Vulnerable Read online

  Then Leo pulled in. When he got out of his car, Jesse felt like running over to him and throwing himself into the man’s arms.

  Fuck. Where the hell is my goddamned brain?

  Shaking it off, he offered up what he hoped wasn’t too damn goofy a smile when Leo joined him, soon followed by Keith, who carried a small implement bag.

  “Ready?” Jesse asked Leo.

  “Will it bother you if I say I’m nervous as hell?” Leo asked.

  Keith laughed as he reached for the door handle. “Actually, it would bother the hell out of me if you said you weren’t.”

  * * * *

  Venture’s office looked pretty much like it had in pictures on the website, only more…normal.

  A lot more normal.

  Well, other than the BDSM implements for sale on the walls.

  Leo produced his driver’s license and the cash for his membership fee, filled out the form, and in less than ten minutes he was on his way inside with Keith and Jesse promising to make sure they went over all the rules with him. Leo had also talked with Tony over dinner, who was already inside and DMing that night. Tony had left word with the volunteer at the desk that Leo could bypass the usual orientation.

  Nervous didn’t begin to describe how Leo felt as he followed Jesse and Keith through the door and into…

  He felt sure the record screech in his brain had to be audible. The house lights were up, making it bright. About fifteen people were gathered around a man and a woman at a large, red metal A-frame. The man had the woman suspended from it and was apparently explaining to everyone what he was doing.

  Keith leaned in. “Oh, yeah. I forgot. They had a suspension class earlier. They’re probably just finishing up.”

  Leo tried to take everything in. To their right lay tables and chairs in what was obviously a social area. To their left, the large A-frame and other pieces of bondage equipment. Then, through a large doorway past that, what looked to be another room of bondage equipment, that one with the lights dimmed.

  He followed Keith over to one of the tables in the social area, where he indicated for Leo and Jesse to sit.

  “We went over the basic rules with you at dinner,” Keith said, “but just as a reminder, let’s cover them again. No means no, red means red, or stop. Don’t touch anyone or anything that’s not yours, and don’t take it personally if someone doesn’t want to hug you or shake your hand, because you don’t know what their protocols are. Don’t interrupt a scene, no sex, drugs, or alcohol allowed, and only vaping allowed inside. If you’re a smoker, you’ll need to go outside.”

  “I don’t smoke,” Leo said.

  “Perfect,” Keith said. He then pointed out the various areas of the club, including an upstairs area for medical play that Leo hadn’t noticed at first, told him where the bathrooms were, and explained what some of the different equipment was used for, all of that.

  The man they were watching had apparently finished and was lowering the woman to the floor. Tony walked to the kitchen area, opened a breaker panel, and the house lights went down, replaced by area mood lighting.

  “That’s better,” Keith said.

  Now it started to look a little more like a dungeon. The faux-finish rock walls blended into the dim light and added atmosphere to the setting. Someone turned the music up a little louder, and from the large doorway he heard a loud crack, followed by a moan.

  “Sounds like a paddle,” Keith said with a smile.

  “You can tell?”

  He shrugged. “It’s a blessing and a curse. You get to know what implements sound like.”

  “Do people use whips and stuff?”

  “Yeah, but we don’t let them crack them repeatedly during open play nights. It kills people’s hearing and it’s annoying as shit. We have regular whip night sessions here where they can crack to their heart’s content.”

  “Ah.”

  “The skill of using a whip isn’t in making it crack. It’s being able to use it on a person exactly the way you want it, where you want it, without harming them.”

  “I think I’ll wait a while before I try anything that advanced.”

  Jesse smiled. “Smart.”

  “Bare-handed is always easiest to start with,” Keith said. “You’ll rarely harm someone with a bare-handed spanking.”

  The thought of having Jesse naked and squirming across his lap while spanking him hardened Leo’s cock again.

  Only when Jesse met his gaze did he realize he’d been staring, and was glad the lights had been dimmed so the other two men couldn’t spot the way his face had heated.

  Jesse cocked his head. “Would you like to watch a few people play before trying something?”

  Leo nodded. “Yeah. I think that would be safest.”

  “It’s okay to feel overwhelmed,” Keith said. “That’s very common. You see everything in front of you, sometimes nearly exactly out of your fantasies, and it takes a while to process that not only do people actually do this shit, but you can do it, too.”

  “And there’s nothing wrong with you for wanting to do it, either,” Jesse assured him.

  Leo licked his lips. “It’s kind of creepy that both of you are reading my mind like that.”

  The two men smiled. “No mind reading, I assure you,” Keith said. “You are far from the first person to be exactly in your situation, new, learning, and trying to reconcile all of this with how you were raised. Especially in your situation,” he added. “You were raised not to hit women, that violence is wrong, that only bad people hit other people. Right?”

  Leo slowly nodded. That had been part of his secret shame for so many years, that he longed to spank Eva, especially during the times when she’d frustrated the crap out of him by dumping all responsibility for the relationship on him.

  But sometimes those kinds of fantasies were the only ones that got him over when making love to her.

  Jesse leaned in close, those gorgeous, rich brown eyes staring up into his. He reached out and laid a hand over Leo’s. “I’m a masochist. I like—I need this in my life. Even more importantly, I want it. As long as you stop if I say red, and you don’t violate my hard limits, you’ll do fine.”

  “See, I’m so new I don’t even understand hard limits. I don’t know what my limits are.”

  Keith interjected. “Start by defining a few things you want to do. Because it’s too damn easy, especially in the beginning, to miss listing things you don’t want to do, because you don’t even think of them as things that can be done. Get it?”

  “Yeah.”

  Jesse hadn’t moved his hand. Leo laid his other one over Jesse’s, enjoying the smile Jesse gave him in return.

  “For tonight,” Jesse said, “if you want to, I’m okay with you giving me a bare-handed spanking, or using some implements on me like a paddle or a riding crop. Maybe not a cane, not tonight. Not until you’ve had some practice.”

  “I brought the beginner bag,” Keith joked. “Fluffy bunny stuff.”

  Jesse stuck his tongue out at the man and Leo wanted to grab him, kiss him, and suck Jesse’s tongue into his own mouth. Wanted to tongue-fuck him.

  His cock ached, painfully hard, at the thought.

  Hell, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d gotten this hard for Eva.

  Actually, if he was being honest with himself, he’d never gotten this hard for Eva. There were plenty of nights where he’d claimed he was tired when he’d gotten soft pretty fast and had to help her get off in other ways.

  “A good Top,” Keith said, “will usually stop long before the bottom wants them to. A skilled Top, especially one who plays with the same partner a lot, gets good at reading body language and learning how to take the bottom right up to the edge before they’d safeword and keeping them at that edge.”

  “And I need aftercare if we’re going to play,” Jesse added.

  This felt almost as intense as his conversation with Laurel last weekend, where she’d had him spinning in circles. “Aftercare?�
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  “Cuddling,” Jesse clarified. “Some Tops don’t do aftercare. That’s part of negotiations. I need aftercare. When I’m done with a scene, I want to sit and cuddle for a little while with my Top and just be quiet and process everything.”

  Leo’s throat dried up. An excuse to have this man in his arms?

  Sure. “I can do that,” he hoarsely said.

  Jesse smiled. “I don’t mind being naked when you play with me. As long as you promise not to whack me in the balls.”

  Leo cringed. “I promise I won’t. Well, not intentionally.”

  “You can even feel me up while we’re playing, if you’d like.”

  Keith cleared his throat, but Jesse looked at him. “Tilly doesn’t do that with me because we’re not involved with each other. That’s by mutual decision. I didn’t say he had to feel me up.”

  Keith rolled his eyes. “Be sure to explain ‘topping from the bottom’ to him before you do too much of it.” Keith focused on Leo. “Orgasm play on guys is a little different than it is with women. Make sure to wrap him first if you guys get that far. Biohazard containment. Some of the women are known squirters. They make them put puppy pads down on the floor before they play to help contain things.”

  “Oh.” The thought of wrapping his hands around Jesse’s cock made his own cock throb in response. “I thought sex wasn’t allowed.”

  “It’s not,” Keith said. “But orgasm play with hands and vibrators is allowed.” He arched an eyebrow at Jesse. “Maybe let’s show him some basic impact play before you start talking about orgasm play.”

  “So says the man with a wife and a slave to keep him satisfied,” Jesse muttered.

  Keith looked like he wanted to reach over and grab a hank of Jesse’s hair. Instinctively, Leo did it for him, fisting Jesse’s hair and tipping his head back.

  Jesse’s eyes widened as Leo leaned in. “What did you say to him?” Leo quietly asked in the tone of voice he’d struggled to never use on Eva.

  Ever.

  Jesse’s lips parted. “I’m sorry, Sir.”

  Leo couldn’t help it. He leaned in and kissed Jesse, enjoying the way the man reached out, grabbed onto him, and desperately pulled his body against Leo’s. It was so fucking different than kissing Eva. He hadn’t even kissed the two guys he’d had encounters with.

  This…

  He felt Jesse’s moan through his mouth, his lips, wanted to sit there all night just kissing him and knew if he was ever going to learn anything—and not have his cock explode in his pants from how fucking hot this was—he’d need to let go of Jesse.

  He lifted his lips from Jesse’s. “Good boy,” he whispered.

  There was a definite glaze in Jesse’s eyes.

  “Holy fuck,” Keith muttered. “That was fucking hot. You just got my cock hard from watching that. I don’t think you’ll have a damn problem dropping your boy into subspace.”

  Leo didn’t break eye contact with Jesse. “I promise I won’t violate your hard limits,” he said. “And if you ever ask me to stop, I will. I promise I’ll learn what you teach me, but I’m going to be honest. Now that I know what I am is okay, and it’s out of its cage, it’s not going back in there. I’m done lying to myself. Are you going to be able to handle me?”

  Jesse nodded as well as he could with Leo still fisting his hair. “Yes, Sir.”

  This time, Leo pressed a tender kiss to Jesse’s forehead as he released the man’s hair and smoothed it back into place. “Then let’s let Keith start my first lesson.”

  Jesse hadn’t let go of him. “I’m not asking for marriage or anything, but just to clarify. For the time being, unless we discuss it and decide otherwise, it’s just you and me for play and…for whatever else we decide to do in the future. Right?”

  “Except for people showing me how to do stuff?”

  “Yeah. I don’t mean that.”

  He’d love to meet the asshole who’d fucked this guy over and punch him.

  Hell, what was one more asshole added to that mental list, the list of people he’d love a few minutes alone in a room with and no worries about prosecution afterward.

  Leo leaned in again and kissed Jesse on the lips. A light kiss this time, one that had Jesse following him when he lifted his lips from Jesse’s. “I told you, I’m monogamous, and I don’t share. If we discover this isn’t going to work out between us, we’ll part ways as friends, I hope.”

  Jesse nodded. “I’m hoping we don’t have to part ways at all.”

  “Me, too.”

  Chapter Ten

  Between Leo grabbing his hair and the kiss…Jesse would have to check, but he might have a really big wet spot inside his briefs.

  If anyone else had tried a move like that on him, he would have hauled off and smacked them. Not even Tilly did that to him. Okay, yeah, a little in play, during a scene, she would cuff the back of his neck, or grab his ear, but once the scene and aftercare were over, they were always back to Tilly and Jesse.

  That…

  No one he’d ever played with—not even Mario—had ever pulled that kind of connection out of his soul before.

  Not ever.

  Hell, he was almost all the way in subspace, and his damn clothes were on. Usually, it took Tilly whaling on him for the better part of an hour to get his mind cleared enough he could sink deep like that.

  He didn’t want to let go of Leo, wanted to stay there, holding on to him and assuring himself Leo was real.

  Keith, however, tapped him on the shoulder. “Earth to Jesse. Let’s show him a few things before you completely space out on us and he turns you into a puddle of goo.”

  That was an accurate descriptor to how he felt right now, actually.

  “Okay.” Jesse took a deep breath. “FYI, one of my good triggers is that. Grabbing me like that, by the hair. Or grabbing me by the back of my neck. Or if I’m facedown, planting a hand between my shoulders or in the middle of my back to hold me down.”

  Leo looked at Keith. “Triggers?”

  “Yeah. I’ll explain as we go along.” Keith stood, leaving his bag there. “Let’s go watch a couple of scenes and I’ll explain stuff you’re seeing.”

  Jesse was glad when he snuggled against Leo that the man draped an arm around his shoulders. It felt right slipping his arm around Leo’s waist.

  Perfect.

  Absolutely perfect.

  Landry and Cris had wasted no time. They were in the new dungeon section, the one the club had just added. With Cris naked, hooded, blindfolded, gagged, and with his wrists and ankles cuffed and attached to the spanking bench, he was completely immobilized.

  Keith parked them a respectful distance away, out of the way of other scenes, before he leaned in close to Leo.

  “Landry is a heavy sadist, so don’t think that what you see him do is what you have to do. He is only one end of the spectrum, just one way of playing.”

  Leo nodded.

  Jesse glanced up at him, then caught Keith’s gaze. He wondered why Keith would start Leo out in the deep end of the pool, so to speak, when there were other scenes they could be watching that were far gentler.

  Keith arched an eyebrow at him and placed a finger to his lips before returning his focus to the men before them.

  Jesse both winced and wanted to adjust his cock as he watched the scene play out. Landry was a sadist, but he was also an artist with implements. He didn’t randomly inflict pain just to inflict it. He treated it like a dance, much the way Tilly did. No small surprise, since Cris had learned from Landry, and Landry had been Cris’ Master before Cris left Landry and took Tilly as his slave, and then…

  Hell, he knew the story and it made his head hurt thinking about it.

  He hoped it didn’t freak Leo out.

  * * * *

  Holy…crap.

  There did seem to be an artistry to the way Landry was going after Cris. And he wouldn’t deny the naked man had a nice ass. Watching Cris’ body tense against his bonds with the impacts, interspe
rsed with tender caresses from Landry, it was…like a dance.

  Keith explained various implements to Leo and described what Landry was doing. Like checking Cris’ extremities to make sure he was okay, alternating sadistic punishment with sensual teasing.

  It was…well, he wasn’t sure he would ever reach that level of sadism in his play, but fuck yeah, he wanted to do some of that to Jesse.

  He tipped his head so he could speak to Jesse. “You let his wife Top you?”

  Jesse grinned. “She can be even more vicious than Landry.” He nodded his head toward the ongoing scene. “I know she’s beaten me harder than that before.”

  Leo suppressed the urge to shudder. “Seriously?”

  “Oh, yeah. And she doesn’t even go all out on me.”

  Well, maybe he wouldn’t have to worry so much about hurting Jesse in the bad ways then, if he could take that kind of walloping.

  From there all Keith had to do was turn them around so they could watch a man flogging a woman who was restrained to a St. Andrew’s cross. It looked vicious but Keith explained the kinds of floggers the man was using on her weren’t painful at all, more like a massage. From there, Leo watched another woman get paddled and caned. Another scene, far more sensual, with what was called a violet wand being used on the woman before her Dominant forced her to orgasm with a vibrator.

  Well, that much he could relate to. He’d actually bought a couple of vibrators for Eva throughout their years together to give him a mechanical assist in getting her over.

  By the time they worked their way back to the table over an hour later, Leo’s mind raced. He got what they meant about a wide spectrum of play and finding what he was comfortable with.

  “So, what do you think?” Jesse asked. “Would you like to try something?”

  “You said we could use your stuff?” Leo asked Keith.

  Keith set his bag on the table, where he started unpacking it. “This is the kind of flogger that guy was using on that woman,” he said, handing it to Leo.

  Made of soft suede, Leo couldn’t imagine it hurting. “That makes sense now,” he said. “I always thought they would hurt.”