The Reluctant Dom Read online

  * * * *

  Christmas morning, Seth awoke and held his breath as he watched Kaden’s face. Kaden’s chest rose as he took a breath.

  Seth closed his eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. Thank you, Jesus.

  Any day but today. They’d made it through Leah’s birthday. If they could at least make it until December twenty-sixth that was fine with him. After that…

  After that, every day was numbered. Kaden refused doctor-recommended IV fluids and nutrients that would keep him going a little longer. He was down to water, broth, and pediatric electrolyte solution. The lever had dropped to the lower end on Seth’s mental gauge. Nearly pegged out at E.

  Black.

  He silently prayed for any time after January first and suspected that might be pushing their luck. It would be far easier on Leah emotionally to handle Kaden’s death on a date at the beginning of the year rather than at the end.

  She was in the kitchen fixing Seth’s coffee the morning of December twenty-eighth when Kaden turned in bed and looked at him. “You know where all the paperwork is, right?”

  Seth nodded. “Yeah.”

  “DNR?”

  Seth nodded.

  “Okay.” He reached for the remote and turned on the TV. “I think you’ll be making the call pretty soon.”

  Seth’s heart chilled. “Not yet. Please.”

  Kaden’s wan smile didn’t reassure him. “I know. I’m trying to hang on until after New Year’s.”

  “That’s fucking spooky, dude. Reading my mind again.”

  “It’s logical. I don’t want to ruin this time of year for her or you. That would suck.”

  “You’re a piece of work, you know that?”

  Kaden smiled a little broader, reached over and patted Seth’s arm. “You say that now. But brother, you ain’t seen nothing yet.”

  Seth didn’t know if he even wanted to ponder what was in store.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Another prayer answered—Kaden quietly celebrated New Year’s with him and Leah alone at home, although they all drank white grape juice and not champagne at Leah’s insistence.

  Kaden, of course, smiled and let her have her way.

  But he barely sipped his. Seth took the glasses away before Leah could see Kaden hadn’t really drank any.

  On January third, Seth closed the door to Kaden’s study before making the phone call he dreaded. Everything had been arranged in advance. Starting tomorrow, the hospice nursing staff would be on hand to help.

  Kaden called Tony and asked him to stop by. When he arrived, Kaden asked for some private time to talk with him. Seth took Leah out to the backyard and held her as they sat under an oak tree.

  She couldn’t cry.

  Twenty minutes later, Tony walked out to them. “How are you two doing?”

  Seth nodded. “Hanging in there.”

  Tony crouched down and started to reach out to Leah. She sat with her eyes closed and her head tucked against Seth’s shoulder. Tony met Seth’s gaze. Seth finally realized what he wanted. He nodded.

  Tony gently touched her arm. “If you guys need anything, no matter what, and I’m talking not even…the other stuff. Anything I can do, please don’t hesitate to call me, day or night. Okay?” Tony was one of the few people Seth knew really meant it, not just spouting meaningless bullshit he had no intention following through on.

  She nodded without opening her eyes. “Thank you,” she whispered.

  Seth felt it, the dulling down Kaden had warned him of. Beyond exhaustion and grief, something more, something deeper, like a hard shell forming around her.

  After Tony left, Seth helped Leah to her feet. He kept an arm around her waist, afraid she might fall.

  Kaden was sitting up in bed. He had his glasses on and watched TV. Leah immediately curled up in bed beside him, tucking her head against his side, where she spent most of her time now.

  Kaden reached over and stroked her hair. “Hey, beautiful.”

  “Hi, handsome.”

  Seth leaned in the doorway. “Honey, can I make you any dinner?”

  She shook her head.

  The strength in Kaden’s voice surprised Seth. “Leah, you will eat a bowl of soup or I will send you out to the kitchen.”

  Eventually, she nodded. “Thank you, Sir,” she whispered. “I’ll take a bowl of soup, please.”

  Kaden stroked her hair again. “Good girl, love.”

  Seth fixed her a bowl of soup and brought it to her. He sat on her other side and watched her eat it, making sure she finished every drop.

  When she finished she immediately curled against Kaden’s side again. He looked tired, haggard. The weight loss was especially hard to witness, and why Seth suspected Kaden always insisted on wearing loose T-shirts now. The sight of his bones pressing against his flesh was almost painful to look at.

  No matter what, Kaden still tried to make this easy on them. Forever a control freak.

  Kaden carefully rolled to his side and curled his arm around her. “Love, you need a session tonight with Sir.”

  She shook her head and clutched his T-shirt in her fingers. “No. I want to stay here with You.”

  “You can come back to Me after you have a session, love.”

  “Please don’t make me go right now.”

  He nuzzled the top of her head. “No, not right now. Later. All right?”

  “All right.”

  Seth couldn’t guess how much longer they had. The fact that it was nearly impossible for Kaden to keep down anything, including water, wasn’t a good sign.

  * * * *

  Ed had been another call to make. He stopped by the house every morning and evening. Seth fully appreciated Kaden’s planning now. He would have a hard enough time functioning, plus keeping Leah safe, without trying to deal with everything else.

  Thank God for that.

  The hospice nursing staff was excellent. Having been fully briefed ahead of time by Ed and Kaden, no explanations for Seth’s relationship was necessary.

  Seth and Leah rarely left Kaden’s side. Seth timed her sessions to coincide with the nursing shift changes. They were quick and with very little ritual. Just enough to keep her with them.

  Just enough to keep her crying.

  Every time Seth woke up, his first action was to look at Kaden. Seth was unable to sleep more than an hour or so at a time, the slightest sound or movement from either Leah or Kaden jolting him awake and aware.

  They were down to waiting.

  Seth realized that with the den door closed, the nurse couldn’t hear if he used the crop on Leah. He started carrying her into the den, giving her a superquick session, and immediately forcing her to eat something while she was still responsive enough to not fight him. All usually in the space of ten minutes, then she was back in bed with her fingers laced through Kaden’s.

  How much longer could he hold on?

  How much longer could Leah hold on?

  While the previous months seemed to fly by too fast, the minutes now crawled, every tick of the clock an agony. He didn’t want Kaden to die. He didn’t want to lose his friend. He wanted to put off the inevitable as long as possible.

  But he also couldn’t stand seeing his friend’s obvious pain. How he’d made it all this time without using anything but minimal pain meds toward the very end. Seth couldn’t believe it.

  Then again, that was Kaden, the ultimate control freak. Why should his death be any different than his life?

  * * * *

  On the eighth afternoon after hospice started, Seth sensed the change in Kaden’s breathing, knew the nurse did but wasn’t sure if Leah understood. He touched Kaden’s arm.

  His friend opened his eyes and sadly nodded. He licked his cracked lips. “Can the three of us be alone for a minute?” he whispered.

  The nurse kindly smiled and left the room.

  Leah sat up and held his hand. “Can I get you anything, Master?”

  He nodded. “You need to do something for Me, love.”

  “What?”

  Kaden removed his wedding band and held it up. He looked at Seth. “Give me your left hand.”

  Confused, Seth did.

  “Slave, take his hand,” Kaden ordered.

  Leah choked back a sob, but did as he commanded.

  Kaden looked at Seth and nodded, then slipped his wedding band onto Seth’s left ring finger. He took the engraved band off his right hand and put it on Seth’s right hand, on the same finger as the other one.

  They were the only pieces of jewelry Kaden ever wore.

  He curled his fingers around their clasped hands and gently squeezed. “Slave, behold your Master. I swear to you, He will protect you, He will care for you, and He will never lie to you.”

  Seth nodded. “I promise.”

  Kaden looked at her. “Slave, you will obey your Master. You will take what I have taught you, and you will make Me proud. Your behavior still reflects upon Me and what I have taught you. This is what I order you to do.”

  She nodded, large tears running down her face. “I promise,” she whispered.

  “Love each other.”

  They nodded.

  “I love you, Leah. I will always love you, babe. You’ve been a wonderful slave, and you’ve been the best wife I could have ever prayed for. I’ve been the luckiest guy on the planet.”

  She nodded and touched her forehead to his. “I love you so much,” she whispered. “I’m always going to love you.”

  “I know. But you need to love Seth now.”

  She nodded. “I will.”

  He looked at Seth. “I love you, man.”

  “I love you, too…”

  “But I’m still not doing you,” Kaden completed.

  That finished Seth. He sobbed. He leaned forward and kissed his friend. “I wish I was you right now.”

  “I know. It’s okay.”

  Kaden motioned Leah to lie with him. He kissed her and let out a sigh. “I love you, babe. I wish I could keep saying it to you. It doesn’t seem like enough.”

  “I know you love me. I love you. I love you so much.”

  He patted the bed beside him. “I won’t think you’re trying to do me if you lie here with me, buddy.”

  Seth harshly laughed. He carefully curled up next to Kaden, trying to ignore how fragile and bony his friend’s body felt against his.

  Kaden closed his eyes and pulled Seth and Leah’s arms around him so he was holding their hands. “I love you, buddy. And I love you, babe. I think I’m going to go to sleep now. I’m really, really tired.” Seth heard how weak Kaden sounded, knew it was time.

  Leah continued whispering to him, over and over, that she loved him. Seth saw his weak smile. “It’s okay, babe. I love you, too. Both of you. Never forget how much I love you.” Kaden whispered.

  She kissed Kaden again.

  Seth counted the seconds between each breath. They grew longer, weaker.

  Eventually, Kaden drew in a breath, let it out.

  Seth held his breath, waiting.

  He felt the tension relax in Kaden’s body.

  Seth closed his eyes and pressed his lips to Kaden’s forehead. “Go in peace, man,” he whispered.

  The nurse appeared in the doorway a moment later and caught Seth’s eye. He nodded.

  She silently walked in around the bed, to Seth’s side.

  Leah’s eyes were closed, her lips silently moving.

  The nurse leaned in and touched her fingers to Kaden’s neck for a long moment since Leah still gripped his wrists. She took out her stethoscope and listened.

  She nodded, noted the time on her notepad, then left without comment to make her call.

  Seth wasn’t sure how long he should let Leah stay there. He had to call Ed, get that ball rolling, as Kaden had said. The undertakers would come to take Kaden’s body…

  He clamped his jaw shut and forced the sob back.

  To take Kaden away.

  Kaden’s orders, what he did reveal to Seth ahead of time, was that no one else, besides them and the nurse and undertakers and Ed and possibly Tony were to see him after he died. He’d already told his brother he didn’t want to be seen like that, said his good-byes so there weren’t any hard feelings later.

  He didn’t give a shit what Denise felt or thought.

  After thirty minutes, Seth carefully got out of bed and walked to the doorway. The nurse stood just outside, watching. He leaned in close.

  “How long should I let her stay with him?”

  She smiled kindly. “As long as you think she needs.”

  He motioned for her pad and wrote Ed’s name and number. “Can you please call him for me? Tell him.”

  She nodded and went to do it.

  Seth walked back to the bed and curled around Leah. Kaden looked peaceful, out of pain.

  Leah’s body felt rigid. She still silently moved her lips, something he’d never seen her do before.

  Ed arrived twenty minutes later and stood in the doorway, waiting until Seth turned to him.

  Seth got out of bed again and went to talk to him.

  “How long ago?” Ed asked.

  Seth looked at the nurse. “Nearly an hour,” she answered.

  “His orders were to not let her stay longer than ninety minutes. If the funeral home arrives sooner, try to get her out sooner. Try not to let her see them.”

  Seth nodded and returned to Leah, his grief sliding to the back of his mind.

  Kaden’s orders.

  He would follow them to the letter.

  Seth wrapped his arms around her from behind, and she still felt like a board against him. She held Kaden’s hands, stared at him, wouldn’t let go, her fingers stroking his.

  Still silently talking to him.

  “Babe, I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

  Leah moaned. She closed her eyes and a deep, gut-wrenching moan escaped her. He worried she might start screaming, but that was the only sound she made, like a howling wind over a rolling hillside. Over and over she moaned while Seth gently rocked her in his arms. Her body eventually relaxed a little against him while the moaning continued.

  His heart broke for her. Was this a glimpse of the woman Kaden saw that afternoon when she finally confessed her past to him? The raw anguish?

  It wasn’t fair. She had to go through so much shit in her life, and now this on top of everything. Losing the man who saved her life.

  How could he ever hope to measure up to Kaden in her heart?

  Eventually her moans dissolved into silent, hitching gasps. She kissed Kaden’s hands and face.

  Seth was aware of Ed and the nurse quickly moving away from the doorway. Seth sensed he needed to get Leah out of there, and soon.

  “Babe, it’s time.”

  “Noooooooooo!”

  He closed his eyes and strengthened his grip around her. “Love, Master has given us orders to follow. Remember your promise.”

  She sobbed and went limp in Seth’s arms. She kissed Kaden’s lips one last time, stroked his hair. “I love you,” she whispered.

  Then she let Seth carry her to the den.

  Ed followed them and stood in the doorway. Seth was aware of the nurse letting someone into the house, followed by two low, unfamiliar male voices. A metallic rattle, like a stretcher being rolled through the front door and across the tile floor.

  Leah trembled in his arms, curled nearly in a fetal position, but her tears had stopped.

  That frightened him.

  Seth pressed his lips to her ear. “Love, do you need to feel the bite?”

  She nodded but didn’t speak.

  He shifted position on the sofa, his back to the doorway. He slipped one hand up the outside of her leg, under her shorts.

  “Count,” he whispered. He pinched her, as hard as he could, on the inside of her thigh. Leaving a bruise was the least of his concerns, but he knew he couldn’t take her to the playroom right then.

  After a long moment, she whispered, “One.”

  “Very good, love. Again.” He pinched her again.

  “Two.”

  He did it a total of ten times until, finally, tears slid down her face. She buried her face against his shoulder and sobbed.

  “Do you want to see him one last time?” Seth asked.

  “What did Master want?” she whispered.

  Seth looked at Ed.

  Ed shook his head.

  “Okay. We’ll sit here for a while longer, love,” Seth said. “Let’s just sit here and wait for a while.”

  Leah clung to Seth. “Thank you, Master,” she whispered.

  Seth held her tightly against him, his face buried in her hair, and cried his own silent tears.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Ed’s orders were to stay all night with them and, if necessary, help Seth take Leah to the hospital to have her forcibly sedated. It would be Seth’s call if they had to go that far. If so, Seth was to use his power of attorney to do it. Kaden had already talked with their family doctor to assist Seth if it was the course of action needed.

  Seth didn’t think it was necessary—yet—but he was glad Kaden had thought that far ahead.

  Ed waited until Leah cried herself to sleep in Seth’s arms to hand him an index card with Kaden’s writing on it.

  1 - Day Of

  Keep her crying. Your only job for the next twenty-four hours is to feed her, keep fluids in her, hold her, and keep her crying if she’s awake and starts to dull down. To take care of her. Do not leave her alone, do not let her out of your sight, not even for her to go to the bathroom. When you have to go, make sure Ed or Tony stands watch over her. Ed will take care of getting the arrangements in order, make the phone calls, and guide you through the process. Tony will come by to stand watch while you sleep in case she gets up without waking you. You’ve got to be fucking exhausted by now. I’m so sorry, brother. Thank you for staying with me until the end.

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