Any World That I'm Welcome To [Suncoast Society] (Siren Publishing Sensations) Read online

  Tonight, Neil lay stretched out asleep on the sofa even as the night nurse, Karyn, sat reading her Kindle. The men took turns ever since she’d…returned. Usually, it was Neil, unless Dex was home.

  She tried not to think about the fact that if they weren’t sleeping in the same bed, they weren’t having sex.

  Another development she struggled—and failed—to wrap her brain around.

  To her, she and Dex had set out after dinner to head home not that long ago.

  She’d missed birthdays, holidays.

  A wedding.

  Three weeks since she’d “returned” from the other world, as she thought of it, and she found it impossible to process the changes that had occurred in her absence.

  This world no longer felt familiar. It felt…odd. Uncomfortably out of proportion.

  That the two men welcomed her back to this world wasn’t something she doubted. Getting used to their tears as they talked to her still proved difficult.

  She felt like everyone had changed except her.

  Except…she had changed most of all. A body she’d closed her eyes on working fine was now an unrecognizable one that frustratingly defied her at every turn. She’d finally mastered hitting the button on the bed’s remote control to raise the head of the bed so she could sit up and work on holding her head up by herself.

  They got her soft squeeze balls that she knew she should be able to practically flatten pinched between her thumb and forefinger, yet she could barely make dents in them with her weak grip.

  She couldn’t walk by herself. Couldn’t even stand upright without assistance.

  If she was lucky, the nurse could get her to the bathroom in time to keep her from pissing or shitting herself. She hated the damned adult diapers. Sometimes, Tam didn’t signal her in enough time, though.

  She stared longingly at her guitars in the corner, her keyboard. The other instruments she’d usually kept in the living room were stored in her bedroom for space and to keep them safe, but Neil had told her about Mevi and Laurel coming to visit and play for her, how they’d left them out in case they or someone else wanted to use them. And because it was a reminder for them of her.

  She wondered how many people had seen her like this, in this condition.

  Internally, she struggled with a weird mix of anger that her life as she’d known it had been taken from her and she hadn’t been allowed to die, warring with gratitude that Neil had stood his ground in those early days and refused to let them let her go.

  Martina, one of the day nurses, assured Tam it was normal to feel overwhelmed by her emotions. That they could get her someone to talk to.

  Talking was the one thing she’d quickly regained the ability to do, fortunately, even if she sometimes couldn’t come up with the exact word she wanted.

  That was why she asked for more private chats with Doyle after the first one. They’d had four already, in the evenings, Mevi coming with him now for a brief visit and going out to the lanai with the nurse and Neil, and Dex, if he was home, to sit while she talked in private with Doyle. He warned her that, right now, her primary focus needed to be on her physical recovery and processing everything. That whatever she felt was valid. He warned her of anger and grief and that she might feel enraged one minute and laughing the next.

  That, as with every other part of her recovery, it would be a long series of baby steps to work through it. That it was all “normal.”

  Maybe in some other world, but not in her world. The irony that she was a submissive who hated feeling this out of control didn’t escape her.

  This wasn’t something she’d consented to.

  And she was glad to hear the criminal case and civil lawsuit were still progressing through the legal system.

  Maybe it made her a bad person, but she felt satisfaction to hear the other driver had lost a leg and would be facing a lot of jail time.

  At least he hadn’t lost a fucking year of his goddamned life.

  * * * *

  “Take it slow. Easy.”

  “I’ve got it, Neil,” Tamsin snapped, immediately regretting her tone when hurt flashed across his face from where he stood behind the therapist in front of her.

  Neil had insisted on taking the day off from work today, to go to the physical therapy appointment with her and Sarah.

  Tamsin wished he’d stayed at work.

  Taking a deep breath, she glanced his way and forced a smile. “Please, it’s okay. I have to do this.” They even had a bicycle helmet on her, which made her feel derpy as hell, but it wasn’t a fraction as humiliating as some of the punishments Neil had dealt out…before.

  If she could deal with her kinky damn Dom, she could deal with a bike helmet.

  Readjusting her grip on the handrails, Tamsin pulled herself up while the therapist sat on a rolling stool in front of her and held a wide cloth belt around Tamsin’s waist. Behind her, another therapist manned the wheelchair, keeping it close in case she needed to sit.

  It was eight weeks since her “return,” and she was desperate to try to regain as much independence as possible. At least she could sit up unassisted by herself now. And transfer from the bed into the wheelchair on her own. She could use a regular seat in the van instead of her wheelchair, as long as someone helped her in. In fact, Neil had got a smaller, folding wheelchair to use both in the house and when out at appointments, far more easy to manage than her large one.

  The feeding tube had been removed last week, and she’d never thought she’d savor basic foods like grits or macaroni and cheese as if they were gourmet treats.

  Never again would she take drinking a glass of water for granted.

  Because she needed to use the modified pool bath due to her limited mobility and needing the handrails around the toilet there, she still slept in the hospital bed in the living room. Although she’d asked Neil to get rid of the night nursing staff, he wouldn’t budge until the physical therapists were confident she was stable enough to transfer on her own reliably.

  Sometimes, she settled in one of the couch recliner sections, just because she could, and fell asleep watching TV.

  At least she’d convinced Neil that they didn’t need to sleep on the couch. The only drawback to that was she sometimes sat up at night, wondering what the men might be up to in bed.

  It was a “conversation” she hadn’t had with them yet, although she had broached it with Doyle.

  His suggestion was to dive right in and talk to them, but she wasn’t ready to do that. Not when she didn’t completely understand her feelings about the situation yet.

  Tamsin managed to make it to the end of the parallel bars before having to sit and take a break, the first time that she’d managed that feat. Neil knelt in front of her and handed her a bottle of water, a grin plastered across his face.

  “That was great, sweetheart!”

  Medical staff at her appointments frequently thought Neil was her husband. Not a hard mistake to make, when they wore wedding rings.

  It wasn’t like she could call Dex her fiancé any longer, though.

  Not when he was Neil’s husband.

  More limbo for her, not quite fitting into any world. The one she’d left behind would never return, and the one she’d awakened to still felt…foreign.

  Apparently news outlets wanted at her story, too.

  One problem—she had zero desire to talk, to be made into a spectacle. Especially when she knew inevitable questions would arise about Neil and Dex and how they got married.

  This was her life. Neil and Dex assured her they didn’t care what people said, because their jobs were secure, regardless. Maybe that was true, except she didn’t want people talking about her.

  The “miracle.”

  The “Sleeping Beauty.”

  Even with the media outlets offering her money she still didn’t want to talk. It was bad enough knowing so many people were fascinated by her simply because of what had happened to her, not who she was as a person. She refused to be mad
e into more of a medical curiosity than she already was. If doctors could use her case to help others, that was one thing.

  But she didn’t want to see herself on TV, clips played to infinity on the Internet.

  There were plenty of people out there worse off than her. She didn’t want people staring at her, the lady from TV. She had a hard enough time looking at herself in the mirror right now, still adjusting to her new reality.

  Knowing the stress and pain she’d put Neil and Dex through, rightly or wrongly, her fault or not.

  It was how she felt, and Doyle and everyone else told her whatever she felt was valid, because feelings just were.

  Doyle assured her that she was free to make whatever decision she wanted about giving interviews, and she definitely didn’t owe anyone any explanations.

  Guilt remained.

  Neil rested a hand on her knee. “Whatcha thinkin’, baby?” he quietly asked.

  She looked away from his blue gaze. In the beginning of their relationship, she’d definitely been “in love” with him. Not even a little—a lot. Even knowing he was gay and didn’t feel that way about her. It’d taken a while for her endorphins and dopamine and all that jazz to settle down in her brain and allow her to love and appreciate him for who he was and what they had—Dominant and submissive. But even more importantly, friends.

  Family.

  Now, just watching Neil and Dex interacting, she could see they loved each other.

  Were in love with each other.

  But where did she fit in there?

  Or did she fit in at all now?

  “I’m tired.”

  “You want to quit for the day? That was really great. End on a high note?”

  “Hell, no.” She took another sip of water. “I want to do this. I need to do this.”

  She handed him the bottle and then, with the therapists steadying her, she rose from the chair, turned around, and headed back down the parallel bars.

  No matter how hard this was, she was driven to recover as much as she could, as quickly as she could.

  If for no other reason than she wanted to be independent again.

  * * * *

  While she’d always thought it’d be hot to watch Dex and Neil together in bed, the first time the men broached the subject with her, asking if she wanted to start sleeping in bed with them, she’d burst into tears for reasons she didn’t even understand.

  Which had understandably freaked the men out and cock-blocked them without her meaning to, leaving her feeling guilty on top of everything else.

  But when they’d offered to start sleeping in separate beds, with Tamsin sleeping with Dex, she’d seen the sad look on their faces and knew that it wasn’t fair to deny them what they felt for each other. Unlike many of their friends from the Suncoast Society involved in poly triads with two men and a woman, instead of her being the pivot in their triad, it was Dex.

  Ditto her vetoing it when they offered to annul their marriage so she could marry Dex.

  No, this was working. It was working quite well for them, and she wasn’t about to screw that up. She got to spend the rest of her life with her best friend and the man she loved. Neil was as in love with Dex as she was—only a fool could miss that.

  Plus, only a selfish idiot would ignore the months of sacrifice and grief they’d gone through to take care of her when anyone else might have let her be taken care of by a rehab facility and hoped for the best. If they hadn’t brought her home and made sure she had the best of care, who knows if she’d have ever awakened?

  She was damn lucky.

  Fairy-tale lucky.

  The doctors warned about mood swings, depression—all side effects of the TBI and what she’d gone through.

  Determined to ride it out, once she focused on how much they loved her, practically moving heaven and earth to care for her, she was able to reframe the situation. The men insisted she focus on her.

  Well, selfishly, she knew she would like watching the two of them together in bed. It was just finding the right combo of events to not trigger her.

  It took her three days and another session with Doyle for her to finally approach them.

  “I want to sleep with you guys tonight.”

  “Are you sure, baby?” Dex asked.

  “Yeah.”

  Once again, Neil nearly broke her heart. “Would you feel better with just Dex?”

  She shook her head. “No. Both of you.”

  An hour later, they were snuggled in bed, her in the middle. They’d started talking, and then the next thing she knew, it was the middle of the night.

  And the men lay sound asleep on either side of her.

  Dammit.

  Sometimes at night that happened, especially if she’d had physical therapy that day, like today.

  She’d yawn, close her eyes for just a moment, and wake up hours later.

  At least she woke up.

  The next night, Dex was at work. So it was only her and Neil in bed together. He cuddled her against him as they watched TV, Neil not forcing her to talk.

  “Tell me about the first time you two made love,” she finally asked.

  * * * *

  Neil had expected any number of questions from her, except that one.

  “How much do you want to know?”

  “Everything.”

  Not feeling very proud of himself, he told her. When he finished, she lay there, quietly processing.

  “You really took the belt to him?”

  “I did.”

  “When do I get the belt again?”

  “Ooooh, no, you don’t. That conversation has to happen with Dex present, and not anytime soon. I am not comfortable doing that with you right now. In a few months, depending on how you recover, and what the doctor says, maybe.”

  He didn’t interrupt her while she seemed to be processing that. “So we’re not going to play again?”

  “That’s not what I said, baby brat. You asked about the belt. And by belt I’m lumping impact play in there.”

  “What about other stuff?”

  “Such as?”

  “You don’t put my collar or cuffs on me anymore.”

  “You wear your day collar.” She also wore her engagement ring again, the splints now off her hands, although she still needed the leg splints for walking right now.

  “I meant my leather collar and cuffs.”

  He studied her. Tonight she was dressed in an oversized T-shirt and panties.

  “You want them?”

  She nodded.

  He left the bed and walked down the hall to her bedroom. They were where he’d put them in the days after the accident, in the top drawer of her dresser. He carried them back to the bedroom and stood at the end of the bed.

  “Someone needs to do something for me before I put them on her.”

  “What, Sir?”

  “I need you to be honest with me. Are you really okay with me and Dex?”

  “You promise no one else?”

  “No one else, baby. Just him and you.”

  She nodded. “Yes, Sir.”

  He climbed onto the bed and buckled the cuffs and collar onto her. Then he held her close, the way they’d used to frequently cuddle…before.

  “Thank you, Sir.”

  He kissed the top of her head. “You’re welcome, baby brat.”

  * * * *

  Dexter was home the next night. This time, she had a request, and she didn’t want to fall asleep and miss anything.

  “I want to see you two together.”

  “What about you?”

  “What about me?”

  Dex looked at Neil. “Help?”

  “No, I’m having fun watching this,” he said. “You’re doing fine.”

  Dex returned his focus to her. “Don’t you want me to…make love to you?”

  That was a mixed bag. She hated the sight of herself naked, the scars on her body. It was one more thing she’d have to work on, but her physical recovery took priority. />
  And tonight, she wasn’t sure she had the stamina or desire to be taken care of.

  “You guys first,” she said.

  They acted a little clueless, hesitant, a couple of false starts before Neil finally held up his hands. “Rock paper scissors for pitching and catching?”

  “Neil on top,” she quietly said.

  “Answers that question.” Dex stretched out next to her on the bed. She rolled onto her side and kissed him, glancing down his body to see Neil go down on him.

  Dex moaned, his body tensing, and a wave of emotions washed over her.

  These were sounds she knew well, usually the one making him make them.

  She was horny…and she wasn’t. She wasn’t on as many meds as she had been before, but the ones she still took played havoc with her body in some ways.

  As Neil worshipped Dex’s cock, she thought about that one night between her and Neil.

  She was no dummy. She hadn’t done much for him.

  But right now, she could see how eager he was for Dex, and how eager Dex was for him.

  Reaching down, she pinched both of Dex’s nipples, hard, tripping him over the edge. He reached down and held Neil’s head as he came, thrusting his hips to meet Neil’s mouth stroke for stroke.

  Finally, Neil sat up, smiling. “Baby brat played dirty, huh?” He pointed at her and the head of the bed. “Scoot up there.”

  “Huh?”

  He snapped his fingers at her, the Dom in the house. “Did I stutter? Get up there.” He reached down and pulled Dex up, kissing him before turning him around, onto his hands and knees. “This has been one of my greatest fantasies right here. Get those panties off her.”

  She held out a hand. “I-I don’t know if I can.”

  “Is that a red, baby?” Neil asked.

  “No, Sir, but—”

  “Either red, or panties off. Now. You can keep your shirt on. I know you’re feeling self-conscious.”

  Of course he had. Duh. This was Neil, the guy who seemed to know the inside of her brain better than she did.

  Well, he had, before…

  She helped Dex slide her panties off, and Neil grabbed him by the hair and shoved his face into her pussy. “Get in there and relearn the territory, buddy. I have an ass to fuck.”