Any World That I'm Welcome To [Suncoast Society] (Siren Publishing Sensations) Read online

  Turning Neil, Dex gently pushed him back onto the bed and straddled him. Then he reached to unfasten Neil’s belt and slacks. “I want a little something from my hubby before dinner.”

  Since that first night, they usually managed to have sex a couple of times a week around Dex’s work schedule, even if it was nothing more than Dex hopping into the shower with Neil to give him a quick handjob before Neil blew him.

  Dex’s brown gaze focused on Neil’s as Dex slid the zipper down on Neil’s slacks, slowly, teasing him. By the time he fished Neil’s cock out of his briefs, it was hard and aching to feel any part of Dex’s body touching it.

  Holding his breath, Neil watched as Dex leaned in, their gazes still locked together, and he licked the tip of Neil’s cock.

  A sharp hiss escaped Neil. “Damn, man. What are you doing to me?”

  “Showing my husband how I feel about him.” His warm breath brushed over the head of Neil’s cock.

  The sexy, sweet smile curving Dex’s lips made Neil’s cock throb. Then the tip, and more, disappeared between those same sexy lips.

  “Fuuuuck,” Neil whispered. He grabbed a pillow and pulled it under his head so he could keep watching Dex blow him for the first time.

  Something else he’d long ago decided he’d never mention, never push for. He knew if Dex ever wanted to go down on him, he would. He’d been happy just to have Dex wanting to sleep in the same bed with him every night. Everything else was a bonus.

  Apparently, Dex had been paying attention to blow jobs he’d received in the past, whether from him, or maybe Tamsin. He laved his tongue along the underside of Neil’s cock, swirling around the head, lightly teasing the glans.

  With Dex swallowing him deep, Neil knew it wouldn’t take him long to get over at this rate.

  Still, Dex never broke eye contact with him.

  “Do you want…me to warn you before? So you can—”

  “Mm-mm.” A definite no.

  Then Dex dropped a wink and lightly sucked, long-stroking Neil’s cock with his mouth.

  The explosion caught Neil off-guard. One second he’d been not quite there, and the next his balls were eagerly pumping every drop of cum inside them into Dex’s waiting mouth.

  Neil’s hand caught Dex’s hair, fingers twining, stroking, not holding him there, though. After a moment, Dex crawled up his body to deeply kiss him. Neil wrapped arms and legs around him.

  Tasted himself on this gorgeous man’s lips.

  His husband.

  “Happy anniversary, mister,” Dex whispered.

  Neil chuckled, kissing him. “Happy anniversary, babe.”

  Dex arched an eyebrow. “That’s Princess, thank you very much.”

  “You mean it? For life?”

  “Yeah.” Dex sighed. “I figure it this way—if we ever get to a point where we really feel we need to beat someone, I’m sure we can hook up with play partners at Venture. Just for play.”

  He touched an index finger to Neil’s lips. “I’m not sharing you sexually with someone.”

  Left unsaid, the increasingly remote possibility of Tamsin awakening one day.

  Neither of them had mentioned that much lately.

  “I don’t want to be shared,” Neil said. “And there’s only one person I’d be okay sharing you with, and…” He didn’t finish.

  He didn’t have to. Dex sadly smiled and nodded before leaning in for another kiss.

  Sometimes, Neil still wondered when—or indeed if—the other shoe would drop. That, one day, Dex might wake up, realize he couldn’t live like this, and leave.

  Those thoughts grew less frequent by the day. It was easier to banish them when the man slept in bed with him every night.

  Every night he was home, at least.

  And now, with a ring on his finger, he knew Dex meant this as much as he did.

  Dex rolled off him, beside him, fumbled for and found Neil’s hand and laced fingers with him. “We’re something, aren’t we?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I don’t wish we were in the accident, and I damn sure don’t wish she was lying in that bed. But I can’t change any of that. I also can’t imagine being anywhere but with you right now.” He squeezed Neil’s hand. “This is where I want to be. And you are who I want to be with. I don’t just love you. I’m in love with you.”

  It took Neil a moment to find his voice. “I used to fantasize about you, all the time. I know that sounds creepy, but I never knew…” Neil brushed at his eyes. “I never wanted anything like this to happen to her.”

  “I know. It’s okay.” Dex nuzzled Neil’s shoulder, kissing him. “I can’t do this without you. I’m not even talking about the physical part of taking care of her. I cannot do this without you.”

  Neil tipped his head to the side to nuzzle him. “I can’t do this without you, either. I don’t even want to think about trying.” Neil rolled on top of him. “Want me to take care of something for you?”

  Sexy and sweet, Dex’s smile had a way of taking Neil’s heart and spinning it into knots. “After dinner. Right now, let’s put this on her finger.” He held up her ring, staring at it. “I want her to wear it. She’s ours. And I want our ring on her finger, even if she doesn’t know it’s there.”

  * * * *

  Dex sat up and watched Neil change into a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. He absolutely did love this man. For the rest of their lives, he’d get to be with Neil.

  I hope you’d be happy for us, babe.

  Sometimes, he talked to her in his head. No, she wasn’t dead, but every day that passed with no improvement was a slight tick of that invisible gauge toward the zero mark where there wouldn’t be any hope left.

  He didn’t want to think like that, but he’d done the research. Neil, he suspected, was a little more in denial than he was, more focused on her immediate day-to-day needs, what had to happen for a best outcome without focused consideration on the long odds.

  Of course Dex would take care of her. He would take care of her until he physically couldn’t push his body any longer…or until hers gave out. He would do everything in his power to give her PT and make sure she was getting proper nutrition and hydration, watch for any symptoms of UTIs, protect her skin—everything.

  He would talk to her as if she could hear and understand every word he said.

  What he could not afford to do any longer—for his sake or Neil’s—was ignore the man sharing his life in hopes that Dex could one day hear Tam speak his name again. Not without risking his and Neil’s sanities.

  Neil loved her. Completely.

  And Neil loved him.

  He owed the man his love, his faith.

  They returned to the living room and Dex removed her left splint and gently massaged her hand and fingers, bringing it to his lips so he could kiss it.

  Holding her hand out so Neil could slip her wedding band onto her ring finger.

  Sarah, their nurse right now until the night nurse arrived, cocked her head. “You weren’t wearing rings before, were you?”

  “No,” Dex said. “Today’s our one-month wedding anniversary.” He stroked Tamsin’s hand. “We wanted to do this for her. She’s always going to be a major part of our lives. Our lives revolve around her. Our love for her. These were the rings she’d picked out for her and myself. I bought Neil one that matches.”

  Sarah was a kind woman in her late fifties, frequently bringing the men home-baked banana nut bread or other goodies. She’d spent over thirty years as a nurse.

  She laid down her sudoku book and wiped at her eyes. “I know this might sound trite, but I love working for you two. I’ve told my supervisor that I’ve worked a lot of situations that weren’t ideal for anyone, but you two are amazing. She’s very lucky. I wish she could know how lucky she is to have you both.”

  “That’s because she’s special to both of us.” Neil’s voice cracked as he reached over and brushed Tamsin’s hair with his hand. “She’s ours. We both love her, in our own
way. She’s our best friend, his fiancée, my adopted family. Even before the accident, our worlds revolved completely around her. We can’t not take care of her. That means we have to take care of each other, too.”

  Dex draped an arm around Neil’s shoulders. “Exactly.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  They’d arranged with the home health care company for the day nurses to have the day off on Christmas. Neil and Dex would be alone with Tam from seven that morning until eight that night, when Karyn would come on duty.

  That was fine with them. Dexter knew this holiday was far more difficult on Neil than it was on him, because of his longer history with Tamsin.

  Christmas had been their thing. But especially Tamsin’s, and, by extension, Neil’s. She’d always had fun Christmases growing up, just her and her mom, a tradition she’d lost in the years between her mom’s death and moving in with Neil.

  Dex knew from what Tam had told him that it meant the world to her that Neil let her take over Christmas and draw him into the celebration. Neil had gotten used to it, too, quickly growing to love their new shared traditions.

  They’d had friends extend invitations to come eat dinner with them, but all Neil and Dex wanted to do was be alone with Tamsin for a few hours.

  She’d always been the one to put up their Christmas tree and decorate the house. She had a silly little elf hat that Neil had bought for her their first year living together, thinking it’d be “punishment” to make her wear it.

  She’d owned it, rocking it, loving it. It’d become their running joke and a beloved tradition. Dex had loved being brought into the festivities, last year Neil and Tamsin holding Christmas two days early so Dex could eat dinner with them and open presents, because he had to work on Christmas Day.

  This year, the house didn’t feel the same without her energy there to guide them, even though Dex had taken over the bulk of the decorating. He’d surprised Neil one day after Thanksgiving, when Dex had a weekday off. Neil had come home to find the tree up and the house decorated much as Tamsin would have.

  Later that night, Dex had held Neil while he sobbed himself to sleep in their bed.

  Today, the men cooked a turkey with all the fixings and carefully moved Tam from her bed to the couch, the center recliner section, so they could sit on either side of her and hold her hands as they watched A Christmas Story together, the men laughing at all the funny lines.

  Another tradition, more for Neil’s benefit than for Dex’s. It was something the two of them did together every year. There were several other movies they’d watch together as the day progressed. Movies she’d watched and loved with her mom.

  While the aroma of roasting turkey filled the house, Neil stared at Dex. “Thank you,” he quietly said.

  “You’re welcome, but for what?”

  Neil nodded toward the tree. “This. Everything. For remembering how important this was to me. You didn’t have to put up the tree. And I know you traded off Thanksgiving and New Year’s for taking today off. I’m sorry about that.”

  “It’s part of the job. It’s just another day to me.” He reached across the top of the sofa, above Tamsin’s head, to pat Neil’s arm. “I wanted to try to make this day as good for you as I can.”

  When Neil spoke, his low, choked tone nearly broke Dex’s heart.

  “That first year, when I said I was only going to put up a little ceramic tree I have, I literally thought she was going to lose her mind. She dug her artificial tree out of storage, and her ornaments, that had all been her mom’s stuff. She turned this place into a winter wonderland, and…”

  Neil sighed. “I felt like a kid again with her. We didn’t exchange expensive gifts, either. She combed through used bookstores and PaperbackSwap.com to find me books she thought I’d like. I bought her a new birdbath and feeder for the side yard and new guitar strings from Amazon.”

  Dex didn’t interrupt him, knowing Neil needed to talk about this. Neil stared at Tamsin’s face, stroking her cheek, smoothing her hair. Her hair had grown back, and they paid a stylist to come in once a month to take care of her. They’d had her long, naturally dark blonde hair cut short, at first, the choppy, uneven lengths left over from her surgeries unsettling to both men. Now it was nearly down to her shoulders again.

  Dex knew Neil had asked the stylist if he could keep that sad ponytail she’d had to cut off on the first visit. He kept it tucked in a small plastic bag in his dresser.

  He couldn’t fault the man. While still in the hospital, Dex had asked Wade to go with Neil to the wrecker yard where her car had been towed to search through it and gather all their belongings, specifically to make sure he found the little dreamcatcher that had hung from her rearview mirror.

  Her mom had given it to her.

  Fortunately, it had survived the accident. It now hung from the rearview mirror in his car. Pink and teal, maybe it wasn’t the most masculine-looking car accessory, but it had been hers.

  “I knew that first Christmas we spent together, screwing up the turkey a little, and finishing off nearly a whole bottle of Kahlúa, that we’d be friends for life.” Neil’s sad smile made it hard for Dexter to hold back his own tears. “Beyond the fun we had as playpartners, we were friends first. Aren’t we, sweetheart?”

  Neil leaned in and kissed her cheek. “My baby brat. You sure are picking the hard way to bank punishment strokes, you know that?”

  Tears rolled down his cheeks as his hand dropped to hers, holding it, gently squeezing. “Talk to me, Tam. Please. Look at me, baby. That would be the best Christmas present ever.”

  Today, her eyes were open. She blinked spontaneously, but they hadn’t seen any reactions from her, only reflexes.

  As much as Dex’s own heart was shattered, destroyed, the remains were ground into the dirt that much harder seeing how shredded Neil was. He had known and loved her longer.

  And considering how Neil had held him while he cried, and listened to him talk about her, it was only fair he do the same for Neil.

  “She’s playing hard to get,” Dex tried to tease, forcing a lighter tone he didn’t feel. “Once again, knowing I’ll let her off easy because I’m a big softy. She can always get out of it by hiding behind me.” He stroked her right arm, his fingers lacing with hers. “She knows she has me wrapped around her fingers. I’m a wussie Dom compared to you.”

  Neil laid his head over on her shoulder. “I’ll let you watch us together, baby,” he said. “I’ll bend over and let him cane my damn ass before he fucks it, if you’ll just wake up and talk to us.”

  “Nah, I get to bend over and get caned and fucked first,” Dex said. “I called dibs.” He pressed his face against her hair and struggled not to cry, knowing if he lost it, so would Neil. “And I’ll show you how good I’m getting at blowing him.”

  A choked laugh from Neil. “He’s getting pretty damn good, baby. Wouldn’t you like to watch that? You always said you would. Here’s your chance. We’ll even let you tell us what you want to see us do. Anything you want. Lady’s choice.”

  Dex heard the timer go off on his phone, time to baste the turkey.

  “I’ll go get it,” he volunteered, sitting up before Neil could. “You stay out here with her and relax.”

  After walking around where Tamsin was sitting positioned in the recliner, Dex leaned in and kissed Neil, hard, deeply. Then he kissed Tam’s cheek. “Come back to us, babe, and you can watch us all you want.”

  * * * *

  Neil knew damn well what Dex was attempting.

  Damn, I love that man.

  Dex was doing his best to make this day as good a one as he could for Neil. Because even though Neil still stuck to his rule of treating Tamsin like she could hear every word they said, inside, Neil had his doubts.

  Doubts that grew stronger every day.

  And Dex knew that.

  How many nights had Dex held him while he cried over another day where the therapy appointment didn’t produce any results? How many times had D
ex sadly watched as Neil spent hours trying to get Tam to reproduce what was likely a one-off reflexive movement?

  She wasn’t brain-dead. She wasn’t in pain.

  But she was locked inside her head and unable to respond. He’d done research. He’d tried to see if maybe she really was “locked in,” maybe she could respond with blinking, or with eye movements.

  Except…she didn’t.

  The fleeting, sporadic anomalies, the movements and reactions, weren’t consistent enough to be classified as anything but incidental or reflexive, even by the most lenient and understanding of doctors and therapists. It’d been months now since she’d been back home, and she’d hit a plateau. Everyone was in complete agreement that her physical condition, all things considered, was excellent. That her care was above average.

  Neil loved Dex even more for his consideration and compassion. For putting up with him and his need to do this for Tam.

  For humoring him even when Neil knew Dex was also becoming quietly resigned to Tam never coming back to them.

  Neil knew he might be leaning in that direction, too, but he’d never give voice to it.

  Would never give up on her.

  He couldn’t.

  He loved her.

  He’d promised to protect her and keep her safe, to take care of her.

  He wouldn’t break that promise to her.

  Ever.

  He held her hand pressed against his cheek. “He’s a good guy, sweetheart. He deserves to get his happy ending with you instead of me.” He tucked his head against hers. “That’s why you have to come back to us from wherever you are. He needs you. If you don’t come back for me, please come back for him.”

  * * * *

  Later that afternoon, after Neil and Dex had eaten their lunch, they moved Tamsin back to her bed and hooked up her EMS unit to her legs. They used it on her several times a week in conjunction with physical therapy, mostly on her arms and legs, to try to prevent muscle atrophy. It wasn’t a perfect solution, only one small part of a larger overall plan. Just like the hand and leg splints they used to hopefully prevent contraction of her tendons. Plus, Nate came out twice a week to do acupuncture treatments on her, which always seemed to leave her more alert after.