Night by Night Read online

  Not when she was the only family he’d had left, and he’d worried about her. Even in high school she’d had a shitty dude picker. He’d almost hoped she and Dox would get together, because that would have been perfect. But they hadn’t been interested in each other at all.

  He caught up to JJ, who was now jumping up and down and laughing riotously at the farthest edges of the surf line. The tide looked like it was going out, and he pulled out his phone to snap a couple of pictures of her and then take video.

  “What do you think, JJ?”

  “I love it, Daddy!”

  She looked up at him with the most perfect, beaming smile on her face, and in that moment he knew he could never be with anyone who didn’t love and cherish her as much as he did. Meaning he was probably in for a long, lonely life until she was grown up and out on her own.

  These were the moments that kept him going even when he was so exhausted and lonely he cried himself to sleep at night.

  These were the precious times when he could keep himself centered in the moment and just…be. Vicariously enjoy life from her point of view and temporarily forget about all the adult things he had to take care of and worry about so that she could simply be a normal kid.

  As normal as possible, considering her mother had been murdered by the sperm donor.

  Which was one of the reasons Hank had wanted to adopt JJ. He’d never lied to her, but he’d kept things age-appropriate. It was one less stressor on her to not have to keep explaining to people he was her uncle, not her dad, and what happened to her mom and dad.

  It also made things easier being her parent versus being her guardian when it came to legal stuff, and school, doctor visits, all of that. He had a birth certificate with his name on it, so it made it easier on him.

  He looked down and pointed out the line of shells and detritus in the surf being revealed by the receding water. Then he spotted a shark’s tooth and she snatched it up with a delighted squeal, dancing and splashing in the water.

  “Look, Daddy! Look!”

  He smiled. “I see, pumpkin.” She handed it to him to hold and eagerly started looking for more.

  Worth it. Totally.

  As they were closing in on the thirty-minute mark, he knew he had to refocus her. His pocket was filling with shells and shark teeth she’d found. “Hey, let’s go back to Uncle Dox, okay? Who wants cake?”

  “Me me me!”

  They headed back, and at first as they crested the dune on the boardwalk, he wasn’t sure what he was seeing. He thought maybe another party had taken over the pavilion from them. Until he spotted Eliza, Rusty, June and her husband. And a bunch of other people, at least twenty—no, more. And the whole pavilion was decorated, and—

  JJ let out another of those happy squeals and bolted toward Dox as everyone started singing Happy Birthday to her.

  Hank stopped in his tracks, tears momentarily blurring his vision as he processed they were all there…for her.

  Dox picked JJ up, singing with everyone else as Hank finally blinked away his tears and forced his feet forward again to join them.

  “OHMIGOD THANK YOU!” she screeched, making everyone laugh. Dox set her down and she started running around, hugging Eliza and June first, then everyone else, even though she had no clue who most of them were. There were even some kids, although Hank had no clue who they were, either.

  Dox wore a pleased smile Hank remembered all too well from when they were kids. For half a second, if Hank thought Dox wouldn’t mind it, he’d kiss the guy.

  Instead, he hugged Dox, long and hard. “Thank you, dude. I love you so fucking much.”

  “You’re welcome. Love you, too, buddy. Can’t let my honorary daughter not celebrate her first Florida birthday in style.” Not only had everyone brought presents and decorations—and another cake—but someone was grilling them burgers and hot dogs.

  Holy shit.

  He stood there, stunned and amazed, his arm slung around Dox’s shoulders and Dox with his around Hank’s waist as they watched the little princess running around and meeting everyone.

  Yeah. Moving back to Florida had absolutely been fucking worth it. He laid his head over on his friend’s shoulder and just…absorbed it all.

  * * * *

  Ooohh, this had totally been worth it. Without a doubt. Between the happy excitement on JJ’s face, and the stunned shock on Hank’s, Maddox knew he’d done the right thing.

  Thank goodness he had Marcia and Derrick taking pictures and video for him with his camera and phone, because Hank was too stunned to process everything and remember to take pics.

  And twice in one day Hank had told him he loved him.

  Sure, he’d meant it as a friend, but still…

  I’m a dumbass.

  There was a better chance of them having a blizzard next week than his deepest dreams regarding Hank ever coming true. Still, Maddox was happy to accept whatever scraps he could.

  JJ opened a ton of presents, and some envelopes that were gift cards. But to Hank’s credit, every time she opened those, she still happily squealed and went to hug and thank the giver before handing it over to Hank. He’d taught her right, even at her young age. She already had an appreciation for money and gifts he’d definitely taken until he was a lot older to achieve.

  I wish I could do more for them.

  Not that Hank would let him. He was a proud man, and Maddox could see how he was already trying to ease back a little on what he let Maddox do for him. Hell, had he known about Hank’s circumstances, and that they were moving to Florida, he would have done whatever he could to convince Hank to move in with him for a while. He had a king-sized bed.

  They could share.

  Just like they used to.

  Too late now, though. Hank had signed a year-long lease on the house.

  At least now he could see Hank every day. Hell, there hadn’t been a single day since he knew they were back that he hadn’t seen Hank for at least a few minutes. In the future he could always use the excuse he was driving by, since Hank’s house was on the way between Maddox’s office and home.

  For this moment in time, however, Maddox was going to enjoy this and try to figure out how to forever store it in his brain.

  Once the party started breaking up after lunch and cake, everyone pitched in to help clean up and to load JJ’s haul in Maddox’s car, so he could drive them back to Hank’s.

  Maddox had a thought. “You know, why don’t you come over to my place tomorrow and go swimming?” He’d had them over for dinner already, but not for swimming. “And bring your robotics kit and we can work on it after.”

  “Oooh, please, Daddy?” she asked Hank.

  He smiled, but it looked weary and made Maddox think about cancelling his plans for the night so he could stay with Hank and take care of him. “Sure, sweetie. If Uncle Dox wants us there.”

  “Of course I want you there,” Maddox told him. “Come over after you wake up. Chill out with me for the day.”

  Hank hugged him. “Sure. Thank you.”

  Back to Hank’s house, where Maddox helped him unload everything. After saying good-bye, Maddox headed home, feeling more than a little…melancholy.

  Going to the club tonight would suck in some ways, because he knew he’d be thinking about Hank the entire time.

  Sigh.

  That was also why he really had to go. Because being alone sucked, but pining over his straight best friend sucked even harder.

  Chapter Nine

  Later that evening, Maddox joined Eliza and Rusty for dinner at Sigalo’s after he sat through the rope class at Venture. Following dinner, they returned to the club, where he’d joined as a member earlier when he checked in for the class.

  The shibari rope rigging class was fun. He learned some things he didn’t know, even though it was a beginner-level class.

  It still felt weird not calling her Mrs. McElroy, however. And it totally made sense she was a Domme, looking at it in retrospect. Tonight, they both wor
e volunteer name badges.

  “By the way, thank you, again, for everything you and June have done for Hank and JJ,” Maddox told her. “I’ve been meaning to tell you that. I really appreciate it.”

  Eliza shrugged. “We’ve been blessed. We like to pay it forward. Kind of a thing with our group of friends. Especially when it comes to the welfare of kids. That’s why we enjoy playing matchmaker for our friends, too.” She tipped her head and seemed to consider him. “Sooo. You said you’re bi. Is he—”

  He shook his head. “He’s never given me any indication he is.”

  “Ah. Too bad.”

  “Yeah. Tell me about it,” he added before taking a sip of water from the bottle in his hand.

  “I notice you don’t seem to object to the idea, though,” she noted.

  “I don’t.” He sat back. “Between us? I’ve always crushed hard on him, but never admitted it to him. Now I definitely can’t admit it to him.”

  “Why not?” Rusty asked. “You’re single, and he’s single.”

  “Because I don’t want to weird him out or put more stress on him.”

  “But this morning he told me you guys have been hanging out every day.”

  Maddox sighed. “We have. I’m still secretly crushing on my straight best friend. I’m absolutely going to hate whoever he starts dating next.”

  Eliza snorted. “I don’t think that’ll be a problem.”

  Maddox stomped back the hope that wanted to flare in his heart. “Why?”

  “Because he’s so stressed, for starters,” she said. “He’s also hyper-focused on being a good dad. Which, everything I’ve seen, he’s an amazing dad. JJ is a very lucky little girl. But he won’t let himself take a break. If anything, I honestly think he’d feel guilty about dating.”

  Maddox watched as a couple prepared to start a suspension scene on the large A-frame closest to the social area. A man and a woman. “Probably. He always was hard on himself.”

  The woman stripped down to her panties and a sports bra. She smiled and chatted with the rigger in voices too soft to carry to where they were sitting at a table in the social area.

  Ironically, watching a scene like this in a club a year ago would have had him surreptitiously adjusting himself. The woman was pretty, a little on the short side, and not a skinny twig. She wasn’t busty, but she had rounded curves in her ass and thighs, the perfect kind of woman to flip over your lap and spank.

  Tonight, however, all he could think about was Hank.

  How much he’d like to flip him over on his lap and spank him.

  Eliza’s voice intruded on the start of a good fantasy of putting Hank on his knees in front of him, the perfect height for him to—

  “Earth to Maddox.”

  “Hmm?” He looked to find her smiling at him.

  “I was offering to introduce you to her when they’re finished.”

  “Why?”

  Rusty snorted but didn’t respond. Eliza playfully backhanded her husband’s shoulder. “Because…you’re single?” she snarked. “I mean, isn’t that a good reason?”

  “But she’s with someone. Not exactly proper form to ask a guy’s submissive out.”

  “He’s a rope slut, and so is she. They’re only play-partners—they’re not together. Orrr…” She smiled. “I could introduce you to him. He’s single, too. And gay.”

  “Being bi really does open their files and improve their chances of finding you someone,” Rusty playfully added.

  The guy wasn’t bad-looking. A little on the thin side for his tastes. “He’s a Top though,” Maddox noted.

  “Vers. And a switch.” Eliza arched an eyebrow at him, a look Maddox well remembered from high school. “Is that a green-light?”

  Maybe before Hank was back in his life he would’ve been interested in either of them. But…

  Yeah. When he thought about either of them as he watched the man tie her…

  Nothing.

  Zilch.

  Not even a twitch from downstairs.

  He finally opted for, “I’m afraid I wouldn’t be good company right now.”

  “Interested in me hooking you up for a friendly dinner with one of them? No pressure. Get you out of the house.”

  “I am getting out of the house.”

  “To Hank’s,” Rusty said, all teasing now vanished from his tone. “You said it yourself—you’re hung up on a guy you think is unobtainable. Maybe what you need is to force yourself to step into a different groove for a while.”

  “Who knows?” Eliza added. “Maybe Hank will get jealous and you can open a conversation with him.”

  That was tempting, except Maddox wasn’t fond of those kinds of mind games. Mindfucks within the context of a scene? Sure, absolutely.

  He also suspected Hank wasn’t exactly clued in to Maddox’s feelings, either.

  Still…

  They had a valid point, and he knew it. “I guess I wouldn’t be averse to dinner with her.”

  “Atta boy,” Eliza said. “Consider it arranged.”

  As Maddox settled back in his chair to watch their suspension scene, he wondered how he was going to move forward if he was still so completely hung up in the past.

  * * * *

  Hank stretched out in bed with his laptop to watch Netflix. JJ had a fantastic day, had absolutely rocked it in the presents department, and he felt nearly overwhelmed with gratitude for everyone who’d taken part.

  Especially Dox.

  Who apparently was going to that kink club tonight.

  He didn’t know why that spun up a nest of conflicted feelings inside him. The guy deserved a life outside Hank’s pitiful existence. Especially after everything he’d done for him and JJ.

  Besides, they were going over to Dox’s tomorrow to hang out and swim, and he’d told JJ to bring the robotics kit with her.

  He definitely didn’t want Maddox to grow resentful of all the time he spent with them. That meant not being a clingy friend.

  Except that’s exactly what he felt like. Which totally wasn’t him.

  Except…it was. When it came to Dox, it definitely was and always had been.

  He completely understood he’d once again defaulted to their old dynamic from when they were kids, of him letting Dox take charge, take control.

  It was a comfort, familiar and welcoming, like slipping on a favorite pair of jeans that fit perfectly.

  I don’t want to share him with anyone. Not like that.

  The show continued playing on, unwatched, as he contemplated that.

  Am I feeling…possessive?

  That was weird, though, because wouldn’t that mean…

  He stared at the ceiling and tried to sort that out in his head.

  He’d felt like this when they were kids, too, but hadn’t really thought about it all that much until now, when viewed through the lens of an adult who’d had romantic relationships in the past.

  He didn’t understand why he felt like that, either.

  Looking back through his life…the only person he’d ever felt about like that was Dox.

  He finally gave up trying to watch the show and set his laptop aside. After another moment he got up, locked the bedroom door, and stretched out in bed again. At least tonight he was reasonably certain JJ wouldn’t wake up and interrupt him. She’d worn herself out today.

  Hank didn’t even have any lube. He pulled his boxers down and spit in his palm before stroking his cock.

  Mmm.

  He tried to quiet his mind but peace wasn’t…there.

  While his cock was starting to get interested in the festivities, his brain was still distracted and couldn’t—wouldn’t—settle on any one fantasy to help him get the juices flowing.

  Then a memory popped into mind, remembering one of the times he and Dox had jerked off together while watching porn.

  His cock twitched and hardened in his hand.

  Alllrighty, then.

  His mind drifted from that memory to one night when they
’d shared a bed together at his house. Nothing weird ever happened between them, but there was one night that had always hung around in the depths his mind, when he’d awakened to find himself pressed firmly against Dox, wrapped around him.

  Not back-to-back, either, something that didn’t bother either of them, but spooning around him, Dox’s body warm and firm against his.

  And he’d felt slightly horrified to realize his own cock had been rock hard, which he was pretty sure is what had awakened him, because he realized he’d been rubbing against the guy in bed. He’d had to carefully move, terrified Dox would’ve awakened and freaked out over it, and quietly headed to the bathroom, where he’d quickly rubbed one out in stealth mode.

  He hadn’t thought about that incident in years, but it was what he was thinking about tonight while he stroked himself, enough pre-cum leaking from his cock to give him better lubrication and allow him to really start stroking.

  Fuuuuck…

  As his cock exploded and filled his hand with cum, he lay there trying to catch his breath and processing the swirling, confused emotions rolling through him.

  He didn’t understand what it meant and wasn’t sure he should.

  It’s been too fucking long since I’ve been with another person. That’s my goddamned problem.

  As he climbed out of bed to clean up in the bathroom, he knew it was a problem he’d continue to have for the foreseeable future, because he refused to put JJ second…

  And he also refused to give up any time with Dox. He’d lost enough time between them.

  No way in hell would he sacrifice that friendship. Not for anyone.

  * * * *

  Eliza had gone to work immediately upon the end of the scene and when it was apparent the woman was feeling up to talking. It took her all of five minutes to bring the woman over to where Maddox still sat at the table and now watched another rope scene. She introduced herself as Neem, although Maddox got the distinct impression that was just a scene name, not her real name.

  Fair enough. He didn’t have a reason to conceal his true name from someone, but totally understood why a single female submissive would want or need to.