Any World That I'm Welcome To [Suncoast Society] (Siren Publishing Sensations) Read online

  She focused on their hands. “Married?” Her fingers moved slowly, but for the first time since before the accident, they were watching her move them purposefully, exploring. “How…long?”

  “Over nine months,” Neil said.

  Another scowl darkened her expression, and he wasn’t sure if it was confusion or something else.

  Once Karyn finished giving her the water, she stepped into the kitchen to leave a message with Tamsin’s neurologist about this latest development. The service took a message and promised to relay it to him immediately.

  “We’ll need to get her appointments set up,” Dex said. “I can take time off work.”

  He watched Tamsin’s fingers, tracing his rings, then Neil’s, back and forth, slowly.

  Definitely disbelief.

  He didn’t have to be a mind reader to see it there in stark relief.

  But where did they go from here, when he’d finally come to peace with the fact that he likely would never hear her voice or see her smile again?

  Where did they go now that the woman they loved had awakened? Where did that leave him and Neil?

  Because despite his dream being answered with Tam, Dex knew his next biggest nightmare would be losing Neil.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  The men didn’t go back to bed. Neil knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep even if he wanted to.

  Tamsin was awake, and he’d hate himself if he left her side just to find out she’d slipped away again, all because he wanted a couple of hours of sleep.

  The neurologist called them back immediately and spoke to Karyn to confirm he’d heard the message right from his service.

  Then he asked them to bring Tamsin in first thing in the morning, even though they didn’t have an appointment for her.

  The coffeepot got a workout, and the men took turns getting their showers, one of them always staying with Tamsin, keeping her talking, not letting her drift away again.

  Answering her questions, some of which were repetitive and some of which didn’t seem to make much sense.

  Like if they’d refilled the bird feeder.

  As the morning got underway, Karyn made more calls for the men and everyone agreed they wanted to see Tamsin in their offices, ASAP.

  Meaning a day’s worth of driving around Sarasota.

  Dex already happened to have the day off, but Neil called in, too, so they could shuttle Tamsin to doctor and therapy appointments with Martina, her day nurse, in tow. Everyone wanted to see Tamsin, evaluate her, fitting her into their schedules.

  She was a literal medical miracle.

  At every stop, Neil and Dexter were cautioned that this wasn’t a “recovery,” but only a possible improvement. That it could easily be temporary.

  That they might lose her again.

  Neil didn’t care and knew Dexter didn’t, either. She’d finally come back to them.

  If they could only hold on to her.

  Tamsin didn’t speak much, and when she did, it was in low, muted tones that sounded nothing like her voice before the accident. During the van rides from appointment to appointment, Neil let Dex do the driving, not trusting himself today. He spent most of his time turned in his seat, looking back at Tamsin, watching how she looked around at her surroundings, and how she actually saw them today.

  Frequent scowls, raised eyebrows.

  Attentive.

  There’d been times before where she’d turned her head during car rides, but the focus hadn’t been there, that Neil could remember.

  In fact, when Martina had arrived early that morning for the start of her shift, and after Karyn got her caught up, there’d been another round of introductions where Tamsin scowled as she tried to come to grips with the fact that there were people who knew her far better than she knew them.

  It was only because Neil knew Tamsin needed to see her doctors today that he didn’t ban everyone from the house today except Dex, and curl up with Tamsin to talk to her, say all the things to her that he didn’t know if she’d heard while “gone.”

  He didn’t have a better way of thinking of it, medical terminology be damned.

  She’d been gone…and now she was back.

  Home.

  * * * *

  Tamsin felt…like she was in her body, and yet she wasn’t. Part of her brain hammered on her consciousness and tried to tell her to wake up, to sit up, to ask questions, but her body wouldn’t respond correctly.

  All around her lay evidence of changes subtle and large. An empty lot was now a condo complex. Road projects that had been a mess of construction barriers were now complete.

  Roads that had been unimpeded were now a maze of construction.

  Every stop they made that morning, more unfamiliar people who seemed to know who she was, and who Neil and Dex knew, talked to her and it overwhelmed her, the questions they asked—sometimes the same goddamned questions—until she finally exploded in tears in the fourth exam room and begged Neil and Dex to ask everyone to leave.

  Once they were alone, the men holding her hands, she stared at them. “What happened to me?”

  Not that Dex had been a raging maniac or anything, but never had she ever remembered Dex being so calm, so patient. “Baby, we were in an acci—”

  “But what happened to me? My body?”

  Neil reached up with a tissue to dab at the tears rolling down her cheeks. “Sweetheart,” he softly said, “you suffered a traumatic brain injury. You’ve been…asleep for all this time. That’s not the right term, but close enough for now. Your body is weak. You had other injuries besides the TBI.”

  “I want to go home. Please take me home.”

  Dex gently squeezed her hand. “Tam, we have to finish seeing the doctors. They need to examine you and—”

  “Home!”

  Neil leaned in and dropped his voice. “Look at me, baby brat.”

  She did, knowing that tone too damn well.

  She was brushing up against a line, except this time she knew Neil wouldn’t be using a belt on her. Another facet of her life apparently gone in the wind. The men were treating her like fragile china.

  “I know you’re scared, but do you trust us?”

  She stared into his blue eyes. He…was changed, somehow. Deep lines at the outer corners of his eyes that hadn’t been there before. More grey in his light brown hair.

  And Dex. He, too, had changed. She stared at him, the way he kept looking from Neil to her and back again, as if leaning on Neil in a way she couldn’t remember him doing before.

  The fear in his eyes.

  Neil reached out, cupping her cheek. “I asked you a question, baby brat. Do you trust us?”

  She couldn’t nod very well. So she licked her lips to keep them from sticking together and said, “Yes, Sir.”

  She didn’t understand why both Neil and Dex burst into tears, leaning in to hug her.

  “I love you so much, baby,” Dex said, kissing her cheeks, her forehead. “Please, let us do what we need to do to help you. Okay? You don’t have to do anything except what we tell you to do. We promise.”

  “Work.”

  “I’m off until day after tomorrow.”

  “My work.”

  Neil couldn’t seem to stop stroking her hair now. “Sorrellson hired Darryl to take your place. We knew there was no way you’d be able to return before the end of the school year, at least.”

  She didn’t even have a damn job?

  What did she have?

  She didn’t know.

  “Can we call them back in?” Dex asked.

  She finally nodded.

  * * * *

  Dex struggled to pull himself together for her sake. He understood how overwhelmed she must feel but—

  Scratch that. He didn’t understand how overwhelmed she was. No way could he ever fathom what her emotions might be doing to her right now. All the medical literature and case studies he’d read warned that people with TBIs could undergo massive personality shifts, mood swings, and
other issues as a result of their injuries. That was on top of her being in a minimally conscious state for months.

  It wasn’t her fault.

  Not to mention on top of that, the extra disorientation of discovering her physical condition.

  He understood the medical staff understandably wanted to examine her, evaluate her and her condition. She was a rarity, but she was also a human being currently undergoing an unimaginable amount of stress and emotion.

  “How many more stops, Neil?” Dex asked.

  “Two more. She’s going to have an MRI and cat scan.”

  “We need to call Ed. Let him know. And June, Leah, and Loren so they can update people.”

  “Let’s hold off on that one,” Neil said.

  “Why?”

  “Because she’s overwhelmed. I feel horrible enough about having to drag her out this morning. We don’t need people bombarding her with visits at home right now.”

  As the men stood to the side and watched Tamsin trying to answer the doctor’s questions and follow his simple directions, Dex felt peace settle over him. While he’d finally come to terms a long time ago with the fact that their Tamsin had changed dramatically, and he loved her the way she was even if she spent the rest of her life living the way she had been, this was like a dream come true.

  Who knew what personality changes would manifest? She might have awakened literally as a whole new person. It was too soon to tell.

  It also meant he and Neil had to put their marriage on hold for now. Their sole focus had to be on Tamsin.

  The longer the day progressed, and the longer she stayed awake and with them, an illogical but quiet certainty took hold within him that she was back for good. Maybe it was wishful thinking on his part. Maybe the doctors would be right that she’d go to sleep tonight and tomorrow would return to the condition she had been in yesterday.

  But…this gave him hope. Hope that even if she did regress, she could still come back.

  Part of him felt like playing the lottery, buoyed, his soul lighter than it had felt since awaking in the hospital and finding out what happened.

  Then there was the other part of him, retreating into a quiet corner and feeling terrified that he’d have to let Neil go as his husband if Tamsin couldn’t deal with that.

  Because even though he loved her and would do anything for her, he also knew that might include making the greatest sacrifice of all and divorcing Neil so he could marry her.

  * * * *

  Tamsin would have killed for a cheeseburger.

  It was irrelevant that she could barely lift her damn head.

  She wanted food.

  Hell, she wanted a damn soda.

  But Neil and Dex steadfastly refused to give her that, citing one of the therapists they’d already seen that morning. Apparently, she’d have to be evaluated, go through a swallow study—whatever the hell that was—and undergo feeding therapy.

  I piss in a diaper, I’m not allowed to eat, and I don’t have a job.

  Oh, and my fiancé’s married to my best friend.

  Had they simply happily moved on with their lives without her? She guessed she should consider herself lucky that they hadn’t left her stuck somewhere.

  Staring out the van windows on her left, so she didn’t have to look at the nurse or Dex or Neil, who kept staring back at her like she was the most fascinating bug on the planet, Tamsin struggled to…process.

  A damn year. A year of her life she’d never get back, not to mention all the other things it looked like she might not get back, like her dignity.

  She was used to managing classes of sometimes rowdy children, and doing it with a smile because she loved music and loved her job. Most of all, she loved kids.

  And that was something else one doctor had mentioned to Dex, that as her recovery progressed, if they resumed their relationship it might not be a bad idea to give serious thought to birth control, because who knew what might happen if she got pregnant.

  If?

  Almost as if she wasn’t even there. Not Dex acting like that, but the doctor.

  Another thing taken from her.

  No, they hadn’t even settled the question of kids yet. They’d agreed it was a possibility, but that they’d wanted to wait at least a year before deciding if they wanted to try to get pregnant or wait a while longer. Especially with moving Dex into Neil’s—

  Done.

  —and their wedding plans—

  Moot.

  —and being able to enjoy settling into married life—

  With Neil.

  As they unloaded her for the next appointment, she wished she could shove them all away, get up, and storm off on her own.

  She’d had a car, a life, a bank account.

  Maybe she was being childish, but when the next doctor started going through a nearly identical set of questions and motions that the last couple of doctors had, she snapped.

  “Fuck all of you.”

  The room went silent, and the expressions of shock and hurt on Neil and Dex’s faces were almost enough to make her apologize and take it back.

  Almost.

  “I want to go home,” she finally said when it was obvious no one was going to speak first.

  She would have screamed it, except she knew she didn’t have the voice for it.

  Yet.

  The doctor cleared his throat. “I know this is very overwhelming, Miss—”

  “I. Want. To. Go. Home.”

  Overwhelming?

  Fuck him, fuck them, fuck everyone, and most of all fuck the fucking fucker who put her in this fucking wheelchair in the first goddamned fucking place.

  Neil pulled up one of the chairs and sat. “Can I please have a moment with her?”

  The doctor cleared his throat again. “Of course.”

  That left her and Neil and Dex.

  “Dex, can you please call Doyle? See if he’s in town and can come by tonight? Just him? Ask him not to say anything yet, please.”

  “Sure.” He left the room.

  Neil’s elbows rested on his knees, hands clasped, head bowed for a moment. When he looked up, she hadn’t been expecting what she saw.

  Tears in his eyes.

  “Baby, I am so sorry I can’t fix this for you.” Her heart broke as the tears rolled down his cheeks. “I did the best I could. I couldn’t lose you. I love you. And if I could take your place right now, I would. But they have a job to do, and I know this sucks. This is the starting point. I’ll walk through hell and do everything I can that’s physically within my power to do to help you, but I need you to please be patient. And if you hate me and want me out of your life once you can take care of yourself, I’ll understand, and I’ll go.”

  “No.” The thought of Neil not being in her life, in any world, was one she couldn’t deal with.

  She really couldn’t reach with her hand, but around the constraints of the stupid plastic splints she was also saddled with, she wiggled her fingers for him to take her hand.

  He reached over and held her hand.

  “I’m scared.”

  “I know, baby. I’m scared, too. So’s Dex. But we’re not leaving you. Not unless, once you can get around on your own, you tell us to go.”

  “It’d be easier if I go back to sleep.”

  That reaction also surprised her. He firmly shook his head. “No. Don’t you fucking dare. Not like you have a choice in the matter, but don’t you dare wish that.”

  * * * *

  Neil had known her possibly waking up one day wouldn’t be a magical cakewalk back to sexy perfection.

  He supposed that her being so demonstrative this soon was a good thing. It spoke to her will, her strength.

  But it also spoke to her pain.

  And that was something he knew he couldn’t begin to grasp the depths of.

  Nowhere in his fantasies of her returning had he imagined this kind of reaction from her.

  Anger at the people trying to help her. The people who loved her. />
  “Can we please go home?”

  “Baby, after we finish your appointments, yes. This has to happen first. And you’ll have a bunch more over the next days and weeks, I’m sure.”

  “I’m not a freak.”

  “No one says you are. But they have to assess you.”

  “Why can’t one do it?”

  “Because you have a lot of specialists. Please? If not for me, for Dex.” He decided to drop back into Dom mode again, playing dirty. “That guy loves you and his heart was broken. The first night we had you home, he curled up and went to sleep holding you in your bed.”

  “He did?”

  “Yeah, baby. He did. Would I lie to you?”

  “No, Sir.”

  A little relief filled him.

  He gently cradled her face in his hands and leaned in close, kissing her forehead, lingering, the way he always had. “You are my baby brat, and I’m so proud of you, sweetheart. I know this is hard, but please, do it for me. If not me, do it for him.”

  An exhausted sigh escaped her. “Yes, Sir,” she whispered.

  “Can I bring them back in?”

  She nodded.

  “Good girl.” After another kiss to her forehead, he stood and opened the door.

  The doctor looked a little…uncomfortable when he returned. “I’m sorry if I upset her—”

  “She is right there, doctor. You can talk to her, please. I’m sorry, but I didn’t realize how exhausted she is. As short as we can make this appointment, please.”

  As he stepped to the corner to let the doctor continue, Dex returned. “He’ll come by at seven,” he whispered to Neil.

  Neil nodded. “Thanks.”

  “Is she okay?”

  “Our girl is worn out, and I can’t blame her.”

  All Neil could do was hope that as she regained her independence that she still wanted him in her life, and not just Dex.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Tamsin lay awake, staring at the ceiling. Closing her eyes wasn’t an option. Now, she struggled against sleep, fearing it.

  Worried she might not wake up again. Too much of her life had been stolen from her already.