Reconsider Me Read online

  “This is Joel,” Jake said to the cutie.

  Joel stuck his hand out. “Hi, nice to meet you.”

  “Fenton,” the guy said, meeting Joel’s gaze. “Nice to meet you, too.” He spoke quietly and from the gentle, light grip of Fenton’s hand, one thought smacked Joel upside the head.

  Jeez, if I stare at this guy too hard I’m gonna break him. How the hell am I supposed to play with him?

  * * * *

  Holy fucking shitballs on a buttered-up skillet, thank you, Universe!

  Was he drooling? Fen hoped he wasn’t drooling, because Joel’s gorgeous blue eyes had already hardened Fen’s cock before he even found out the guy’s last name. And he had firm, coarse hands likely to leave gorgeous bruises all over his ass that would last for days.

  Thank!

  You!

  “You can call me Fen,” he added, hoping the cutie didn’t think he was an idiot.

  Cutie-pie smiled down at him—

  And hot damn, yes, he’s fucking tall, too!

  —and Fen sighed when he grabbed the man’s hand again. “Let’s go talk alone, shall we? Or am I moving too fast?”

  He wanted to climb him and lick every square inch of him.

  That would definitely be moving too fast, as well as it was frowned upon in that establishment.

  Now at a private party where it was anything goes, sure…

  “Sure,” Joel said, his lips curving in an adorably sexy smile that in comparison made Tom uglier than a zombie extra in The Walking Dead.

  Tom? Tom who?

  Fen fought the urge to drag the guy behind him. He led him across the room and over to the new side, where no one was playing yet. They had several couches for aftercare over here, and it was one of those that Fen led him to.

  “So.” He offered Joel a smile, praying he wasn’t getting his hopes up for nothing. “Where would you like to start?”

  Joel shrugged, still smiling. “I’m thirty-eight, Dom. Been a while since I’ve had a long-term relationship, because I had a really bad experience with a guy who turned out to literally be batshit. I value my privacy and now I take my time. Nothing personal, but I don’t do random hook-ups, or jump into bed after one date. I’m strictly monogamous, too. Playing with others in the dungeon is one thing, but if I’m dating a guy, I stay faithful, and I expect the same respect in return.”

  Fen wanted to fall into his arms. Joel had a sweet, sort of deep, husky Southern drawl that finished hardening his cock. “I don’t do anal.”

  Horrified, Fen clapped a hand over his mouth and begged for a hole to open in the floor so he could swan dive right into it.

  That was not how he’d wanted to segue into that conversation. It’d simply spilled out of him.

  Now all he could do was pray he hadn’t tanked this right from the start.

  Chapter Six

  Joel wasn’t sure he’d heard Fen right, at first, over the sound of the music and how soft-spoken he was. “Sorry?”

  Meanwhile, Fen’s face had turned adorably red, and he’d clapped a hand over his mouth like he wished he could suck the words back into his mouth.

  Yet Joel patiently waited him out, curious.

  Fen eventually lowered his hand and took a deep breath. “I…sorry. I didn’t mean to blurt that out like that. It’s a hard limit. I don’t do anal. Receiving, at all. Sometimes I’ll do a few things giving, but…” He seemed at a loss where to go from that disclosure.

  “It’s my understanding sex isn’t allowed here at the club.”

  Fen stared down at his hands, but his focus quickly darted up to him before dropping again. “It’s not.”

  Joel shrugged. “Okay. Considering I have yet to play with or date a guy based upon his asshole, I think we’re good. Besides, sex isn’t on the table right now, anyway.”

  Fen didn’t exactly sit back, but from his tense posture, Joel could tell this man had been deeply hurt in the past. That triggered every protective instinct in Joel’s body to want to comfort and reassure Fen he would never break his trust.

  And as he remembered Jake’s earlier caution to him, Joel realized now he understood why this cutie was still single.

  My good luck, for a change.

  “But I mean…long-term,” Fen said. “I’m serious. No trying to convince me to try it with you once, or to do other things that might lead to full-on intercourse. Nothing.”

  “Okay. I’m fine with that.”

  Fen’s gaze narrowed, brow furrowing. “Lots of guys have told me that.”

  Joel remained cool and refused to get defensive, knowing he wasn’t the source of Fen’s fear and emotional pain. “I’m not lots of guys.”

  Fen tipped his head to the side, chin down as he stared up at Joel, almost like looking at him from a slightly different angle might make him see something he was missing. “Why are you okay agreeing to that? Nothing personal, but I’ve heard that before, plenty of times, and I’ve been burned every single time.”

  “The last two guys I was with, we never got as far as intercourse. One guy moved because of his job, and since I wasn’t going to uproot my life and move with him to California when we’d only known each other seven weeks, that ended. The other guy, we decided we had fun in bed, but we weren’t really compatible in a lot of ways and never crossed that line. With both guys, though, we had plenty of ways to get each other off and have a lot of fun in the process. So…yeah, I’m okay with that. I didn’t miss it then, and I doubt I’ll suddenly start missing it now.”

  Joel let the silence lay there for a while until Fen decided to break it.

  “Guy I broke up with this past week, he told me he was fine with it, too, when we started seeing each other. Then last week, he decided to tell me he wanted me to start ‘experimenting’ with some toys. That was after three months together. And he refused to drop it. He’d tried to push the issue a couple of times before, and I shut him down, but this time he was more persistent and I stopped giving him a pass.”

  “Then he’s an idiot. A hard limit is a hard limit. I don’t care if you say your hard limit is I don’t call you ‘boy.’ Or you can’t have me wearing a certain deodorant because it triggers an allergic reaction. Or you can’t be restrained. Or no jazz music during a scene. Whatever that hard limit is, I will never violate it. If it’s something I can’t accept, I don’t agree to play with the person, or have a relationship with them other than friends.”

  “I’m talking no fingers, no toys, no dick. Period.”

  Now he felt certain this was Fen’s issue with other guys, and Joel knew it needed to be addressed now. Otherwise, Fen would obsess on it and not believe his answer was genuine. “Okay, we’re jumping the gun, but let’s go ahead and go there. Rimming?”

  “I’m okay with that, giving and receiving. I mean, post-shower or swim, obviously.”

  “What about giving anal?”

  “Not fucking. Maybe toys or fingers. That’s a very shaky maybe. The circumstances would have to be right, but if I say no, that’s it.”

  “Oral, giving and receiving?”

  “Yes, and yes, please.” Fen finally smiled again, and Joel felt his heart give a thump in a way it never had. Fen was fucking adorable.

  “Any other sexual hard limits?” Joel asked.

  “Monogamous. Meaning no handjobs or kissing or oral or anything else with anyone else. And I need to see a current test result before unwrapped oral.”

  “Ditto on that. What about hard limits playing?”

  “I love a heavy, hard scene. Nothing that’ll mark me from the neck up or permanently disfigure me. No blood play on purpose. I don’t like humiliation, but if you insist on that in a scene, we can talk finer points. No watersports or scat, because, ew. Not trying to diss anyone’s kink, but definitely not my kink.”

  Joel thought he could sit and listen to him talk all night. His voice sounded naturally soft, had an adorable singsong quality to it. “You haven’t lost me yet. Keep talking.”

  Fen lean
ed in a little, his posture less tense than before. “Unless you’re an asshole and keep smacking me on my shin or kneecap or something, I’m not likely to safeword unless I get a leg cramp.” He nudged his glasses higher on his nose. “I know I look fragile, but believe me, I’m not. I’ve taken stuff from Tops some pain pigs had to tap out for. Playing hard and heavy is the only way I can get into subspace.”

  “You’ve never reached subspace without impact play?”

  Fen shook his head and Joel felt sorry for the guy. Yeah, he knew some people just couldn’t, but he’d seen plenty of people who could, and even had a couple of play partners in the past who could do it.

  “Rope?”

  “Oooh, yes, please. The tighter the better. I’m a squirmer. No breath play, though, although I do like having my throat held. But not choked.”

  They handled more negotiations, Joel asking about his health history and medical issues, aftercare, all the things he needed to know when playing with someone, especially for the first time. When he felt he’d covered all the ground he could, he finally asked the question.

  “Do you think you’d like to play with me tonight?”

  * * * *

  Fen stared up into his blue eyes. Who was he kidding? For tonight, at least, he was a goner.

  “Yeah.”

  “Then let me go grab my bag and we can talk some more.”

  He started to stand, but Fen grabbed his arm. “Talk?”

  “Yeah, talk. I want to go through my toybag with you so you can see what I’ve got. Pull anything out that you don’t want me to use tonight.”

  “Really?” He knew it wasn’t uncommon for the het Doms who played with women to do that, but he’d never had a gay Top he’d played with before make him that offer. Not on the first time playing together, although they’d take stuff out of rotation for future scenes that he found he didn’t like. He could always safeword mid-scene, but…

  Sigh.

  Maybe I’ve been a crappy Top-picker, too. Of course a good Top would do that, gay or het.

  Joel settled in again. “I don’t know what kind of guys you’ve been playing with, but I don’t like accidents or misunderstandings, especially when I can prevent them. It’s easier for me to leave you wanting more the next time we’re together than having to rebuild your trust after I’ve broken it.”

  “It’s usually not in the dungeon where I have problems with guys. It’s in the bedroom.”

  “Since sex isn’t on the table right now—”

  “You don’t want to have sex with me?” Fen clapped his hand over his mouth again. “Dammit,” he muttered from behind it. “Sorry. Apparently, I have a raging case of the dumbs tonight.”

  But Joel smiled. “Full honesty, right?”

  Still not moving his hand, Fen nodded.

  Joel leaned in a little and dropped his voice. “Sugar, if we’d already known each other for a little while, I think I’d have a hard time letting you out of my bed.”

  A shiver rippled through Fen. Still, he didn’t dare drop his hand yet. “Seriously?”

  “Seriously. Whether you still like me after we play is a different story.”

  Fen finally lowered his hand. “I need a damned good ass beating tonight.”

  “Marks are okay?”

  “Marks are preferred. I like remembering how I earned them.”

  Joel smiled and held up his keys. “Then how about I go get my bag from my car so we can keep talking about that?”

  Fifteen minutes later, Fen hadn’t taken anything out of play. Joel had some wicked looking implements in his bag that Fen couldn’t wait to see how they felt.

  Joel looked around and spied the area of MMA mats always available for use by people who wanted to do primal play or ropework on the floor. “Can we use those?”

  “Sure.” Fen wasn’t sure what Joel had in mind. While Joel picked up his bag and headed for the mats, Fen grabbed a fleece throw and a couple of towels from the rack of them provided for use free by the club and followed him.

  Joel sat and removed his boots, setting them next to the mat. Then he smiled, patting the mat next to him. Fen spread the blanket out, but before he kicked off his shoes, he realized he hadn’t addressed something.

  “Oh. Did you want me to get undressed?”

  “That’s up to you. How do you usually play?”

  “Naked.”

  * * * *

  Joel wished he’d gone with the khakis now. His cock was screaming in his jeans, uncomfortably wedged against his fly and to move and adjust himself right then would be obvious.

  He swallowed hard and nodded. “Okay.” Joel hoped it hadn’t come out as a squeak.

  “Let me grab us a couple of bottles of water real fast, too. And a couple of cookies or something for aftercare.”

  Oh, thank you! “Sure. Thanks.”

  As soon as Fen crossed through to the other side, Joel winced and got his willful cock adjusted to a less painful position.

  If he was this hard now, after negotiating to play with Fen, he could only imagine the raging boner he’d have by the time he drove himself home later.

  I’ll be rubbing out a couple tonight.

  Fen returned, kicking off his shoes before stepping onto the mats, setting the three bottles of water and the paper plate of chocolate chip cookies out of the way to the side.

  And then he started stripping.

  Joel hoped he wasn’t drooling. Sure, the guy was thin, but with his clothes off, Joel could see his lean, sinewy muscles.

  While his cock was thin, it was close to eight inches long.

  Joel knew this, because Fen was semi-erect.

  He sat cross-legged in front of Joel, a sexy smirk on his face. “Oh, these.” Fen removed his glasses, folded them, and tucked them into one of his shoes. “There. I’m all yours.”

  You will be.

  Wait, what?

  Joel took another breath to buy him a second to process the phantom thought that had popped into his mind out of nowhere.

  Dammit, he wanted him. He wanted to throw caution to the wind and—

  Wait, we just fucking met!

  Then again, the Frightful Five had seen fit to pair them together. This wasn’t another Johnny whom Joel had zero clue about the guy’s past.

  “Then let’s get started,” Joel finally said, reaching for a coil of hemp rope after setting a rope cutter and pair of paramedic scissors off to the side where he could easily reach them in case he needed them.

  Chapter Seven

  Fen loved rope, loved everything about it. When done well, strict and properly tied so he couldn’t squirm free, it felt amazing against his body. He wasn’t a contortionist, but doing yoga had given him good flexibility. In fact, he took classes at the same studio where Scrye’s wife, June, taught classes.

  Joel started by tying Fen’s arms behind him. Fen flexed and took a deep breath as Joel started wrapping rope around him, a trick he’d learned years ago to keep rope harnesses looser. That’s why it surprised him when he breathed out and Joel jerked it tighter.

  Joel leaned in and whispered in Fen’s left ear. “Used to have a horse when I was growing up who’d do that, too.”

  Fen couldn’t help it, he started laughing, caught totally off-guard. That allowed Joel even more opportunity to snug the ropes tighter around him.

  “You did warn me you were a squirmer,” Joel said. “I like a challenge.”

  Fen cast a glance behind him at the man. He wore a playfully intense gaze, his blue eyes dark in this light, like deep ocean waters.

  They talked while Joel tied, and Fen felt himself relaxing even more. He sensed Joel was as cautious with his heart as Fen was, probably for different reasons though. But Fen was careful not to stray too deep into personal topics yet, not wanting to know too much about this guy in case he decided he didn’t want to take things farther with him than tonight.

  It would be easier not knowing much about him.

  Not forming an attachment.


  Although that was damned difficult already. His fucking cock would not soften, the feel of Joel’s hands on him making Fen crave more with him.

  After immobilizing him, Joel had Fen try to get free. Unlike some riggers he’d played with, Joel wasn’t just fooling around. It wasn’t a tie Fen could stay in for hours, but he definitely wasn’t getting loose without assistance.

  Joel flipped Fen onto his stomach and started tying his ankles to his thighs in a modified hogtie. Once that was done, he let Fen try to squirm free and Fen realized after only a minute that it wouldn’t be possible.

  “Uncle.” He smiled. “Good job, you.”

  “Ready for more?”

  “More?”

  Joel pulled a small, lightweight acrylic paddle from his bag. “More.”

  Fen’s heart thudded in his chest. “Yes, please!”

  Joel draped one of the towels over his jeans before manhandling Fen over his lap. That alone practically made Fen swoon, that the guy could pick him up and move him around.

  Rrrrwaor!

  Few things could melt him like that, a guy he trusted who could immobilize him and have his way with him.

  Something he’d had far too few episodes of, unfortunately.

  He couldn’t resist rubbing himself against Joel’s legs, either. Joel grabbed Fen’s ass cheeks with both hands and squeezed, hard, fingers digging in and finally making Fen draw a sharp hiss of pain.

  “Color?”

  “Green.” Fen closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and shocked to feel swirls of subspace already teasing him.

  Shit.

  Had he relaxed that much with the guy so soon?

  Apparently so.

  “FYI,” Fen said, before he lost the ability to speak coherently, “no sex doesn’t mean you can’t grope or feel around. So…feel free.”

  “I just might.” A fist grabbed Fen’s hair and pulled his head back. Joel pressed his cheek against Fen’s. “Who’s gonna be a good boy for me tonight?” His deep, raspy drawl raked across every nerve ending in Fen’s soul and tugged on strings apparently connected directly to his now aching cock.