engaged six months or six years. But I don’t want to do anything if you don’t feel ready. I needed you to know how serious I am about how I feel about you, though.”

  She hated that it looked like he was close to crying. “That was a damned close call, baby,” he said, his voice sounding hoarse. “You were really lucky. The thought that you might have died on me before I was able to tell you that I love you, and that you’re the most magical, beautiful person to ever walk into my life, would have destroyed me.

  “I need to know that, no matter what, I’ve told you how I feel, and you know that, in my heart, I already belong to you. How we hammer out the other details is just a matter of figuring it out. Figuring us out. I’m good with however long we need to take to do that.”

  She blinked back tears at his heartfelt words. “Yes, Sir.”

  He leaned in, his forehead touching hers. “I swea
r, baby. I won’t let you down. I’ve got you.”

  She nuzzled her face against his, her eyes closed as she inhaled his scent.

  Absolutely, with every cell in her being, she believed him.

  Eliza arrived bright and early Monday morning, before Milo had to leave for work. And she immediately spotted the ring, grinning from ear-to-ear when she gave Mads a gentle fist-bump as soon as Milo was out the door.

  “Work it, girl! Damn. That’s pretty bling.”

  “Thank you.” She stared at it. “I hope Fen will be okay with it.”

  “You hope Fen will be okay with what?” he asked from the doorway.

  Eliza grabbed her hand and held it up, shaking it. “Look look look!”

  Fen rushed over. “Damn! He put a ring on it already!” He leaned in and kissed Mads’ cheek. “Shit! That means I owe Joel a naked custom pole dance routine.”

  “What?”

  “Yeah, he bet me Milo would propose in six weeks or sooner. I said he’d wait at least six months.”

  “Thanks. I think.”

  He grinned. “I don’t think I’ll have to hurt him. Milo, I mean. He seems to have great references.”

  “Damn straight he does,” Eliza said. “I’ll have you know we are trained professionals, trained by the best.” She blew on her fingernails before buffing them on her shirt. “Not about to blow a perfect record now!”

  Chapter Twenty

  “Do not open that door,” Milo scolded when he spotted Maddison reaching for the door handle.

  He’d even forgive her eye roll. It was adorable when she did it.

  “Yes, Sir,” she said.

  It was late Thursday afternoon. While Milo had wanted her home with him, he also wished they’d kept her an extra day. Her bloodwork all came back fine, showing no post-op infection, but he was now fucking paranoid if she so much as yawned.

  He couldn’t lose her, didn’t know what he’d do without her.

  She was on some pretty strong antibiotics, and after two days of a clear diet, her transition to a regular diet had gone well, prompting the surgeon to discharge her.